At my daughter's mother.
Took me 3 years in court to get to even see my little girl. Her mother kept filing for custody and then not showing up, having her lawyer continue the case, switching lawyers, etc...27 actual dates and she is there for 2 altogether.
Last time, I convinced her to give up fighting, and in exchange things would be eaiser for her. She gets visitation anytime she wants for as long as she wants, no need to keep the little girl from her mother, that just hurts the little girl in the long run. As long as there's no interference with any plans, she gets to see her.
No drug tests. I know it's hard to get clean, and I do believe that people should for their children if for no other reason, but, if you can't control yourself on Monday, when you show up on Saturday to visit, at least be sober. It's up to judgement each visit as to whether or not you are clean, no mandated test or anything, which could have easily been granted.
Visited with our daughter. They got very close, my daughter would wait at the window and stare at the driveway waiting on her mother, which again is fine with me. That's her mother, and it doesn't bother me in the least.
Last Saturday in October was the last visit, when she promised our daughter that she would be back to visit her again in a few days or the next week.
No phone calls, no emails, no text, no letters, nothing to even attempt to get a time set to visit. I try to call, no answer. No response to my letters or texts or emails.
My little girl goes about her business, being as happy as a 5 year old can be. She was always asking me about things that she and her mother used to do together, when they ahd fun, and then one day, while sitting at the window, she turns and says "Mommy's not coming back, is she?"
This both broke my heart and ticked me off to no end, so I leave a nasty message about how she needs to come see her daughter.
Now, my kid looks through her early photo albums and points at her mother and asks "Do I know her?" How am I supposed to answer that?
Ticks me off to no end that someone can't get clean enough for a couple of hours to come visit their kid.
Sorry, all, just had to vent on that a little bit. Any advice on what to do would be helpful, too. I have tried all I know to do.

 

Sounds like your daughter is better off bud. Hate to say it....but some people aren't worth the salt they are made of. Props to you for being a stand-up FATHER. Any fool can be a daddy....takes a real man to be a Father. Good luck.

 

its just going to come down to that day as your daughter has grown up and remembers what her mother did, and one day her mother is going to show up. and your daughter tells her, "I don't know you." then watch the reaction on the mothers face.

 

It sucks that your daughter has to go through that, I have a 6 and 4 year old and its hard when im away more then one day. I hope your ex straightens her act out.

 

I agree. The two of you got divorced (Or split) because you no longer felt like dragging her around and trying to force her to take control of her responsibilities.

Why do it now? I know it breaks your heart to see your little girl in pain. It just means YOU have to be that much better of a parent.

You drive an Ford. You've got some intelligence

 

Honestly, it is a blessing in disguise for you and your daughter.

My first wife hasn't seen our daughter since she was three. She wasn't a druggie, just an extremely immature woman. Only cared about herself.

If you raise them right there will be no worries. My daughter is now a college junior, and my current wife, my daughter's (not blood, but) real mother and I couldn't be more proud of her. We got married when my daughter was 5.

 

I think it will be ok, just ticks me off majorly that she would hurt the kid like that.
I shouldn't have to point at pictures and tell my daughter who her mother is, she should come visit her.
She called and asked if she could have a recent picture, I told her sure, come take one, I will even let you use my camera. No response.

 

Holy crap! I thought I was the only father on earth whose ex wife doesn't visit her own kids. Like Stealth's ex, mine didn't have an addiction to blame either. Just selfish behavior. It has been 14 years since we split, and she has come and visited them just a handful of times. Our son is now 18, and he doesn't even return his mom's calls.

OP - make sure your daughter knows that she is not to blame for her mother rejecting her. She might wrestle with those feelings at some point in her childhood, so have a plan to help her through that.

 

We were lucky. Her mother completely fell off the face of the earth. No visits, ever, once the divorce was finalized. She didn't even show up for the final judgement with the Judge. He was just a bit shocked.

The incubator even lives less than 100 miles from us, never a visit. My daughter even has a grandmother and an aunt who live in the same town as us. No visits, nothing, ever. No gifts, birthday presents, Christmas gifts, no Chocolate Easter bunny, nada.