sorry ladies
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Senior Member
Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 2,105
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From: CT.
sorry ladies
i had to post this because i've seen way too many man bashing cosmo's in the house lately!!so sorry to the ladies ..it's all in fun.......
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RULES THAT WOMEN SHOULD KNOW...(from men)
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse
to answer.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down.
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever... Long hair is always more attractive
than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married
is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're
stuck with her.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if
we can find the perfect present yet again!
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer
you don't want to hear.
6. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and
monster trucks.
8. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.
9. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it
that way.
10. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine. Really.
11. You have enough clothes.
12. You have too many shoes.
13. Crying is blackmail.
14. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
15. Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints
don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't
work. Just say it!
16. No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark
anniversaries on a calendar.
17. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss
sometimes.
18. Most guys own three pairs of shoes-what makes you think we'd be
any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good
with your dress?
19. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
question.
20. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
22. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
23. Check your oil.
24. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
25. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz
together.
26. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
27. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All
comments become null and void after 7 days.
28. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect
us to act like soap opera guys.
29. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
30. Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.
31. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
32. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it
done -not both.
33. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.
34. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
35. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to
complain about having their ***** stared at.
36. More women should wear Wonderbras and low-cut blouses. We like
staring at *****.
37. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two
months we were going out.
38. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings.
Peach is a fruit, not a color.
39. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
40. If it itches, it will be scratched.
41. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
42. If it's OUR house, I don't understand why MY stuff gets thrown in
the closet/attic/basement.
43. We're not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of
mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
44. If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth
the hassle.
45. If we hear from an old girlfriend, we will briefly fantasize about
having sex with her. But don't worry; the fantasy includes
you AND her, together.
46. What the hell is a doily
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
RULES THAT WOMEN SHOULD KNOW...(from men)
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse
to answer.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down.
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever... Long hair is always more attractive
than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married
is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're
stuck with her.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if
we can find the perfect present yet again!
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer
you don't want to hear.
6. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and
monster trucks.
8. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.
9. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it
that way.
10. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine. Really.
11. You have enough clothes.
12. You have too many shoes.
13. Crying is blackmail.
14. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
15. Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints
don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't
work. Just say it!
16. No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark
anniversaries on a calendar.
17. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss
sometimes.
18. Most guys own three pairs of shoes-what makes you think we'd be
any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good
with your dress?
19. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
question.
20. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
22. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
23. Check your oil.
24. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
25. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz
together.
26. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
27. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All
comments become null and void after 7 days.
28. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect
us to act like soap opera guys.
29. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
30. Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.
31. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
32. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it
done -not both.
33. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.
34. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
35. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to
complain about having their ***** stared at.
36. More women should wear Wonderbras and low-cut blouses. We like
staring at *****.
37. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two
months we were going out.
38. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings.
Peach is a fruit, not a color.
39. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
40. If it itches, it will be scratched.
41. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
42. If it's OUR house, I don't understand why MY stuff gets thrown in
the closet/attic/basement.
43. We're not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of
mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
44. If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth
the hassle.
45. If we hear from an old girlfriend, we will briefly fantasize about
having sex with her. But don't worry; the fantasy includes
you AND her, together.
46. What the hell is a doily
Senior Member
Joined: Jun 1999
Posts: 692
Likes: 0
From: Michigan Rocks and then some too!!!
Most of these were already posted in the Reletively Clean Truck Jokes thread. But just for fun here are MY replies:
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.
R: Face it, We both know you're telling your buddys that anyway, so tell us or shut up! and be prepared to LOSE YOUR GUT too, if you suggest that WE diet.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down.
R: Look buddy, we pay good money for that fuzzy seat cover to hide YOUR mess, so YOU put it down!
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever... Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married
is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
R: Gee if thats all it takes....give us some money for the beauty parlour on those days when we are too tired to deal with it.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
R: Guys, the perfect present is usually dead presidents! btw,Do not wrap a bow around your 'thing' unless there is money in there too.
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
R: What the heck are YOU talking about?
6. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
R: Geez, I hope not! We like a little space too ya know!
7. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.
R: We NEVER ask what a man is thinking, we usually know anyway, much to our disapointment.
8. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
R: Good, we like things that keep you guys occupied, no matter how insignificant.
9. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.
R: Funny how when we say we are going, YOU guys want to come with us and then complain you are tired. Next time just give us your wallet and stay home!
10. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
R: Oh Yeah? Well I guess I don't need those high heels and mini skirts then!
11. You have enough clothes.
R: Then don't look at other women wearing the latest low-cut blouse!
12. You have too many shoes.
R: Then don't look at other women wearing the latest 'calf enhancing' high heels either!
13. Crying is blackmail.
R: Then don't make us do it.
14. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
R: Of course he is, and YOU will be too one day.
15. Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't
work. Just say it!
R: WE ARE saying it, you just don't want to hear it if it doesn't involve WHAT YOU WANT!
16. No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
R: right you are, You guys can't be counted on to know where you placed your coveted remote control either.
17. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.
R: Don't tell us how unmanagable YOUR bodily ****ions are if you don't want to hear all OUR details!
18. Most guys own three pairs of shoes-what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good
with your dress?
R: We don't, sometimes, we (stupidly) want to make you feel you have a say in something.
19. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
R: Yes they are, so you can stop right there.
20. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
R: funny if we have a problem, we ask our girlfriends first, we only ask YOU for entertainment purposes, then we tell our girl freinds what you said and all have a nice laugh!
21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
R: No doc neccessary, We are just being polite, what we meant was "Lose the gut and take a shower"
22. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
R: You are right.
23. Check your oil.
R: why, when we can get YOU to do it? Even WE know that you guys have to feel superior at SOMETHING.
24. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
R: Who's faking it?
25. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
R: What quiz?
26. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
R: Your right again.
27. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
R: Thats a rule YOU made up cuz ALL your memory is short term.
28. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
R: Expect a bill then.
29. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
R: Good, that can count for US too.
30. Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.
R: Go ahead, you have to sleep sometime....
31. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
R: What? You mean you've been hiding it?
32. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done -not both.
R: Well don't use the 'I don't know how to do it' excuse, or the 'I'll do a crappy job so she won't ask me again' approach.
33. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
R: YOU too!
34. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
R: Yep, thats why he thought he was in India.
35. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their ***** stared at.
R: Hey Dope, it isn't the woman wearing the low-cut blouse that is complaining, it YOUR wife! You know the one who you thought had too many clothes already?
36. More women should wear Wonderbras and low-cut blouses. We like staring at *****.
R: We know. Thats why you check our oil for us!
37. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.
R: We know, but could you please FART somewhere else?
38. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings. Peach is a fruit, not a color.
R: Yep, so don't try to wear a peach shirt and tell us it's not PINK! On a man, it IS pink, and real men don't wear PINK.
39. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
R: Real men don't wear orange either.
40. If it itches, it will be scratched.
R: Good, so you won't mind if I scratch that place you went last night without shaving, in front of your mother. (right?)
41. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
R: GOD I hope not! btw stop wanting to put YOUR crap in OUR purse, there is only enough room for OUR stuff!
42. If it's OUR house, I don't understand why MY stuff gets thrown in the closet/attic/basement.
R: because, dear there simply isn't room for YOUR stuff. If you don't like it, build more closets.
43. We're not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
R: Back to short term memory, WE TOLD YOU WHAT WE WANTED, you just chose not to take heed.
44. If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.
R: So stop asking then, if we're not telling you, we're being polite!
45. If we hear from an old girlfriend, we will briefly fantasize about having sex with her. But don't worry; the fantasy includes
you AND her, together.
R: Fanasy is RIGHT, as if you could ever satisfy TWO women!
46. What the hell is a doily
R: It's that thing YOUR mom made that YOU insisted WE place somewhere prominent. Remember?
[This message has been edited by Andthensometoo (edited 04-03-2000).]
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.
