SOUTHERN ADVICE


If you are from the northern states and planning on visiting or moving to the South, there are a few things you should know that will help you adapt to the difference in lifestyles:

If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them; just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. DO NOT buy food at this store.

Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's" is plural possessive.

Get used to hearing 'You ain't from 'round here, 'er ya?

The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective 'big ol' truck or 'big ol' boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.

Be advised that 'He needed killin' is a valid defense here. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this,", you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store.

It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their Mammas taught them how to aim.

The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes .. The South has 'mater samiches.

The North has coffee houses .. The South has Waffle Houses.
The North has dating services .. The South has family reunions.
The North has switchblade knives .. The South has Lee Press-on Nails.
The North has double last names .. The South has double first names.
The North has Ted Kennedy .. The South has Jesse Helms.
The North has an ambulance .. The South has an amalance.
The North has Cream of Wheat .. The South has grits.
The North has green salads .. The South has collard greens.
The North has lobsters .. The South has crawdads.

AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call them biscuits.

 

hahhahahahahah lol lol hahahahaaha lol ...
ya got dat right bubba

the north has "soda " or "pop"
the South has Pepsi or Coke

in the north you get undressed at night
in the South we git nekid

yes , their is a place called Possum Kingdom , S.C.
yes , their is a Sugar Tit , S.C.

Yes , their is a bunch a good ol boys with guns down here , so if ya don't start nutten , wont be nutten , cuz we play fer keeps next time !

 

ROFLMAO

Natty

 

Oh how true! Many a tragedy have been preceeded by these words. Another warning of impending doom is " Hey y'all, lookit how fass this thing'll go!!"

 

sounds like my family
north calls them pee-cans
south calls them pa-cons

 

I know for a fact that what happens after you say " Hey ya'll watch this" is true. It might be your last words! Me and one of my buddies went skateboarding in a subdivision with alot of huge hills one day. An we came upon a hill that looked like Dead man's drop. So I say "hey Steve watch this!" I got on my skateboard, took a deep breath, and off I go down that hill. I took off slow, but I kept on picking up speed as I went down the hill. When I got up to about 30 mph(fast for a skateboard), I started gettin' squirrelly and bobbing from side to side. Still tryin' to stay on the board, I believe I hit a rock or a crack in the road, and it threw me off head first onto the blacktop. The neighbors said I was laying there in a pool of blood shaking and having violent convulsions. They said my friend Steve kicking me trying to wake me up, but it knocked me clean out! I woke up in the ER, and the Doctor was sewing up the back of my head(14 stitches, and a fractured skull), and I must have passed out cause I don't remember nothing until I woke up in my hospital room 3 or 4 hours later. And I suffered 5 years of mental illness (depression, anxiety). So take it from me, don't be stupid when riding skateboards or anything else for that matter. In the words of my father, "Use your head for something besides a hat rack". And dont say "Hey ya'll watch this!" You may regret it.

 

Hilarious guys, funny as heck!

 

wolverine
i did that on a bike just not with the same outcome, all i got was a big road rash down the middle of my face

 

If you ever hear "Hey fellas, ya'll aint goin' belive this s#@t!"
Stay tuned to hear a truly amazing story!!

Down here, A man's best friends are Mr Beam, Mr. Smith and Mr. Wesson...In that order!!

And don't forget...If you can't make a U turn at least try to make one go "Baaaa" ....Oh wait thats West Virginia!!

 

that is a very nice use of a double negative.
there is plenty of them down here in the south.

another i hear a lot is....

"naw, we aint got none"
thats not funny it is annoying.

ecspecially when one of my waitresses says it to a customer when they ask for something that we are out of..

 

Hey Steven1642,

does running a restaurant explain the "SWILL" license plate?

BOB

 

*LMAO*
This is hilarious, you are describing my hometown. Especially the double negative, and sometimes I don't even think we use English, we just change words until they fit. Such as
"I already knew about things that were going on." translates to
"I done knowed `bout all `at."
This is funny as all get out.

 

that is a good question about the licnese plate. that is the second person that has said that.

i dont know why people call me that.