Question on what to do about my friend
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From: Northern Louisiana
From what Jditta wrote (I could be wrong though), it seems that they had an argument and he left and was in an accident immediately after that. If that's the case she is feeling extreme guilt as well as mourrning him. That is not easy for anyone to take. 3 years is a long time, but I don't think anyone completely gets over the loss of a loved one. Especially if it was a tragic death. She needs to talk it out, cry it out, etc. whether it's with a friend or an expert. I think Jditta is just trying to be a friend for her. And I commend him for that.
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From: Louisiana
I went through the same exact problem with a girl I met a few year's ago. Her exboyfriend left her house one night and died in a wreck shortly after leaving. I tried helping her the best I could and finally just had to let her wound's heal without me around. No matter what I tried to do she would still bring him up in our conversation's.I know it's gotta be something hard to experience but after him being dead for 2.5 to 3 year's I never expected her to still be mourning his loss that bad. We would be out on a date somewhere and she would just start crying. It eventually ruined our relationship. It sound's like we're talking about the same girl.
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From: Northern Louisiana
I went through the same exact problem with a girl I met a few year's ago. Her exboyfriend left her house one night and died in a wreck shortly after leaving. I tried helping her the best I could and finally just had to let her wound's heal without me around. No matter what I tried to do she would still bring him up in our conversation's.I know it's gotta be something hard to experience but after him being dead for 2.5 to 3 year's I never expected her to still be mourning his loss that bad. We would be out on a date somewhere and she would just start crying. It eventually ruined our relationship. It sound's like we're talking about the same girl.
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From: Alberta, Canada
From a different perspective,
I lost my GF of 6 years in a car-vs-pedestrian wreck a little over two years ago. Moving on is easier said than done. No argument or fight between us before she was killed (thankfully). I have been single ever since and am still not sure if I am ready to date again. I went to a therapist last summer and I was told I was fine, just keep on doing what I am doing and doing. (which is pretty much keep myself busy with work and keep hanging out with people I like to spend time with)
As for the person that wrote about how the girl just wanted to talk about the dead person with him, I know how that is because you sure find out who your friends are after something like this happens. I would say about 1/2 of my social circle disappeared, other people that I thought of as acquaintances actually turned out to be really good friends. The big problem though is that few people ever want to talk about her. I like to remember some of the fun/good times that her and I and the person I am talking to went through and they just tend to shy away. There are very few people that will actually talk about her with me. I don't get upset or cry when I talk about her either (I could see how that would deter others and make them uncomfortable), like I said, I like to just reminisce about good and/or funny times that are relevant to the person I am talking too.
my 2 cents from somebody that knows kind of what she is going through.
I lost my GF of 6 years in a car-vs-pedestrian wreck a little over two years ago. Moving on is easier said than done. No argument or fight between us before she was killed (thankfully). I have been single ever since and am still not sure if I am ready to date again. I went to a therapist last summer and I was told I was fine, just keep on doing what I am doing and doing. (which is pretty much keep myself busy with work and keep hanging out with people I like to spend time with)
As for the person that wrote about how the girl just wanted to talk about the dead person with him, I know how that is because you sure find out who your friends are after something like this happens. I would say about 1/2 of my social circle disappeared, other people that I thought of as acquaintances actually turned out to be really good friends. The big problem though is that few people ever want to talk about her. I like to remember some of the fun/good times that her and I and the person I am talking to went through and they just tend to shy away. There are very few people that will actually talk about her with me. I don't get upset or cry when I talk about her either (I could see how that would deter others and make them uncomfortable), like I said, I like to just reminisce about good and/or funny times that are relevant to the person I am talking too.
my 2 cents from somebody that knows kind of what she is going through.
Last edited by cndcowboy; Feb 23, 2009 at 10:20 PM.