R: Face it, We both know you're telling your buddys that anyway, so tell us or shut up! and be prepared to LOSE YOUR GUT too, if you suggest that WE diet.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down.
R: Look buddy, we pay good money for that fuzzy seat cover to hide YOUR mess, so YOU put it down!
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever... Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married
is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
R: Gee if thats all it takes....give us some money for the beauty parlour on those days when we are too tired to deal with it.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
R: Guys, the perfect present is usually dead presidents! btw,Do not wrap a bow around your 'thing' unless there is money in there too.
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
R: What the heck are YOU talking about?
6. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
R: Geez, I hope not! We like a little space too ya know!
7. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.
R: We NEVER ask what a man is thinking, we usually know anyway, much to our disapointment.
8. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
R: Good, we like things that keep you guys occupied, no matter how insignificant.
9. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.
R: Funny how when we say we are going, YOU guys want to come with us and then complain you are tired. Next time just give us your wallet and stay home!
10. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
R: Oh Yeah? Well I guess I don't need those high heels and mini skirts then!
11. You have enough clothes.
R: Then don't look at other women wearing the latest low-cut blouse!
12. You have too many shoes.
R: Then don't look at other women wearing the latest 'calf enhancing' high heels either!
13. Crying is blackmail.
R: Then don't make us do it.
14. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
R: Of course he is, and YOU will be too one day.
15. Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't
work. Just say it!
R: WE ARE saying it, you just don't want to hear it if it doesn't involve WHAT YOU WANT!
16. No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
R: right you are, You guys can't be counted on to know where you placed your coveted remote control either.
17. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.
R: Don't tell us how unmanagable YOUR bodily ****ions are if you don't want to hear all OUR details!
18. Most guys own three pairs of shoes-what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good
with your dress?
R: We don't, sometimes, we (stupidly) want to make you feel you have a say in something.
19. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
R: Yes they are, so you can stop right there.
20. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
R: funny if we have a problem, we ask our girlfriends first, we only ask YOU for entertainment purposes, then we tell our girl freinds what you said and all have a nice laugh!
21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
R: No doc neccessary, We are just being polite, what we meant was "Lose the gut and take a shower"
22. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
R: You are right.
23. Check your oil.
R: why, when we can get YOU to do it? Even WE know that you guys have to feel superior at SOMETHING.
24. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
R: Who's faking it?
25. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
R: What quiz?
26. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
R: Your right again.
27. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
R: Thats a rule YOU made up cuz ALL your memory is short term.
28. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
R: Expect a bill then.
29. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
R: Good, that can count for US too.
30. Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.
R: Go ahead, you have to sleep sometime....
31. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
R: What? You mean you've been hiding it?
32. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done -not both.
R: Well don't use the 'I don't know how to do it' excuse, or the 'I'll do a crappy job so she won't ask me again' approach.
33. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
R: YOU too!
34. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
R: Yep, thats why he thought he was in India.
35. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their ***** stared at.
R: Hey Dope, it isn't the woman wearing the low-cut blouse that is complaining, it YOUR wife! You know the one who you thought had too many clothes already?
36. More women should wear Wonderbras and low-cut blouses. We like staring at *****.
R: We know. Thats why you check our oil for us!
37. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.
R: We know, but could you please FART somewhere else?
38. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings. Peach is a fruit, not a color.
R: Yep, so don't try to wear a peach shirt and tell us it's not PINK! On a man, it IS pink, and real men don't wear PINK.
39. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
R: Real men don't wear orange either.
40. If it itches, it will be scratched.
R: Good, so you won't mind if I scratch that place you went last night without shaving, in front of your mother. (right?)
41. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
R: GOD I hope not! btw stop wanting to put YOUR crap in OUR purse, there is only enough room for OUR stuff!
42. If it's OUR house, I don't understand why MY stuff gets thrown in the closet/attic/basement.
R: because, dear there simply isn't room for YOUR stuff. If you don't like it, build more closets.
43. We're not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
R: Back to short term memory, WE TOLD YOU WHAT WE WANTED, you just chose not to take heed.
