Subject: Presidential Address
(What follows is the text of a presidential address to be given by President
Bush on July 4, 2003. The source of this material remains unidentified.)

Oh, yeah, in our dreams...

My fellow Americans:

As you all know, the defeat of Iraq’s regime has been completed. The
discovery
and destruction of all weapons of mass destruction have been covered
thoroughly
in the press. An new Iraqi government has been established and appears to
be stable.

Our mission in Iraq is complete.

This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces
from
Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days.

It is now time to begin the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which
have
stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United
Kingdom,
Spain, Bulgaria, and Poland are some of the countries listed there.

The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the
world’s nations
are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both
lists later
this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those
nations
on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the
first
year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.

The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world
hell-holes
and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.

In the out years, together with Congress, I will work to re-direct this
money
toward
solving the vexing social problems we still have at home.

I am ordering the immediate withdrawal of all US forces from Kuwait, Saudi
Arabia, and all other Middle Eastern nations. Leave us alone. Solve your
own
damn problems. Need help? Call Germany.

On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will
hunt
you down and eliminate you and all your relatives from the face of the
earth.
Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.

Regarding the nation of Israel, I have this to say. It seems like everybody
has
forgotten what happened to European Jewry during the 1930s and World War II.
Our nation will never permit the destruction of Israel. No way, Jose.
Nevertheless,
to Israel and the Palestinian Authority. Yo, boys. Yank yer heads outta
rectal
defilade and work out a peace deal. Just note that Camp David is closed.
Maybe
all of you can go to Russia for negotiations. They have some great palaces
there.
Big tables, too.

I’m ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France,
Germany,
and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO
as well.
Bon chance, mes amis.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN
diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid tickets
to sites
where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don’t give
a damn
about whatever treaty pertains to this. Pay your tickets tomorrow or watch
your
precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos be turned over to some of the finest
chop shops
in the world. I love New York.

A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are going
to be
seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us
off for a
change. Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt
government
really need an attitude adjustment. I have a couple extra tank and infantry
divisions
sitting around. Guess where I’m gonna put ‘em? Yep, border security.
So start doing
something with your oil. Oh, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA
treaty---
starting now.

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens.
Some will
accuse us of xenophobia. My response is simple and direct: if you can play
that word
in Scrabble, do it as soon as your turn comes round. Some will accuse us of
isolationism.

I answer them be saying darn tootin’. Nearly a century of trying to help
folks live a
decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just
about
everyone on the planet.

It is time to eliminated hunger in America. It is time to eliminate
homelessness in
America. It is time to eliminate World Cup soccer from America.

We will develop energy independence. We will restructure our nation for its
isolationist destiny.

I will be sending legislation to Congress tomorrow proposing the first
actions that
that august body should take as we move in a new direction.

Finally, I have decided not to run for a second term of office. The First
Lady and
I will retire to our Texas ranch and have some fun. Laura and I have been
talking
about takin’ one of those cruises up to Alaska. Personally, I could care
less who gets
elected in 2004.

To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Drop dead.

To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you.

God bless America.

Thank you and good night.

 

I like everything in it.. But no Bush in 2004? Hell no! I just registered to vote today just so I can make damn sure he's around for another 4!

 

Don't sweet it, he will be around in 2004. There won't be much on the other side to compeate with him. I mean who in the hell is going to elect some dump @ss libearal democrate that was wishing upon a star for America to fail in Iraq, for more to die in Iraq, for our economy to tank all so they could have something to run on.

These "I hate America" nut cases have lost it big time, and now FINALLY people are begining to get IT...

Hell, the democrats have been telling everyone in the hood to keep electing them and they would help them, FINALLY some of them, not so brain dead, are getting it. They are FINALLY asking themselves "How comes we be electing these libros to helps us, and in over 40 years we's still be's in the hood?"

 

I can assure you that I'll have Bush in 2004...maybe not alot but, I'll definately vote for him. LMAO!

 

Even if he doesn't run we can always write him in.

 

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups ...

 

That sucks... but I have to agree with it...

 

Now Rock,

I know you're married.........so Bush WILL be limited in 2004 believe me

How's the house coming along?

John

 

you all are forgetting about the short attention span of the American people. Unless the economy turns around, W. is going to follow his dad as the only presidents in history to win a war and loose the next election.

 

That be the truth

 

That is so sad, but true, especially the "most American's with SHORT attention spans".

I mean WTF go over to another country the size of Calif. kick their @ss in less then 3 weeks, and people just about forgot where Iraq is...

 

I really liked the part about towing off the UN Diplomats illegally parked vehicles.
Used to really hate that when I lived up there. NYC could almost balance it's budget if those jerks paid their parking fines. Or, based on the type of car most of them drive it would do the same by auctioning the cars off.
Bill

 

Remember a few years back when some foreign diplomat from some abu-dhabi country was driving drunk in the DC suburbs in Maryland, killed a beutiful 17 year old girl in a car accident, and didnt get in one bit of trouble? He had been pardoned and then deported back to his home country... That is one rule I do NOT agree with.

 

Someone should of done a drive-by on his @ss...