IF SANTA ANSWERED HIS MAIL HONESTLY



Deer Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. I'v ben a gud boy
all yeer. Yer Friend, Billy (actually I think this one is Matt)



Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a book so you can learn to read and spell? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell. Santa



************************************************** ***
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah



Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they? Santa



************************************************** **
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. Love, Teddy



Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his *** constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me send you some Lego's instead. Santa



************************************************** **
Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation 2, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba. Love, Francis



Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay. I'll set you up with a Barbie. Santa



************************************************** **
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door. Love, Susan



Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the ****s and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of Scotch. Santa
************************************************** **
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys? Your friend, Thomas



Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of ****tail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know. Santa
************************************************** **
Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song? Love, Jessica



Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house. Santa



************************************************** **
Dear Santa,
I really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please, PLEASE,
PLEASE could I have one? Love, Timmy



Dear Timmy,
That whiney begging **** may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again. Santa



************************************************** **
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house. How do you get into our home? Love, Marky



Dear Mark,
First stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your *** whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window. Sweet dreams, Santa

 

LMAO

 

I soooo pictured Bill as Santa when I was reading that.

 

"Your Dad's bangin the babysitter like a screendoor in a hurricane" Those are great LT!

 

My side hurts.

 

...zap!

 

good ones
needed to unwind after driving home from work.some people shouldnt' have license's. we got our first snow not much to talk of.< 2" people with cherokee's, xterra's driving 25 on the interstate, as i pass them in my 2wd company p'up.

 

Now thats some good stuff.

 

Good ones, I liked the second.

 

I just got those in an E-mail today. I actually forwarded it too (which doesn't happen often.

rdy2rac with

 

Pretty funny LT!

 

LOL, good read!

 

Mornin Joe.