44. If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.
R: So stop asking then, if we're not telling you, we're being polite!
45. If we hear from an old girlfriend, we will briefly fantasize about having sex with her. But don't worry; the fantasy includes
you AND her, together.
R: Fanasy is RIGHT, as if you could ever satisfy TWO women!
46. What the hell is a doily
R: It's that thing YOUR mom made that YOU insisted WE place somewhere prominent. Remember?
[This message has been edited by Andthensometoo (edited 04-03-2000).]
Senior Member
Joined: Sep 1998
Posts: 213
Likes: 0
From: Las Vegas, Nevada (originally from Kearny, New Jersey)
LOL, ATST, LOL.
Now don't take me wrong, I agree with Roush but you did have some good comebacks!
------------------
99 F250XLT Supercab LD
5.4L 3.73 LS
White/Silver
Graphite interior
6 CD changer/Captain's Chairs
Now don't take me wrong, I agree with Roush but you did have some good comebacks!
------------------
99 F250XLT Supercab LD
5.4L 3.73 LS
White/Silver
Graphite interior
6 CD changer/Captain's Chairs
Senior Member
Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 1,506
Likes: 0
From: Bakersfield, CA, USA
Trending Topics
Senior Member
Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 460
Likes: 0
From: Central California
Whew!!! I made it all the way through those posts. Roush and ATST make a great couple.
------------------
'99 F150 SC, 4x2, Oxford white, flareside, 5.4, 3.55 rearend,
bodyside mouldings, Snugtop hard tonneau, K&N dropin and airbox mod.
Duraliner drop-in (gave up on the Penda Nascar). Gibson Supertruck. Ford 2-piece bra. Catch-All floor mats.
No door cracks yet at 6K!!!
Future mods: 2/4 lowering, and some Roush stuff.
------------------
'99 F150 SC, 4x2, Oxford white, flareside, 5.4, 3.55 rearend,
bodyside mouldings, Snugtop hard tonneau, K&N dropin and airbox mod.
Duraliner drop-in (gave up on the Penda Nascar). Gibson Supertruck. Ford 2-piece bra. Catch-All floor mats.
No door cracks yet at 6K!!!
Future mods: 2/4 lowering, and some Roush stuff.
Member
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 59
Likes: 0
From: Austin, Texas
ATST,
One more round?
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.
R: Face it, We both know you're telling your buddys that anyway, so tell us or shut up! and be prepared to LOSE YOUR GUT too, if you suggest that WE diet.
1. Our guts and our talk among friends (lets not even start on what ya'll talk about) are not the issue. We are simply sick of lying.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down.
R: Look buddy, we pay good money for that fuzzy seat cover to hide YOUR mess, so YOU put it down!
2. The fuzzy cover in no way affects your ability to still operate the seat.
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever... Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married
is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
R: Gee if thats all it takes....give us some money for the beauty parlour on those days when we are too tired to deal with it.
3. We do not expect it to always look good.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
R: Guys, the perfect present is usually dead presidents! btw,Do not wrap a bow around your 'thing' unless there is money in there too.
4. If money is all you want we'll give you a lump sum and call it even.
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
R: What the heck are YOU talking about?
5. Exactly.
6. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
R: Geez, I hope not! We like a little space too ya know!
6. Then please let some of that space exist when we are trying to sleep.
7. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.
R: We NEVER ask what a man is thinking, we usually know anyway, much to our disapointment.
7. You DO ask and WHEN you know, and we TELL you, it just makes you get MAD at us.
8. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
R: Good, we like things that keep you guys occupied, no matter how insignificant.
8. Then don't ask us to go with you when you go shopping.
9. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.
R: Funny how when we say we are going, YOU guys want to come with us and then complain you are tired. Next time just give us your wallet and stay home!
9. What makes you think we want to go? Just take your own money.
10. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
R: Oh Yeah? Well I guess I don't need those high heels and mini skirts then!
10. And I guess I don't need pants. We can always be grosser than you... don't push it.
11. You have enough clothes.
R: Then don't look at other women wearing the latest low-cut blouse!