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From: Buffalo NY
From a different perspective,
I lost my GF of 6 years in a car-vs-pedestrian wreck a little over two years ago. Moving on is easier said than done. No argument or fight between us before she was killed (thankfully). I have been single ever since and am still not sure if I am ready to date again. I went to a therapist last summer and I was told I was fine, just keep on doing what I am doing and doing. (which is pretty much keep myself busy with work and keep hanging out with people I like to spend time with)
As for the person that wrote about how the girl just wanted to talk about the dead person with him, I know how that is because you sure find out who your friends are after something like this happens. I would say about 1/2 of my social circle disappeared, other people that I thought of as acquaintances actually turned out to be really good friends. The big problem though is that few people ever want to talk about her. I like to remember some of the fun/good times that her and I and person I am talking to went through and they just tend to shy away. There are very few people that will actually talk about her with me. I don't get upset or cry when I talk about her either (I could see how that would deter others and make them uncomfortable), like I said, I like to just reminisce about good and/or funny times that are relevant to the person I am talking too.
my 2 cents from somebody that knows kind of what she is going through.
I lost my GF of 6 years in a car-vs-pedestrian wreck a little over two years ago. Moving on is easier said than done. No argument or fight between us before she was killed (thankfully). I have been single ever since and am still not sure if I am ready to date again. I went to a therapist last summer and I was told I was fine, just keep on doing what I am doing and doing. (which is pretty much keep myself busy with work and keep hanging out with people I like to spend time with)
As for the person that wrote about how the girl just wanted to talk about the dead person with him, I know how that is because you sure find out who your friends are after something like this happens. I would say about 1/2 of my social circle disappeared, other people that I thought of as acquaintances actually turned out to be really good friends. The big problem though is that few people ever want to talk about her. I like to remember some of the fun/good times that her and I and person I am talking to went through and they just tend to shy away. There are very few people that will actually talk about her with me. I don't get upset or cry when I talk about her either (I could see how that would deter others and make them uncomfortable), like I said, I like to just reminisce about good and/or funny times that are relevant to the person I am talking too.
my 2 cents from somebody that knows kind of what she is going through.
Good post
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are you trying to date her or just want to help her? nothing is worse when you like a girl and all she does is talk about another guy. if your trying to date her, take her to do something exciting that she has never done before, that would be atleast what i would do. if you just want to see her happy and keep friends, just talk to her about it nicely and tell her you sympathize with her needs and you hurt when she hurts 
probly wouldn't listen to the last sentence or you might get a swift kick in the nuts if you aren't serious
probly wouldn't listen to the last sentence or you might get a swift kick in the nuts if you aren't serious
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From: Paradise, San Diego
I'm sure having someone to talk to in both cases is nice but I can also see why someone would not want to. In such a traumatic disaster such as death, most people don't know what to say and therefore say nothing.
As far as Jditta's post, I had a girlfriend who had her sister die from cancer. They were very close but you just gotta talk to her about it if it gets brought up. Just don't bring it up obviously. Not sure if I am helping or not but I'm giving it my best shot. Good luck.
D
As far as Jditta's post, I had a girlfriend who had her sister die from cancer. They were very close but you just gotta talk to her about it if it gets brought up. Just don't bring it up obviously. Not sure if I am helping or not but I'm giving it my best shot. Good luck.
D
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From: Los Angeles
Most churches have support groups for people who have lost loved ones. Your friend is probably going to be one of the youngest members of such a group.
It might help for her to maybe speak with women who have lost husbands. This is probably the best comparison to her experience. I will bet that women in similar situations will find a way to see her through this.
It would be a lot cheaper than a professional therapist and probably more helpful.
I have known several people who used these church support groups for both the loss of a spouse and the loss of a child. The participants seem to think it works.
Good luck.
It might help for her to maybe speak with women who have lost husbands. This is probably the best comparison to her experience. I will bet that women in similar situations will find a way to see her through this.
It would be a lot cheaper than a professional therapist and probably more helpful.
I have known several people who used these church support groups for both the loss of a spouse and the loss of a child. The participants seem to think it works.
Good luck.