Since we have inquiries in this topic about "Online Romance" here, please keep these rules in mind:

TEN SIMPLE RULES FOR DATING MY DAUGHTER

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable young guys to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that, in today's world, sex without utilizing a " Barrier Method " of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: When it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. But with me please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safety back at my house. And the only word I need from you on this subject is " Early ".

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup and fixing her hair, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car or washing my truck.

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:
l. Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool.
2. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight.
3. Places where there is darkness.
4. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness.
5. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat.
6. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay, hockey games are okay, Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a middle-aged has-been but on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have many guns, a shovel, and access to many acres of woodland. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Da Nang. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early. You may then return to your vehicle - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face you see in the window is mine.

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Dunbarton "The Middle Aged Kid" '99 XLT SC SB 4x2 4.6 auto 3.55 ls The occasional Z-71 Eater! Wedgewood & Denim, SuperChipped, Airaid FIPK, Rhino Liner, Extang Classic tonneau cover, Mobil 1. Man, I got it all! (New Jersey)

 

LOL,

I like number, but I like "If you honk the horn, Ill blow your windows out!

 

Sorry Dun, I knew I wouldn't have a problem with any of the rules so I ran downstairs and asked my wife if I could date your daughter.


She said no.

 

Wow how old is she, I am a policeman and I can bring her home early, and if I bring her to my home can I consider it a old folkes home....I promise not to blow my horn...lol
Dave

good post dun

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1998 F-150, SC/Flairside,oxford white 4x2,4.6,auto,3.55s,nerf bars,cls 111 towing,bed liner w/mat,atlas polished wheels w/285/75 R/16 BFG A/Ts (black side out),all plastics guards/bug shields,air raid/k & n filter, superchipped, duals out the back corners, flow master 3 chamber, snug top lid, f-150 online sticker back window-honk if you see me!!! Fabtech 3 1/2 lift .coverking dash cover.
San Antonio
DWESSELS89@AOL.COM

 

Great set of rules, glad I'm hitched with no chance of even meeting your daughter ! BTW do you have any rules on copying your post ?

 

DAVENSA,

These rules apply especially to policemen ........

Dave XP,

Be my guest.

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Dunbarton "The Middle Aged Kid" '99 XLT SC SB 4x2 4.6 auto 3.55 ls The occasional Z-71 Eater! Wedgewood & Denim, SuperChipped, Airaid FIPK, Rhino Liner, Extang Classic tonneau cover, Mobil 1. Man, I got it all! (New Jersey)

 

That's ok with me dun, most of the tranquilizers I use wear off in an hour or so. Should be no problem getting her home early.

hee hee hee

 

Dun...way to go> My oldest just got married on the 27th of Dec. She dated her H%$%#$#@ for three years, each and everyday of those three years, I laid the law very similar to yours...and kept the kid shaking in his pants the whole time. After the wedding, I pulled the young man aside and explained in specific detail what I would do to him if my "baby" ever calls me crying, complaining or otherwise not sounding happy. He's still shaking!!! My wife's brother was standing within ear shot and explained to him that while I am on the plane heading north to track him down, he would be heading north by car via the coast route...no escape other than Canada or the far north...kind of like dodging the draft, but this "uncle sam" ALWAYS gets his man. I think he understands the abreviated version of DUn's 10 rules.
Keep up the good work there Bud...us dad's have to stick together and protect our "babies"

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1999 F-150 XLT, Ext.Cab, 5.4L, 3:55 limited slip, 4x2, Bright Torch Red(all color matched-bumpers, mirrors) "Sport" pkg., Tonneau,285/50/17, 3" custom catback, Superchips, Airaid, Lowered 4" rear & 3" front, Herculiner bed lining(self install) AWESOME! Newest E/T at the drags 6/26/99: 14.9sec at 90.4 mph. Billet Badges, Billet Antenna, Removal of "Sport" sticker and door guards. Just added (12/16/99) Billit oval rear view mirror, billit master cylinder cover, and billet third brake light cover.For photos e-mail me at: whtstuff@aol.com OR my web page at Http://members.aol.com/whtstuff/myweb.html

 

We don't have any kids yet... But when we do, I sure hope it's a "BOY", so I don't have to worry about those things !

But then again... I was a "Boy" & I'd have to worry about him doing things that I did !

Oh man.. either way, I'm in trouble !