11. That has nothing to do with clothes. Besides we'd rather ya'll be naked.
12. You have too many shoes.
R: Then don't look at other women wearing the latest 'calf enhancing' high heels either!
12. See #11.
13. Crying is blackmail.
R: Then don't make us do it.
13. Then tell us what causes it.
14. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
R: Of course he is, and YOU will be too one day.
14. Well... you're already a bitch.
15. Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't
work. Just say it!
R: WE ARE saying it, you just don't want to hear it if it doesn't involve WHAT YOU WANT!
15. Then accept it and move on.
16. No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
R: right you are, You guys can't be counted on to know where you placed your coveted remote control either.
16. But without us the vcr would still be blinking 12:00. Ironic huh?
17. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.
R: Don't tell us how unmanagable YOUR bodily ****ions are if you don't want to hear all OUR details!
17. Let's just call it don't ask, don't tell.
18. Most guys own three pairs of shoes-what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good
with your dress?
R: We don't, sometimes, we (stupidly) want to make you feel you have a say in something.
18. Then ask us about something we might actually care about.
19. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
R: Yes they are, so you can stop right there.
19. No.
20. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
R: funny if we have a problem, we ask our girlfriends first, we only ask YOU for entertainment purposes, then we tell our girl freinds what you said and all have a nice laugh!
20. We'll remember that next time something breaks.
21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
R: No doc neccessary, We are just being polite, what we meant was "Lose the gut and take a shower."
21. See #15.
22. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
R: You are right.
22. And for the first time, so are you.
23. Check your oil.
R: why, when we can get YOU to do it? Even WE know that you guys have to feel superior at SOMETHING.
23. We KNOW we are superior. Keep your games and roll up your sleeves.
24. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
R: Who's faking it?
24. Then we're better than we thought we were.
25. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
R: What quiz?
25. Hey... you brought it up.
26. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
R: Your right again.
26. So are you... about me being right anyway.
27. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
R: Thats a rule YOU made up cuz ALL your memory is short term.
27. That's because we WANT to stay together.
28. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
R: Expect a bill then.
28. Enjoy the couch.
29. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
R: Good, that can count for US too.
29. We can hardly ever interpret even ONE meaning but ok...
30. Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.
R: Go ahead, you have to sleep sometime....
30. Not around you.
31. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
R: What? You mean you've been hiding it?
31. You've been looking?
32. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done -not both.
R: Well don't use the 'I don't know how to do it' excuse, or the 'I'll do a crappy job so she won't ask me again' approach.
32. No man would admit he didn't know how to do something, especially if we knew how and all crappy jobs are entirely unintentional.
33. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
R: YOU too!
33. Soap opera's are, to us, one big commercial.
34. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
R: Yep, thats why he thought he was in India.
34. We may not end up where you want but it is where we are supposed to be. Don't ask us how we know... we just do.
35. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their ***** stared at.
R: Hey Dope, it isn't the woman wearing the low-cut blouse that is complaining, it YOUR wife! You know the one who you thought had too many clothes already?
35. We have no problems with anything that enhances cleavage and will gladly buy it for you.
36. More women should wear Wonderbras and low-cut blouses. We like staring at *****.
R: We know. Thats why you check our oil for us!
36. If you show us your *****, we will check your oil.
37. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.
R: We know, but could you please FART somewhere else?
37. It was your mother who farted and you know it.
38. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings. Peach is a fruit, not a color.
R: Yep, so don't try to wear a peach shirt and tell us it's not PINK! On a man, it IS pink, and real men don't wear PINK.
38. They don't dance either.
39. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
R: Real men don't wear orange either.
39. I know about 30,000 at UT Austin that might disagree. A few of whom can lift very heavy things and are very hairy and brutish.
40. If it itches, it will be scratched.
R: Good, so you won't mind if I scratch that place you went last night without shaving, in front of your mother. (right?)
40. Everyone is to attend ONLY to their own itches.
41. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
R: GOD I hope not! btw stop wanting to put YOUR crap in OUR purse, there is only enough room for OUR stuff!
