The rules (a guys version)
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From: NJ
The rules (a guys version)
We always hear "the rules" from the feminine side. Ok - well now hear the guys' side - These are our rules! Please note ... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
1. Birthdays, Valentines and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
1. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you.
Live with it.
1. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and NASCAR.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you ear is fine. Really.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work.
Strong hints do not work.
Obvious hints do not work.
Just say it damn't!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries
on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.
1. Check your oil! Please.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us
to act like soap opera guys.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of
the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done - not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two
months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
1. ALL (real) men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default
settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that and that's what we
do.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. I'm in shape. - ROUND is a shape.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
1. Birthdays, Valentines and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
1. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you.
Live with it.
1. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and NASCAR.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you ear is fine. Really.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work.
Strong hints do not work.
Obvious hints do not work.
Just say it damn't!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries
on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.
1. Check your oil! Please.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us
to act like soap opera guys.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of
the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done - not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two
months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
1. ALL (real) men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default
settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that and that's what we
do.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. I'm in shape. - ROUND is a shape.
Junior Member
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 7
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From: Brisbane, Australia
OK, that was pretty funny, so in the order of fairness of the sexes here's another one and yes I know that it is for the women this time: Sorry, Captainoblivious
LAWS FOR WOMEN LIVE BY
1. Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.
2. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.
3. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
4. If we put a man on the moon - we should be able to put them all up there.
5. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.
6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces so that you can tell them apart.
7. Definition of a bachelor: 'A man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.'
8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
9. Best way to get a man to do something: suggest he's too old for it.
10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
12. The children of Israel wandered in the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him cheque books.
14. Remember: a sense of humour does not mean you tell him jokes; it means you laugh at his.
Jod
LAWS FOR WOMEN LIVE BY
1. Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.
2. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.
3. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
4. If we put a man on the moon - we should be able to put them all up there.
5. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.
6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces so that you can tell them apart.
7. Definition of a bachelor: 'A man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.'
8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
9. Best way to get a man to do something: suggest he's too old for it.
10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
12. The children of Israel wandered in the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him cheque books.
14. Remember: a sense of humour does not mean you tell him jokes; it means you laugh at his.
Jod