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Sean in Texas
https://www.f150online.com/features/index.html
http://communities.msn.com/SS97FordsPics
http://www.geocities.com/MotorCity/Show/7936

97 White/Tan Lariat - Leather, Power Everything, Tan Leather Floor Console, 2 Chamber Flowmaster Cat Back Duals w/Chrome Exits, AirAid Intake, "SuperChip" brand Chip, All Synth. Fluids, Custom Painted TB Cover, Blue Wire Loomed Engine, Hellwig Rear Sway Bar, 17x9.5 Centerline Scorpions, w/275/60/17 Dunlop Sport Rover GTX Tires, Cool Collar, Polished Billet Grille & Bumper Insert, Chrome Diff. Cover, Pendaliner SR, Clear Corner Lenses, Superwhites Headlights, Stainless Steel Nerf Bars, Kenwood Excelon Speakers, Polk Audio db Series 10" Sub, Kenwood 818 Sub. Amp, LMI Rear Seat Kit, Color Matched "Tan" (Eddie Bauer/Expedition) rear bumper, Ford Hitch Cover/Lock, Door Sill Protectors, "ARE - Hard Tonneau Cover", ...I know there is more but can't think of it now... OH yeah.. & a Fully Loaded "Viper" Alarm to guard it ALL !
Next to "Be Added",.."Power Aid" & more I'm sure !
"With a Nice 2 Tone Paint Job" !!!!!

 

THis must be an international dad thing, becuase I HATE meeting my girlfriends dad, or at least the latest several!

 

The saying goes: "When you have a boy you only have one peter to worry about. When you have a girl you have thousands of peters to worry about".

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97 F-150 SC Lariat, Styleside, White over Gold, 4.6L (Windsor), Automatic, 3.55 rear end, electronic 4X4, w/ every option of Lariat and ORP packages except the 17" wheels (I even got the OR decals now!), MOD's so far: K&N air box mod, Gibson Super Truck, clear Bugflector II, Leer TSC 600 hard cover, Bridgestone Dueler OWL ATP 265/75 R-16's, TrailMaster Invader N7 shocks, Smittybilt step bars, Ford moulded mud guards, "White-white" head lamps, Cloud Rider Design's SS Grill and bumper opening "Summer Grill's", Bosch platinum + 4's.

 

I didn't know Richie Cunningham was still dating.

I'll bet your daughter ends up dating The Fonz!

My daughter's first date looked like Elvis (I hated him from the start).

She ended up marrying the 'boy next door' (to our surprize and approval) with whom she'd shared many life experiences over her dating years. I never let on that I liked him until the wedding (kept her off-guard).

From your rules, you've apparently got a pre-teen daughter. The rules will relax as she wears you down.

'Good ideas though.

Good luck, dad! It gets worse before it gets better.

 

Dun: loved the rules and I'm going to copy them down to use with my daugher Something I just remembered that my mom used to do about my dates... my first date always had to be during the daytime and when he got over to my house, mom would put him to work fixing something around the house. I remember one guy washing all the windows and another that she liked was allowed into my bedroom to paint it!!! Most of my boyfriends didn't make it past the first date.

 

I've never been on a date. Anytime I went "out" with a guy he was either my best friend or my boyfriend.
And all through high school I was the only one among my friends and boyfriends that had a car! I always had to drive.
The last boyfriend didn't get his license till he was 17 or 18 and he had a car but quickly blew the 4-banger out of it. He never took me anywhere in it. The he got this POS Buick and instead of paying for the insurance and making it run better he bought a Playstation and some games!

 

Well isn't it a good thing I haven't met your daughter Dun... If this were 5 years ago, I could most likely assure you that I would have broken every one of your rules, without worry. Now being a single, mature (haha) male, I would only break about 8 of your rules.

About the only thing that could possibly make you happy is that when I'm driving the cummuter mobile to work and back everyday, your daughter would have to take my (hers?) F150 for it's daily drive.

cd


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Silver 99 F150 XLT 4.6l 4x2 Sport Extended Cab with Flare Sides...
Mods: K&N Air Filter, Tinted Side Windows, Flowmaster 40 Series Catback System, Reese Class 3, Airbox Mod's, Fiberglass Tonneau Cover, B&M Tranny Cooler, Tranny Temp Gauge, Water Temp Gauge, Autometer A-Arm 2 Gauge Pod Kit, Auburn Limited Slip Differential, Ford Bug Deflector, Alpine Deck, 6 Disk Changer & Subwoofer Processor, Zapco AG750 Amp (times 2), Zapco AG360 Amp, JL 10W3 (times 4), JL Audio VR Series 5.25" Component Speakers (times 4), JL Audio VR Series Tweets (times 2), & 1 Farad Cap (times 2)
Coming soon: Spray-On Bed Liner, B&M Electronic Shift Improver, Headers(?)
Coming this Spring: Kenne Bell Supercharger, BellTech 2"/4" Drop Kit, New Wheels & Rubber