41. We feel the same way about the garage.
42. If it's OUR house, I don't understand why MY stuff gets thrown in the closet/attic/basement.
R: because, dear there simply isn't room for YOUR stuff. If you don't like it, build more closets.
42. It's easier to throw it in a storage shed.
43. We're not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
R: Back to short term memory, WE TOLD YOU WHAT WE WANTED, you just chose not to take heed.
43. Continue to deal with it.
44. If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.
R: So stop asking then, if we're not telling you, we're being polite!
44. Stop telling us we don't care.
45. If we hear from an old girlfriend, we will briefly fantasize about having sex with her. But don't worry; the fantasy includes
you AND her, together.
R: Fanasy is RIGHT, as if you could ever satisfy TWO women!
45. It would be real easy... if one of them wasn't you. We're doing you a favor by including you.
46. What the hell is a doily
R: It's that thing YOUR mom made that YOU insisted WE place somewhere prominent. Remember?
46. No.
[This message has been edited by Foster (edited 04-04-2000).]
One more round?
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.
R: Face it, We both know you're telling your buddys that anyway, so tell us or shut up! and be prepared to LOSE YOUR GUT too, if you suggest that WE diet.
1. Our guts and our talk among friends (lets not even start on what ya'll talk about) are not the issue. We are simply sick of lying.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down.
R: Look buddy, we pay good money for that fuzzy seat cover to hide YOUR mess, so YOU put it down!
2. The fuzzy cover in no way affects your ability to still operate the seat.
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever... Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married
is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
R: Gee if thats all it takes....give us some money for the beauty parlour on those days when we are too tired to deal with it.
3. We do not expect it to always look good.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
R: Guys, the perfect present is usually dead presidents! btw,Do not wrap a bow around your 'thing' unless there is money in there too.
4. If money is all you want we'll give you a lump sum and call it even.
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
R: What the heck are YOU talking about?
5. Exactly.
6. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
R: Geez, I hope not! We like a little space too ya know!
6. Then please let some of that space exist when we are trying to sleep.
7. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.
R: We NEVER ask what a man is thinking, we usually know anyway, much to our disapointment.
7. You DO ask and WHEN you know, and we TELL you, it just makes you get MAD at us.
8. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
R: Good, we like things that keep you guys occupied, no matter how insignificant.
8. Then don't ask us to go with you when you go shopping.
9. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.
R: Funny how when we say we are going, YOU guys want to come with us and then complain you are tired. Next time just give us your wallet and stay home!
9. What makes you think we want to go? Just take your own money.
10. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
R: Oh Yeah? Well I guess I don't need those high heels and mini skirts then!
10. And I guess I don't need pants. We can always be grosser than you... don't push it.
11. You have enough clothes.
R: Then don't look at other women wearing the latest low-cut blouse!
11. That has nothing to do with clothes. Besides we'd rather ya'll be naked.
12. You have too many shoes.
R: Then don't look at other women wearing the latest 'calf enhancing' high heels either!
12. See #11.
13. Crying is blackmail.
R: Then don't make us do it.
13. Then tell us what causes it.
14. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
R: Of course he is, and YOU will be too one day.
14. Well... you're already a bitch.
15. Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't
work. Just say it!
R: WE ARE saying it, you just don't want to hear it if it doesn't involve WHAT YOU WANT!
15. Then accept it and move on.
16. No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
R: right you are, You guys can't be counted on to know where you placed your coveted remote control either.
16. But without us the vcr would still be blinking 12:00. Ironic huh?
17. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.
R: Don't tell us how unmanagable YOUR bodily ****ions are if you don't want to hear all OUR details!
17. Let's just call it don't ask, don't tell.
18. Most guys own three pairs of shoes-what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good
with your dress?
R: We don't, sometimes, we (stupidly) want to make you feel you have a say in something.
18. Then ask us about something we might actually care about.
19. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
R: Yes they are, so you can stop right there.
