I am at a less than thrilling deposition of a structural engineering expert in a construction defect matter. Someone tell me something interesting.

Lg.

 

Here's a joke for you: One day in Contract Law class, Professor Jetson asked one of his better students, "Now if you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?"

The student replied, "Here's an orange."

The professor was livid.

"No! No! Think like a lawyer!" the Professor instructed.

The student then recited, "Okay, I'd tell him, 'I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding ....."

 

How's about cheer up and be thankful you are employed?

 

As I will be sitting here until after 7 pm tonight, I'll try to have happy thoughts.

 

Hey...........how bout' this?.......................




Shazaaam..........

 

there were these two drug dealers and they went before the judge...the judge said "your looking at some serious time,but i'll tell you what,i'll let you go if you can get 50 people off drugs in ten days"...ten days later they came back...the judge asks the first one "how many people did you get off drugs?"..."your honor ,i only got twentyfive people off drugs"... "what did you tell them?" the judge asks....the drug dealer drew a large circle then a smaller circle inside the large one.."i told them'this is your brain before drugs(pointing at the large circle),this is your brain after drugs'(pointing at the smaller circle)"...."good,kinda like that fried egg commercial,right?"says the judge...."how about you?" ask the judge to the other drug dealer..."your honor,i got one hundred people off drugs!"..."a hundred people!!" exclaims the judge "what did you tell them?"...pointing at the smaller circle, the drug dealer told the judge"i told them this is your a$$hole before prison" then pointing at the larger circle "this is your a$$hole after prison

 

Something interesting...... Ok, why did you choose such a boring
job?

 

How's this:

Be glad you didn't buy a house that was remodeled by a redneck mechanical engineer that too stupid to realize that water doesn't flow uphill.

 

...joseph glidden was credited with inventing the barbed wire fence in the late 1860's, early 1870.

from what i have read this greatly changed the face of the west.



also i think the first television was invented by philo farnsworth (sp?)who was a garage inventor. i believe he never received any monetary compensation for what he did, and lost out to 'corporate america'...


i'm thinking at some point in your life you have come across barbed wire, or a television, so there....

 

LG,

As you were writing this, I was cruising Boston Harbor on the "Spirit of Boston" with a bunch of Engineers...some of them the structural type. The sunset was amazing the drinks pored freely and the lobster was de-lish. I wish you could have deposed him or her here instead of there. Then if they didn't answer your questions, you could have disposed of them after you deposed them.

 

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, which is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing with time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving.

I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions, and since people do not belong to more than on religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell. Because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year - that "? it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you" - and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then #2 cannot be true; and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze over.

 

Something I was thinking of this morning.
That little guy in Austin Powers, 'Mini Me', his alma mater would be Miniscule.

 

hhhmmmmm.

 

A mother six months pregnant was just getting ready to get into the shower when her three year old daughter walked in.
She said,"Mommy, you are getting fat!"
The mother replied, "Yes honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."
"I know," the kid replied, "but what's growing in your butt?"

 

Bak`k`tarr: My dog has no nose.

Jin`cak: How does he smell?

Bak`k`tarr: Are you saying I would keep an unclean dog?

- Bak`k`tarr then attacks Jin`cak with something very sharp.

*much hilarity ensues*