Ok I believe the problem/solution is a faulty clockspring for SRS code 32. This commonly affects the cruise control and horn as well. Here's a good writeup on clockspring replacement for those who stumble upon this thread in the future.

https://www.f150online.com/forums/sh...226&styleid=16

 

I just found an incredible video on clockspring replacements:

 

I replaced the clockspring with a dorman part. When I was putting it in I snapped off the little metal contact that goes in the ignition switch so i cut the whole thing off at the wire and spliced in the ignition contact from the old clockspring. The result: horn, cruise and air bag still don't work, air bag light is still on, and now the door open chime goes off any time the door is open even when the key isn't in. Idk what to do now...

 

Now the airbag code is 35 instead of 32...

 

Now the airbag code is 35 instead of 32...

 

35 = Passenger Side Air Bag Circuit Low Resistance or Shorted