19. No.
20. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
R: funny if we have a problem, we ask our girlfriends first, we only ask YOU for entertainment purposes, then we tell our girl freinds what you said and all have a nice laugh!
20. We'll remember that next time something breaks.
21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
R: No doc neccessary, We are just being polite, what we meant was "Lose the gut and take a shower."
21. See #15.
22. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
R: You are right.
22. And for the first time, so are you.
23. Check your oil.
R: why, when we can get YOU to do it? Even WE know that you guys have to feel superior at SOMETHING.
23. We KNOW we are superior. Keep your games and roll up your sleeves.
24. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
R: Who's faking it?
24. Then we're better than we thought we were.
25. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
R: What quiz?
25. Hey... you brought it up.
26. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
R: Your right again.
26. So are you... about me being right anyway.
27. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
R: Thats a rule YOU made up cuz ALL your memory is short term.
27. That's because we WANT to stay together.
28. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
R: Expect a bill then.
28. Enjoy the couch.
29. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
R: Good, that can count for US too.
29. We can hardly ever interpret even ONE meaning but ok...
30. Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.
R: Go ahead, you have to sleep sometime....
30. Not around you.
31. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
R: What? You mean you've been hiding it?
31. You've been looking?
32. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done -not both.
R: Well don't use the 'I don't know how to do it' excuse, or the 'I'll do a crappy job so she won't ask me again' approach.
32. No man would admit he didn't know how to do something, especially if we knew how and all crappy jobs are entirely unintentional.
33. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
R: YOU too!
33. Soap opera's are, to us, one big commercial.
34. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
R: Yep, thats why he thought he was in India.
34. We may not end up where you want but it is where we are supposed to be. Don't ask us how we know... we just do.
35. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their ***** stared at.
R: Hey Dope, it isn't the woman wearing the low-cut blouse that is complaining, it YOUR wife! You know the one who you thought had too many clothes already?
35. We have no problems with anything that enhances cleavage and will gladly buy it for you.
36. More women should wear Wonderbras and low-cut blouses. We like staring at *****.
R: We know. Thats why you check our oil for us!
36. If you show us your *****, we will check your oil.
37. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.
R: We know, but could you please FART somewhere else?
37. It was your mother who farted and you know it.
38. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings. Peach is a fruit, not a color.
R: Yep, so don't try to wear a peach shirt and tell us it's not PINK! On a man, it IS pink, and real men don't wear PINK.
38. They don't dance either.
39. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
R: Real men don't wear orange either.
39. I know about 30,000 at UT Austin that might disagree. A few of whom can lift very heavy things and are very hairy and brutish.
40. If it itches, it will be scratched.
R: Good, so you won't mind if I scratch that place you went last night without shaving, in front of your mother. (right?)
40. Everyone is to attend ONLY to their own itches.
41. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
R: GOD I hope not! btw stop wanting to put YOUR crap in OUR purse, there is only enough room for OUR stuff!
41. We feel the same way about the garage.
42. If it's OUR house, I don't understand why MY stuff gets thrown in the closet/attic/basement.
R: because, dear there simply isn't room for YOUR stuff. If you don't like it, build more closets.
42. It's easier to throw it in a storage shed.
43. We're not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
R: Back to short term memory, WE TOLD YOU WHAT WE WANTED, you just chose not to take heed.
43. Continue to deal with it.
44. If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.
R: So stop asking then, if we're not telling you, we're being polite!
44. Stop telling us we don't care.
45. If we hear from an old girlfriend, we will briefly fantasize about having sex with her. But don't worry; the fantasy includes
you AND her, together.
R: Fanasy is RIGHT, as if you could ever satisfy TWO women!
45. It would be real easy... if one of them wasn't you. We're doing you a favor by including you.
46. What the hell is a doily
R: It's that thing YOUR mom made that YOU insisted WE place somewhere prominent. Remember?
46. No.
[This message has been edited by Foster (edited 04-04-2000).]
Senior Member
Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 389
Likes: 0
From: Milford, OH
Roush, someone e=mailed me that awhile back. Loved it then love it now. ATST you had some great comebacks. This topic should become an instant classic, especially ATST's reply, LMAO.
