Too Stroked's Useful Boating Definitions
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Senior Member
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 3,248
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From: Rochester, NY, USA
Too Stroked's Useful Boating Definitions
Gentlemen,
Let's face it, many of us tow boats with our trucks. Maybe a few of these simple definitions will ring true. Enjoy!
Boat: A large object that sucks money out of the boat owner (see separate definition) at approximately the same velocity as Black Holes swallow matter.
Boat Owner: (see also: Sap, Idiot, etc.) A member of the species Mondo Homos Suckerus that is actually silly enough to shell out huge sums of cash for the privilege of using something 3 months out of the year that generally has the resale value of used tampons.
Keel: A device utilized to detect sandbars, reefs or other underwater – and generally immovable – objects.
Anchor: A heavy metal device designed to hold a boat in a desired position by utilizing a line sometimes secured to the boat (see Cleat). Also useful for removing large, irregularly shaped areas of gelcoat (see separate definition) from one’s deck.
Rub Rail: A device attached to the portion of a boat least likely to actually come in contact with docks, pilings and other immovable, sharp objects. “Rub” is actually somewhat of a misnomer in that the average boat “rubs” up against undesirable objects with approximately 29,286 PSI of force.
Propeller: A round, three or four bladed object generally made of Unobtainium attached to the output shaft of a boat’s engine and designed to turn rotational motion into lateral motion – into a fixed object. Also useful for detecting sandbars, reefs or other – generally immovable – objects beyond the reach of a keel. (see separate definition)
Cleat: A sharp object mounted in strategic locations around the deck of a boat to allow for speedy detection of bare feet and occasional use to attach Anchor Lines. (When actually used to attach one end of an anchor line, the other end is usually not attached to the anchor though.) See Littering.
GPS: Abbreviation for Global Positioning System. Useful, new electronic device generally utilized to determine the exact latitude and longitude of the immovable object you just hit so that the Coast Guard can render emergency assistance. Hand held versions of this device are also handy for determining water depth when accidentally dropped overboard.
Differential GPS: An even more accurate version of the Global Positioning System generally used to provide a more accurate description of the clearly marked shoal (or continent) you just hit to the Coast Guard. Enhancement rumored to be called Limited Slip Differential GPS.
Speedometer: A device located on the dashboard of most boats designed to indicate how fast the boat is moving – towards the immovable object. Many high performance powerboats utilize special speedometers with an expensive feature called “speed flattery.” This feature allows boats going only 51 MPH to give their owners a completely plausible excuse to say that they were actually going 97 MPH.
Trailer: A device sometimes used to transport a boat on dry land. More often used by Bayliner owners to block access to crowded launch ramps on Saturday mornings. Trailers come in two basic styles. Roller trailers allow Bayliner owners to roll their boats right off the trailer – and onto dry land. Bunk trailers give boat owners stuck behind Bayliner owners (at a crowded launch ramp on Saturday mornings) a place to catch up on some sleep.
Launch Ramp: An angled piece of (sometimes) paved real estate at the edge of a crowded body of water used to hopelessly jack-knife tow vehicles attached to Bayliners on Saturday mornings. Also used to determine (somewhat surprisingly) that clapped out 1982 Chevy S-10 tow vehicles do not have adequate power or traction to extract 28’ Bayliners from crowded bodies of water on Saturday afternoons just before a tornado hits.
Ramp Fee: The exorbitant amount of money paid to the owner of the angled piece of (sometimes) paved real estate at the edge of a crowded body of water used to hopelessly jack-knife tow vehicles attached to Bayliners on Saturday mornings.
Flare Gun: A device used to attract the attention of the Coast Guard after you have struck the immovable object clearly identified on the GPS map. Also used to hasten the departure of Bayliner owners from crowded launch ramps on Saturday mornings.
Low Oil Pressure Warning: A loud, audible alarm indicating that you’re about to spend huge sums of money rebuilding your engine. Special software prevents the alarm from going off before the damage is actually done.
