For the southern states:
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From: Missoula, MT
For the southern states:
Got this from RRORC.Letter From Santa:
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able
to serve Southern United States on Christmas Eve.
Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was
renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. I now serve only
certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin and Michigan. As part of
the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so
keep that in mind.
I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local
replacement who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the
family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all
the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us.
Differences such as:
1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba
Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads:
"These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."
2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave
an RC cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace. And Bubba
doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty
spit can handy.
3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs
instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my
reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.
4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen ..." when
Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Wallace, on
Martin and Labonte. On Rudd, on Jarrett, on Elliott and Gordon."
5. "Ho, ho, ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you also are
likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I heer'd dat!"
6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have
a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back off". The
last I heard it also had other decorations on the sleigh back as well. One
is Ford or Chevy logo with lights that race through the letters and the
other is a caricature of me (Santa Claus) going wee wee on the Tooth Fairy.
7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street"
and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing
area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the
Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol
cars crashing into each other.
8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you,
the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents
under the tree.
9. And finally, lovely Christmas songs have been sung about me like
"Rudolph The Red-nosed Reindeer" and Bing Crosby's "Santa Claus Is Coming to
Town." This year songs about Bubba Claus will be played on all the AM radio
stations in the South. Those song title will be Mark Chestnut's "Bubba Claus
Shot the Jukebox" and "Grandma Got Run'd Over by a Reindeer."
Sincerely Yours,
Santa Claus
Member of North American Fairies and Elves Local 20
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able
to serve Southern United States on Christmas Eve.
Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was
renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. I now serve only
certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin and Michigan. As part of
the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so
keep that in mind.
I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local
replacement who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the
family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all
the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us.
Differences such as:
1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba
Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads:
"These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."
2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave
an RC cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace. And Bubba
doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty
spit can handy.
3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs
instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my
reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.
4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen ..." when
Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Wallace, on
Martin and Labonte. On Rudd, on Jarrett, on Elliott and Gordon."
5. "Ho, ho, ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you also are
likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I heer'd dat!"
6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have
a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back off". The
last I heard it also had other decorations on the sleigh back as well. One
is Ford or Chevy logo with lights that race through the letters and the
other is a caricature of me (Santa Claus) going wee wee on the Tooth Fairy.
7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street"
and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing
area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the
Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol
cars crashing into each other.
8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you,
the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents
under the tree.
9. And finally, lovely Christmas songs have been sung about me like
"Rudolph The Red-nosed Reindeer" and Bing Crosby's "Santa Claus Is Coming to
Town." This year songs about Bubba Claus will be played on all the AM radio
stations in the South. Those song title will be Mark Chestnut's "Bubba Claus
Shot the Jukebox" and "Grandma Got Run'd Over by a Reindeer."
Sincerely Yours,
Santa Claus
Member of North American Fairies and Elves Local 20
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 1,827
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From: FL
Re: For the southern states:
Originally posted by my97offroad
...also had other decorations on the sleigh back as well. One
is Ford or Chevy logo with lights that race through the letters and the
other is a caricature of me (Santa Claus) going wee wee on the Tooth Fairy....
...also had other decorations on the sleigh back as well. One
is Ford or Chevy logo with lights that race through the letters and the
other is a caricature of me (Santa Claus) going wee wee on the Tooth Fairy....
Senior Member
Joined: Apr 2001
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From: Northern Kentucky
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Member
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 98
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From: Vista, CA
Originally posted by J-150
Unfortunately, California will be served by Ricer Claus who has a VTEC badge on his sleigh with a 4" fart pipe out the back
and only FOUR reindeer.
Unfortunately, California will be served by Ricer Claus who has a VTEC badge on his sleigh with a 4" fart pipe out the back
and only FOUR reindeer.