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97 F-150 S/C 4x4 ORP XLT 4.6 K&N , Flowmaster w/dual tailpipes, Bosch+4 plugs,Ford 9mm wires,Superchip.Patriot fiberglass toneau cover, Westin chrome step bars. Rear seat lift 4".
Kenwood 4011 stereo, Rockford 150a1 amp, Profile electronic crossover, 2 10" IDQ DVC's, and USAcoustics 2150 amp(on the way).
FUTURE STEREO MODS:
Memphis components in front, Pioneer 3ways in rear, amp for the components, and a cd changer.
FUTURE PERFORMANCE MODS:
4.10 gears, Edlebrock shocks, supercharger, Airaid, power pulleys.
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97 F-150 S/C 4x4 ORP XLT 4.6 K&N , Flowmaster w/dual tailpipes, Bosch+4 plugs,Ford 9mm wires,Superchip.Patriot fiberglass toneau cover, Westin chrome step bars. Rear seat lift 4".
Kenwood 4011 stereo, Rockford 150a1 amp, Profile electronic crossover, 2 10" IDQ DVC's, and USAcoustics 2150 amp(on the way).
FUTURE STEREO MODS:
Memphis components in front, Pioneer 3ways in rear, amp for the components, and a cd changer.
FUTURE PERFORMANCE MODS:
4.10 gears, Edlebrock shocks, supercharger, Airaid, power pulleys.
Member
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 98
Likes: 0
From: Cleveland, OH USA
ATST and Foster, loved the responses. Only problem is with #28. If my fiance showed up decked out from head to toe in unmentionables bought from victoria's secret and gave me the bill, I would be MORE than happy to pay for it... some things in life are worth the money, and besides, lingerie is NOT clothing, it is an entirely different category...
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 1999
Posts: 348
Likes: 0
From: Near Ottawa, Canada
Lingerie = sporting goods.
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Black 2000 SC short-box XLT. 4.2V-6, 5-speed, 3.55 limited-slip. CD, remote entry, factory side steps, FORD box liner.
My third F-series: '73 F-100, '98 F-150 and '00 F-150. GREAT trucks!
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Black 2000 SC short-box XLT. 4.2V-6, 5-speed, 3.55 limited-slip. CD, remote entry, factory side steps, FORD box liner.
My third F-series: '73 F-100, '98 F-150 and '00 F-150. GREAT trucks!
Senior Member
Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 100
Likes: 0
From: Dallas, Texas, USA
Foster: Up on the fridge? This should go up on the Diamondvision at every major sporting event!!!
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1999 F-150 4x4 SuperCab, Deep Wedgewood Blue, ORP, 4-Wheel ABS, Power Everything, Captains Chairs, 3.73 Axle, Flowmaster 50 series, K&N, Tint, Expedition Center Console, Super-White headlights, Westin Nerf Bars, Toff Spray-On Bedliner, Pioneer DEH-P3000 and TS-A6815 speakers, ADS PQ/8 amp.
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1999 F-150 4x4 SuperCab, Deep Wedgewood Blue, ORP, 4-Wheel ABS, Power Everything, Captains Chairs, 3.73 Axle, Flowmaster 50 series, K&N, Tint, Expedition Center Console, Super-White headlights, Westin Nerf Bars, Toff Spray-On Bedliner, Pioneer DEH-P3000 and TS-A6815 speakers, ADS PQ/8 amp.
Member
Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 80
Likes: 0
From: Hotlanta, GA
Gentlemen: Start your engines! Great ones you guys!
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2000 F150 XLT S/C, V6, 5 Speed (Is there any other way?!) Power everything, CD, Capt chrs, 3.55 axle, etc...
[This message has been edited by Claudia (edited 04-04-2000).]
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2000 F150 XLT S/C, V6, 5 Speed (Is there any other way?!) Power everything, CD, Capt chrs, 3.55 axle, etc...
[This message has been edited by Claudia (edited 04-04-2000).]