For the new guys: ULTIMATE POWER


I borrowed my wife's Geo Metro last night. One liter of raw power, 3
cylinders of asphalt-tearing terror on thirteen-inch rims. It's stock,
alright, nothing done to it, but it pushes the barely 2000 pounds of metro
around with AUTHORITY. I'm always catching mopeds and 18-wheelers by
surprise...

I was headed back from Baskin Robbins with my manly triple-latte cappuccino
blast ("No Cinnamon, ma'am, I take it BLACK"), when I stopped at a
streetlight. As the Metro throbbed its throaty idle around me, I sipped my
bold beverage and wiped the white froth my stiff upper lip. I was minding
my own business, but then I heard a rev from the next lane.

I turned, made eye contact, then let my eyes trace over the competition.
Ford Festiva -- a late model, could be trouble. Low profile tires, curb
feelers, and schoolbus-yellow paint. Yep, a hot rod, for sure.

The howl of his motor snapped my reverie, and I looked back into the
driver's eyes, nodded, then blipped my own throttle. As I tugged on my
driving gloves and slipped on my sunglasses (gotta look cool to be fast,
and I am *damn* cool, hence...), the night was split with the sound of
seven screaming cylinders...

Then the light turned... I almost had him out of the hole, my three
pounding cylinders thrusting me at least a millimeter back into my seat, as
smoke pouring from my front right tire... my unlimited slip differential
was letting me down! I saw in the corner of my eyes, a yellow snout
gaining, and I heard the roar of his four cylinders. He slung by me, right
front wheel juddering against the pavement, and he flashed me a smile as
his .7 extra liters of motor stretched its legs. I kept my foot gamely in
it, though, waiting for the CHECK ENGINE light to blink on in the one-gauge
(no tachometer here!) instrument panel. I saw a glimpse of chrome under his
bumper, and knew the ugly truth... He was running a custom exhaust --
probably a 2-into-1 dual exhaust ... maybe event cutouts! Damn his hot-rod
soul! The old lady passing us on the crosswalk cast a dirty look in our
boy-racer direction...

Yet still I persisted, with my three pumping pistons singing a heady
high-pitched song, wound fully out. Though only a few handfuls of seconds
had passed, we were nearing the crosswalk at the other side of the
intersection, and I heard the note of his engine change as he made his
shift to second, and I saw his grin in his rearview mirror fade as he
missed the shift! I rocketed by, shifting, and nursed the clutch gently in
to keep from bogging, keeping my motor spinning hot and pulling me ahead,
now trailing a cloud of stinking clutch smoke. Not ready to give up so
easily, he left his foot in it, revving, and I heard one wheel *almost*
chirp as he finally found second and dropped the clutch. We careened over
the crosswalk, now going at least 15 miles per hour. A bicyclist passed us,
but intent on the race as we were, neither of us batted an eye.

He pulled slowly abreast of me, and neck and neck, we made the shift to
third, the scream of motors deafening all pedestrians within a five foot
circle. He nosed ahead as we passed 30 miles an hour, then eased in front
of me, taunting, as we shifted into fourth. I was staring up the dual 6"
chrome tips of his exhaust, snarling, my cappuccino forgotten, as he lifted
a little to take the next corner.

I saw my opportunity, and counting on the innate agility of my trusty
steed, I pulled wide into the number two lane and kept my foot buried in
carpet. Slowly, I inched around him, feeling my Metro roll slowly to the
left as I came abreast in the midst of this gradual sweeping turn. I felt
the Geo ease onto its suspension stops, and felt the right rear wheel
slowly leave the ground - no matter, though, because my drive wheels, up
front, were pulling me through the corner, and around the Festiva ... The
Ford driver beat his wheel in rage as my wife's car eased past him on the
outside, my P165/54R13's screaming in protest, as we raced to the next
light. We coasted down, neck-and neck, to the red light. I tightened my
driving gloves, ready for another round, when this WIMP in the next car
meekly flipped his turn signal and made a right. Chevy (Suzuki) superiority
reigns!!!

I drove off sipping my masculine drink, awash in my sheer virility, looking
for other unwitting targets.... Perhaps a Yugo, or maybe even a Volkswagon
Van!




------------------
Red '00 Lightning,
Power Surge Performance enhanced,
Sound effects provided by Flowmaster,
13.701@100.81

 

wow.. made my heart beat fast.
i need a nap now.

 

4D

Excellent. Extremely intertaining. I loved it.

------------------
Jim
Jim@FordMotor.cc

Black 00, 4.10's, SuperChip/R9, super whites, Airaid w/10" Big Mouth, Mobile1 w/FilterMag, chrome wheels, AIM 2" drop, clear corners
2000 E320, 1993 Cobra R, 1959 Corvette,
1949 Plymouth Coupe

 

Most excellent prose!!

ROFLMFAO

------------------
Regards,
Gordon

'99 Red Lightning
Johnny Lightning Superchip
Pro-M 80mm MAF
Century Tonneau

Injection is nice, but I'd rather be blown.

 

Bravo, Bravo, kinda makes me miss my wifes measely Saturn that we traded in for the Pathfinder.....NOT

That was a great story!!!!!

------------------
99' Black (Wikd)SVT
best run 13.54 @ 101.35

 

Excellent story made me feel like I was right there with you, hunched over in the back compartment they call a seat. GP

 

Well done. I only wish you had this on video for us to download. LOL

 

This is what happens in the UK. Everyone drives these kinds of cars...

Perhaps (read sarcastically) it's the fact that they get 55 mpg and gas is $4.00 /gallon.

We rented a Fiat 1.2L four out of London, and still managed to go 95-100 m.p.h. down the A4. Do the British have less-strict emissions? Or is it a less-strict safety requirement so that the cars can save wieght?

 

Bravo, 4D THNDR! You show promise as an as yet undiscovered trash novelist.

 

Didn't someone post this on one of the other forums a few months ago???

 

That was the best reading I've had in 5 hours!!! You've inspired me to take my Civic (Rental), and go burn some rubber while I still have it!!!!!!

 

Sorry to those who thought that I wrote this, I just reposted it from last November when I had found it on another board. I found it quite amusing so I thought I would repost it for the new. Again, sorry for any misunderstanding.

------------------
Red '00 Lightning,
Power Surge Performance enhanced,
Sound effects provided by Flowmaster,
13.701@100.81

 

I'm still grinning! reminds me of a time when I was 15. I had a moped, & my best friend had a go kart with 3 flat tires we kept racing around a two block area on city streets, The moped would holeshot, then at the end of the run he would catch me. sometimes I won sometimes he did, we did this for about an hour until the cops showed up. when I drove past the squad as it drove by, & my friend had some explaining to do!! he had to push it home, those were the days. Lloyd

------------------

2000 Black L #2189. Airaid & Superchip. 1973 Cutlass Supreme 455/450HP 4 speed. Too many Mods to list! 95 Olds Aurora 91 S10 305/700r4 project 2000 freightliner FL60 Rollback tow truck 1989 Ford F450 Wrecker My garage overuneth

 

4D, even if you didn't write it, thanks for posting it.

I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. Am still wiping away the tears.

Thanks again !!!!!!

 

That is without a doubt one of the funniest things I've read in a long time. That was great! I'm still cracking up because I've been there man. I've driven those bastards a time or two and know exactly where you're comming from. I just couldn't put it into words the way you did.