My new racer!!!!
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Joined: Aug 2000
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From: Carol Stream Illinois
My new racer!!!!
Our daughter Kayla Elisabeth was born last tuesday 6-25-02 at 7:19 pm. She was 7 pounds 4 ounces and 20 inches long. (a little smaller than my son when he was born exactily 2 years earlier to the day). Were a big happy family now. The wife was a rock in the delivery room. It feels really weird to say I have children instead of one son.
Later,
Darryl Asnaz
Later,
Darryl Asnaz
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Joined: Oct 1999
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From: NJ
Congrats dude! And since you now have a little girl, you'll need the info below 
:
TEN RULES FOR DATING MY DAUGHTER
Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable young guys to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that, in today's world, sex without utilizing a " Barrier Method " of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: When it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. But with me please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safety back at my house. And the only word I need from you on this subject is " Early ".
Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup and fixing her hair, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car or washing my truck.
Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:
l. Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool.
2. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight.
3. Places where there is darkness.
4. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness.
5. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat.
6. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay, hockey games are okay, Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a middle-aged has-been but on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have many guns, a shovel, and access to many acres of woodland. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Da Nang. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early. You may then return to your vehicle - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face you see in the window is mine.
:TEN RULES FOR DATING MY DAUGHTER
Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable young guys to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that, in today's world, sex without utilizing a " Barrier Method " of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: When it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. But with me please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safety back at my house. And the only word I need from you on this subject is " Early ".
Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup and fixing her hair, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car or washing my truck.
Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:
l. Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool.
2. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight.
3. Places where there is darkness.
4. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness.
5. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat.
6. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay, hockey games are okay, Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a middle-aged has-been but on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have many guns, a shovel, and access to many acres of woodland. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Da Nang. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early. You may then return to your vehicle - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face you see in the window is mine.
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Joined: Jul 2001
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From: Ft Lauderdale, FL, USA!
I am going to take that seriously once I have kids (girl) -
Seriously man...when she turns 15 they become deceitful lying bit**** ...it wears off in a few years...but I am telling you...when they say they are going out with a couple of girlfriends to a movie...THEY ARE LYING!!! When she says "I'm staying at Ashley's"...SHE IS LYING!!!
Be careful --- very...very...careful
Oh yeah...I almost forgot...Congratulations!
Seriously man...when she turns 15 they become deceitful lying bit**** ...it wears off in a few years...but I am telling you...when they say they are going out with a couple of girlfriends to a movie...THEY ARE LYING!!! When she says "I'm staying at Ashley's"...SHE IS LYING!!!
Be careful --- very...very...careful
Oh yeah...I almost forgot...Congratulations!
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From: Elkton, MD
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Joined: Nov 2000
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From: Baldwin ,Wi.
CONGRATS!!
We are having a baby in Nov. I told my Wife if we have a little boy we only have to worry about one little ***** . But if we have a girl we have to worry about a whole city full of ******!!
If at anytime a kid comes to pick up my daughter and reminds me of myself hes out!
We are having a baby in Nov. I told my Wife if we have a little boy we only have to worry about one little ***** . But if we have a girl we have to worry about a whole city full of ******!!
If at anytime a kid comes to pick up my daughter and reminds me of myself hes out!
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 1,343
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From: Las Vegas, NV
Originally posted by retics4me
CONGRATS!!
We are having a baby in Nov. I told my Wife if we have a little boy we only have to worry about one little ***** . But if we have a girl we have to worry about a whole city full of ******!!
If at anytime a kid comes to pick up my daughter and reminds me of myself hes out!
CONGRATS!!
We are having a baby in Nov. I told my Wife if we have a little boy we only have to worry about one little ***** . But if we have a girl we have to worry about a whole city full of ******!!
If at anytime a kid comes to pick up my daughter and reminds me of myself hes out!
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Senior Member
Joined: Aug 2000
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From: Carol Stream Illinois
Thanks guys. I wear the key to my gun safe around my neck.
Coincedentally after we found out we'd be having a girl I got another smith and wesson and an 12 gauge for my collection. Paranoia i guess. I denfinaely can wait till she wants to start dating.
Darryl
Coincedentally after we found out we'd be having a girl I got another smith and wesson and an 12 gauge for my collection. Paranoia i guess. I denfinaely can wait till she wants to start dating.
Darryl