Private: Drill Sergeant, my wife is staying in a hotel off post while I'm in basic. Will I be able to go see her on weekends?

Drill Sergeant: No! We don't stop training because it's a weekend!

Private: But my recruiter said...

Drill Sergeant: Anything it took to get you in those boots Private!
I can't believe you brought your wife to basic training with you, Private!

Private: Yes Drill Sergeant. I was just wondering if I could visit her, otherwise, she's gonna be there all by herself.

Drill Sergeant: Is she cute?

Private: Yes Drill Sergeant!

Drill Sergeant: She won't be by herself!

***************
That recruiter must've gone to basic at Fort Dix... They didn't play that (weekends off) crap at Fort Jackson, SC.

 

While going through the police academy I had a RTO who used to be an Army Ranger and that guy would say some absolutely crazy funny chit. My favorite though was a jodie he used to sing on long runs, it was so hard to chant it back without LMAO. It was called "My wife's a vegetable" and it went like this even though I think I'm leaving a verse out somewhere.

My wife's a vegetable
She lives in a hospital
she don't have no arms or legs
just a couple sticks and pegs
But I'd do anything to keep her alive

My wifes a vegetable
she lives in a hospital
she has her own tv
we cal it an ekg
but I'd do anything to keep her alive

My wifes a vegetable
she lives in a hospital
she's got four holes for me
the fourth one's tracheotomy
but I'd do anything to keep her alive

when it's sung in step it sounds hilarious

 

Oh yeah, I've heard that eleventy-billion times; but- never the verse about the tracheotomy- that was brand new to me; and funny!

 

Too much to list. I loved those not so nice cadences. The vegetable one was still somewhat acceptable when I was in but thye made us cease and decist on the good ones. Bastards.

The short bus one was my favorite.

 

I wish that all the ladies...
Were holes in the road
And I was the dump truck
I'd fill 'em with my l**d....

Hey-hey, ba-ba-reba.

************************

My girl's got a new hobby
It's called chemo-therapy
But I'd buy her anything
To keep her alive...


"Privates, if you end up losing your wife while you're in basic, do not worry." If the Army wanted you to have a wife, they would have issued you one!

or

Private, don't worry about divorce. The first wife ain't nothing but a training aid, anyway!

 

All my life (uh huh)
I wanted to ride (uh huh)
A little yellow bus
big door on the side...

 

an air force marching cadence. see we weren't all easy going.
a yellow bird
with a yellow bill
landed on
my windowsill
i lured him in
with crust's of bread
and the i smashed
his frigging head

cleane up for the board folks

 

"You're about as useless as a three peckered billygoat."

 

Your lower than whale sh$$t.

 

Drill sergeant???

 

I would think that is better then being pissed on by a **** ant, no?

 

In Basic Training, One of the TI's was about 5'6" and the trainee was about 6'3". So, the trainee did something real stupid in the chow hall, he went for dessert. So the TI calls him over to their tables (known as the snakepit) anyways the TI is like "What makes you think you get dessert" trainee begins to respond the TI gets a chair and stands on it then gets in his face because the Trainee did not use a reporting statement so he gets it even worse. Well, the trainee is finally dismissed but as he walks away he does not execute a proper facing movement so he gets called back and the TI says "get down on your knees because i'm not climbing on a chair because you cannot execute a proper facing movement. So, the trainee gets down on his knees as the TI drills him on what his proper chain of command is...

Basic training is hillarious!

 

Okay, got another one. In basic you've got to use a reporting statement to address th TI's...it goes like this Sir, Airman _____reports as ordered...
Well, this guy kept screwing it up by saying Sir, Airman____reporting as ordered...The TI finally had enough, so this guy had to go outside every morning and bring back the weather report saying "reporting as ordered".

I'm applying for TI duty as soon as my Recruiting assignment is over in 4 years...fun times!

 

We had a DI that was about 5'5". The first night he had to babysit us, he had the firewatch enter the duty hut and open his locker at wakeup. The DI was standing in the locker in uniform, like he had been asleep there all night.

It did take a couple of days for everyone to figure it out.

 

Looks like the best part of you ran down the crack of your momma's azz.