Needing a push!

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the back door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "It is three o'clock in the morning." He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks. "No. I did not. It is three o'clock in the morning and it is pouring rain outside!"

His wife said, "Don't you remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"

The man does as he is told, gets dressed and goes out into the pouring rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello. Are you still there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes! Please!" comes the reply from the darkness.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk!

 

nice one dinty!!!

 

It was dinty in the swing!

Yep, good one.

 

I wanted a push dammit...

 

 

Good one!

 

One winter morning a couple was listening to the radio over breakfast. They hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." Norman’s wife goes out and moves her car. A week later while the y are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." Norman’s wife goes out and moves her car again. The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today You must park ..." Then the power goes out. Norman’s wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?" With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Norman says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?”

 

keep em coming!

 

 

A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive. It was, and she said to her husband, "It's nearly frozen to death. "Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?"
He says, "O.K., Get in the car with it."

"Where shall I put it to get it warm?"

He says, "Put it in between your legs. It's nice and warm there.

"But what about the smell?"

"Just hold its nose."

The man is expected to recover, but the skunk she used to beat him with died at the scene.

 

 

 

LMAO