Womens English Translator
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Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 12,632
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From: Stinkin Joisey
Womens English Translator
WOMEN'S ENGLISH
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need... = I want...
5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = I need to complain
7. Sure, go ahead = I don't want you to
8. Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron
10. Are you listening to me?? = Too late, you're dead
11. You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
12. Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
13. Do you love me? = I am going to ask for something expensive
14. It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
15. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
16. I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game
on TV
MEN'S ENGLISH
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3.! I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. What's wrong? = I guess sex is out of the question
8. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
12. Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for other men to have
sex with you
13. You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with
you within the next 3 minutes
14. Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep
person and then I'd like to have sex with you
15. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay
1. NAMES
If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call!
each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.
If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to
each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
2. EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in $20,
even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller
and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
3. MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
4. BATHROOMS
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor,
a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
5. ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
6. CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
7. FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
8. SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
9. MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
10. DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the
garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
11. NATURAL
Men wake up as good! -looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
12. OFFSPRING
Ah, children.
A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist
appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and
hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
13. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people
remembering the same thing.
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need... = I want...
5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = I need to complain
7. Sure, go ahead = I don't want you to
8. Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron
10. Are you listening to me?? = Too late, you're dead
11. You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
12. Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
13. Do you love me? = I am going to ask for something expensive
14. It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
15. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
16. I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game
on TV
MEN'S ENGLISH
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3.! I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. What's wrong? = I guess sex is out of the question
8. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
12. Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for other men to have
sex with you
13. You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with
you within the next 3 minutes
14. Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep
person and then I'd like to have sex with you
15. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay
1. NAMES
If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call!
each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.
If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to
each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
2. EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in $20,
even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller
and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
3. MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
4. BATHROOMS
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor,
a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
5. ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
6. CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
7. FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
8. SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
9. MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
10. DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the
garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
11. NATURAL
Men wake up as good! -looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
12. OFFSPRING
Ah, children.
A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist
appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and
hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
13. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people
remembering the same thing.
I don't know which one is more true 
Senior Member
Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 380
Likes: 1
From: Columbus, Ohio, United States