Depth Sounder: A device that utilizes the principle of SONAR to determine how deep the water is now that you’re actually on the rocks. As an indicator of shallow water, it is generally less expensive and less reliable than a keel or propeller. (see separate definitions)
Gelcoat: The outer most layer of a fiberglass boat. Used to give the sun’s ultraviolet rays something to attack and oxidize into oblivion. Used on decks to provide a surface with virtually the same coefficient of friction as Mobil 1. On more expensive boats, gelcoat also contains a special additive that attracts sharp objects at approximately the same velocity as the words “blow job” attract certain Presidents of the United States from Arkansas.
Supercharger (aka. Procharger, Whipplecharger, Blower, etc.): A device that increases the air (and cash) flow through an internal combustion engine via means of an engine driven compressor. This increased air flow, when coupled with increased fuel flow, leads to more powerful explosions inside – and occasionally propagating to the outside – of the engine.
Rope: A term sometimes incorrectly used to describe a Line (see separate definition) by non-boaters and Bayliner owners.
Line: The shortest distance between two immovable objects (like the one you just missed and the one you just hit) identified on your GPS map.
Detonation: What happens to your wallet right after your Supercharger (see separate definition) causes your Low Oil Pressure Warning (see separate definition) to go off right after your Speedometer (see separate definition) says you were doing 82 MPH – in your Bayliner.
Personal Water Craft (aka; Jet Ski, PWC, SOB, etc.): A small water born vehicle that has approximately the same sound (and imparts approximately the same warm, fuzzy feeling) as a dentist’s drill. Generally purchased as a first “boat” with aspirations to someday move up to a Bayliner.
Hope this helps.
Let's face it, many of us tow boats with our trucks. Maybe a few of these simple definitions will ring true. Enjoy!
Boat: A large object that sucks money out of the boat owner (see separate definition) at approximately the same velocity as Black Holes swallow matter.
Boat Owner: (see also: Sap, Idiot, etc.) A member of the species Mondo Homos Suckerus that is actually silly enough to shell out huge sums of cash for the privilege of using something 3 months out of the year that generally has the resale value of used tampons.
Keel: A device utilized to detect sandbars, reefs or other underwater – and generally immovable – objects.
Anchor: A heavy metal device designed to hold a boat in a desired position by utilizing a line sometimes secured to the boat (see Cleat). Also useful for removing large, irregularly shaped areas of gelcoat (see separate definition) from one’s deck.
Rub Rail: A device attached to the portion of a boat least likely to actually come in contact with docks, pilings and other immovable, sharp objects. “Rub” is actually somewhat of a misnomer in that the average boat “rubs” up against undesirable objects with approximately 29,286 PSI of force.
Propeller: A round, three or four bladed object generally made of Unobtainium attached to the output shaft of a boat’s engine and designed to turn rotational motion into lateral motion – into a fixed object. Also useful for detecting sandbars, reefs or other – generally immovable – objects beyond the reach of a keel. (see separate definition)
Cleat: A sharp object mounted in strategic locations around the deck of a boat to allow for speedy detection of bare feet and occasional use to attach Anchor Lines. (When actually used to attach one end of an anchor line, the other end is usually not attached to the anchor though.) See Littering.
GPS: Abbreviation for Global Positioning System. Useful, new electronic device generally utilized to determine the exact latitude and longitude of the immovable object you just hit so that the Coast Guard can render emergency assistance. Hand held versions of this device are also handy for determining water depth when accidentally dropped overboard.
Differential GPS: An even more accurate version of the Global Positioning System generally used to provide a more accurate description of the clearly marked shoal (or continent) you just hit to the Coast Guard. Enhancement rumored to be called Limited Slip Differential GPS.
Speedometer: A device located on the dashboard of most boats designed to indicate how fast the boat is moving – towards the immovable object. Many high performance powerboats utilize special speedometers with an expensive feature called “speed flattery.” This feature allows boats going only 51 MPH to give their owners a completely plausible excuse to say that they were actually going 97 MPH.
Trailer: A device sometimes used to transport a boat on dry land. More often used by Bayliner owners to block access to crowded launch ramps on Saturday mornings. Trailers come in two basic styles. Roller trailers allow Bayliner owners to roll their boats right off the trailer – and onto dry land. Bunk trailers give boat owners stuck behind Bayliner owners (at a crowded launch ramp on Saturday mornings) a place to catch up on some sleep.
