My old boss, who's a Harvard grad:

".....over the last 15 months, we've traveled to every corner of the United States. I've now been in 57 states? I think one left to go."

 

Here's another:

"We understand you need more help in your department, but we've discovered your job only requires a man and a half." Holy s#!t. - Og

 

If they promote me, they'll promote anybody.....

 

Any computer problem, whether it be locked up screen, printer spewing paper, or any output scrambled in some way,
my boss would take it all in, ponder for several seconds and then make his contribution....

..."This tells me there's something wrong."

Now, everybody in the office says it when there's a glitch.

 

A continuation:

"If you know someone who can come in with the skills needed, feel free to give them an application. Keep in mind that we're not hiring right now, though."

I'm sure you guys are starting to realize that I work for a bunch of friggin' nut jobs. But, for now, their payroll checks haven't bounced. Yet. - Og

 

"What is this?" I dunno you ordered it.

 

"I have a very important job for you today, make sure this gets on the flight I guaranteed it would be there".... I asked him which flight, and for one thing that flight number didnt exist so I asked him which city it was going to... we didnt even fly there

From my last job:

"Make sure all those loads move tonight, but hold the trailers"

Got a call early one morning "Why arent you at work!", "Ummm, its Saturday", my boss "Huh, then why the hell am I here?"

 

YEAH! wtf; I think the saying is "fool me once - shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me."

 

or like my dad used to tell me "do something even if it's RIGHT

 

"hey were moving slow tonight, would u like the night off?"
Me: yea sure ill take the night off
"ok sir sianara" (how ever its spelled)
15 minutes pass so i could catch things up for the other guys. i go to clock out.
" Sir, where are you going?! i did not say you can go home" WTF?
Me: you just told me to take the night off!
"no i did not! why would i say that? i need you to work. i told Michael to go home!" (the other guy)
at this point i dont even wanna argue with this idiot so i just did my job
WHAT A FRUIT CAKE!!