My friend
Senior Member
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 336
Likes: 0
From: Buffalo, NY US
LOL!
So - how much snow did you get? We're just having HORRIBLE winds now - 70mph gusts & sustained winds of 35 - 50mph. I had to move my truck - another HUGE tree is about to fall & would have crushed him!
I wrote this 2 years ago - I hope you enjoy it. It will help you "bond" with your friend! You may already know these tips - if so just pass them along to a neophyte!
Thanks to ATST for posting/saving this at her site for me - I've had to refer back to it a few times myself!
How To Shovel Snow
1) Dress in layers - LOTS of them! Try to make sure that no part of your body can bend - especially at the waist. This is a way to avoid throwing out your back!
2) Grab a bottle of your favorite alcoholic beverage. This will be used to wash down your aspirin which you will take as a preventative measure. It is also used to numb the feelings of numbness you get after 3 minutes outside in double sub zero digit temps.
3) A full face goggle is a GOOD thing so that when you throw that shovelful of snow up & away & it comes flying back in your face, you do not freeze the vitreous humor in your eyeballs. When this substance freezes I hear the eyes actually crack open but as I haven't had this happen YET it is only speculation.
4) See #2 - time for a shot. Or several.
5) Placing a pillow around your waist, facing backwards, is a good idea so that when you land on your posterior it won't hurt. As much.
6) Carry a cell phone at all times so that as you slip under the closest vehicle, you can place a call to 911 before you lose the signal.
7) Time for #2 - again ! Hic!
8) Now stand back & proudly survey all your hard work JUST AS the Village plow comes by & undoes it all for you, THANK YOU VERY MUCH - YOU IDIOTS! Sorry - just recalling my last conversation with the "Highway" Department of the VILLAGE of Sloan! I will get them or my name ain't whatever the hell it is - I had too much of #2 to remember. Or care.
9) Stumble inside, with fogged up glasses & stiff sore body parts (which you never even knew existed!) & start peeling off the 18 layers you put on. Be sure to have plenty of towels ready to mop up the snow/ice/sweat which is now puddling around your frozen feet. Be careful not to S L I P - OUCH! Go back to #2 & finish it off. Oh wait - it was finished HOURS ago? Well, get the OTHER bottle, break it open, take it to bed with you & stay there till AUGUST! That should be safe!
There you have it - snow removal tips from a PRO! I am going to experiment with a new method however - I am buying a flame thrower from the Army for our next BIG storm. I'll let you know how it goes after the flooding subsides!
Now - remember - you don't ACTUALLY shovel the snow! You merely push it around till the friction melts it! Then, there won't be anything left to shovel! And if you practice step 2 then you won't care how long that takes!
I wrote this 2 years ago - I hope you enjoy it. It will help you "bond" with your friend! You may already know these tips - if so just pass them along to a neophyte!
Thanks to ATST for posting/saving this at her site for me - I've had to refer back to it a few times myself!
How To Shovel Snow
1) Dress in layers - LOTS of them! Try to make sure that no part of your body can bend - especially at the waist. This is a way to avoid throwing out your back!
2) Grab a bottle of your favorite alcoholic beverage. This will be used to wash down your aspirin which you will take as a preventative measure. It is also used to numb the feelings of numbness you get after 3 minutes outside in double sub zero digit temps.
3) A full face goggle is a GOOD thing so that when you throw that shovelful of snow up & away & it comes flying back in your face, you do not freeze the vitreous humor in your eyeballs. When this substance freezes I hear the eyes actually crack open but as I haven't had this happen YET it is only speculation.
4) See #2 - time for a shot. Or several.
5) Placing a pillow around your waist, facing backwards, is a good idea so that when you land on your posterior it won't hurt. As much.
6) Carry a cell phone at all times so that as you slip under the closest vehicle, you can place a call to 911 before you lose the signal.
7) Time for #2 - again ! Hic!
8) Now stand back & proudly survey all your hard work JUST AS the Village plow comes by & undoes it all for you, THANK YOU VERY MUCH - YOU IDIOTS! Sorry - just recalling my last conversation with the "Highway" Department of the VILLAGE of Sloan! I will get them or my name ain't whatever the hell it is - I had too much of #2 to remember. Or care.
9) Stumble inside, with fogged up glasses & stiff sore body parts (which you never even knew existed!) & start peeling off the 18 layers you put on. Be sure to have plenty of towels ready to mop up the snow/ice/sweat which is now puddling around your frozen feet. Be careful not to S L I P - OUCH! Go back to #2 & finish it off. Oh wait - it was finished HOURS ago? Well, get the OTHER bottle, break it open, take it to bed with you & stay there till AUGUST! That should be safe!
There you have it - snow removal tips from a PRO! I am going to experiment with a new method however - I am buying a flame thrower from the Army for our next BIG storm. I'll let you know how it goes after the flooding subsides!
Now - remember - you don't ACTUALLY shovel the snow! You merely push it around till the friction melts it! Then, there won't be anything left to shovel! And if you practice step 2 then you won't care how long that takes!
Thread Starter
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Senior Member
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 307
Likes: 0
From: Montana
Hey thanks CL, that is funny. The only problem is that it was on a 4x4 trip to the highlands. I have about 2.5 feet clearance to the door jams and they were level with the snow...fun, very fun. I only got stuck once and the other "truck" (a chevy blazer) got stuck several times
. Yes we helped him out.
. Yes we helped him out.
