Dear Santa ,

I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.

Yer Frend,
BiLLy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a f**king book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!

Santa
---
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year,and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!

Love,
Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

Santa
---
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this,but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.

Love,
Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his *** constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead.

Santa
---
Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.

Love,
Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay.

Santa
---
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.

Love,
Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch.

Santa
---
Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?

Timmy

Timmy,
That whiney begging **** may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.

Santa

 

That's my kind of Santa.LOL

 

WOW
I bet he wishes he could say all that! LOL

 

that's some funny stuff beastrider! I think I
speak for mall santas everywhere!

 

That is classic!!!

 

LOL!!!!!!

 

thats great

 

I just got those today along with a couple more.....


Dear Santa,

What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?

Your Friend,
Thomas


Dear Thomas,

All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of ****tail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.

-----

Dear Santa,

Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?

Love,
Jessica


Dear Jessica,

Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.

-----

Dear Santa,

We don't have a chimney at our house, how do you get in our home?

Love,
Marky


Dear Mark,

First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're always getting your *** whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low rent apartment complex. Third, I get in your pad the same way the Boogeyman does, through the bedroom window.

Sweet Dreams!
Santa

 

LMAO!!! That was hilarious!!

 

whew, glad i read this one early. no one here yet to hear me laugh those are some good ones.

trapper was that an insinuation that you may be a mall santa? if so, i know there must be some stories there.

 

I'll never tell!