Launch Ramp: An angled piece of (sometimes) paved real estate at the edge of a crowded body of water used to hopelessly jack-knife tow vehicles attached to Bayliners on Saturday mornings. Also used to determine (somewhat surprisingly) that clapped out 1982 Chevy S-10 tow vehicles do not have adequate power or traction to extract 28’ Bayliners from crowded bodies of water on Saturday afternoons just before a tornado hits.
Ramp Fee: The exorbitant amount of money paid to the owner of the angled piece of (sometimes) paved real estate at the edge of a crowded body of water used to hopelessly jack-knife tow vehicles attached to Bayliners on Saturday mornings.
Flare Gun: A device used to attract the attention of the Coast Guard after you have struck the immovable object clearly identified on the GPS map. Also used to hasten the departure of Bayliner owners from crowded launch ramps on Saturday mornings.
Low Oil Pressure Warning: A loud, audible alarm indicating that you’re about to spend huge sums of money rebuilding your engine. Special software prevents the alarm from going off before the damage is actually done.
Depth Sounder: A device that utilizes the principle of SONAR to determine how deep the water is now that you’re actually on the rocks. As an indicator of shallow water, it is generally less expensive and less reliable than a keel or propeller. (see separate definitions)
Gelcoat: The outer most layer of a fiberglass boat. Used to give the sun’s ultraviolet rays something to attack and oxidize into oblivion. Used on decks to provide a surface with virtually the same coefficient of friction as Mobil 1. On more expensive boats, gelcoat also contains a special additive that attracts sharp objects at approximately the same velocity as the words “blow job” attract certain Presidents of the United States from Arkansas.
Supercharger (aka. Procharger, Whipplecharger, Blower, etc.): A device that increases the air (and cash) flow through an internal combustion engine via means of an engine driven compressor. This increased air flow, when coupled with increased fuel flow, leads to more powerful explosions inside – and occasionally propagating to the outside – of the engine.
Rope: A term sometimes incorrectly used to describe a Line (see separate definition) by non-boaters and Bayliner owners.
Line: The shortest distance between two immovable objects (like the one you just missed and the one you just hit) identified on your GPS map.
Detonation: What happens to your wallet right after your Supercharger (see separate definition) causes your Low Oil Pressure Warning (see separate definition) to go off right after your Speedometer (see separate definition) says you were doing 82 MPH – in your Bayliner.
Personal Water Craft (aka; Jet Ski, PWC, SOB, etc.): A small water born vehicle that has approximately the same sound (and imparts approximately the same warm, fuzzy feeling) as a dentist’s drill. Generally purchased as a first “boat” with aspirations to someday move up to a Bayliner.
Hope this helps.
May want to add Radar and Bilge alarm. 
Thread Starter
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Senior Member
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 3,248
Likes: 2
From: Rochester, NY, USA
Yes, Bayliners provide us with a never ending stream of jokes, examples of shoddy construction and most importantly for a marine mechanic - employment. I'm glad my F-150 isn't built that poorly! Maybe if the Koreans built a pickup truck ...
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 116
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One of my fathers friends had a Trophy, never ran the thing in the deep blue just the Waterway. Pulled it out one day and had stress cracks all through the hull.
As on the truck part, I'm not sure. My FX4 has just turned 10,100mi and I already have a squeak in the dash.
I though it was just my drawbar and convertaball bouncing around under the rear seat, except this morning it was in the garage. 
As on the truck part, I'm not sure. My FX4 has just turned 10,100mi and I already have a squeak in the dash.
I though it was just my drawbar and convertaball bouncing around under the rear seat, except this morning it was in the garage.
Thread Starter
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Senior Member
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 3,248
Likes: 2
From: Rochester, NY, USA
Fear not. Your FX4 is MUCh better built than the average Bayliner. My 2002 FX4 has 43,000 wonderful, hard working and virtually trouble free miles on it. I put 59,000 miles on each truck before I trade them in. This is my 3rd (1997-2003 vintage) F-150 and all of them have been great trucks and the 2004 is an even better truck. I'm sure your noise is something minor that the dealer can fix. Nothing is as bad as a Bayliner. I have the war stories to prove it. For example, not too many brand new F-150's sink at the dock due to a factory defect.