I figured this was kind of funny since I've been putting off getting one of these done for several years now. Well my appointment is getting near. I recently lost an uncle who had he went to get one of these done 5 years earlier, the outcome would have been different:

Dave Barry's Colonoscopy

This is from news hound Dave Barry's colonoscopy journal:
I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an
appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a
color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the
place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis . Then Andy explained
the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient
manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said,
because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000
FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'
I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a
prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough
to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now
suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of
America's enemies.
I spent the next several days productively sitting around being
nervous.
Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation.
In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that
day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less
flavor.
Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of
powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm
water. & mix it (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32
gallons.)
Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour,
because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat
spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.
The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a
great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery
bowel movement may result.'
This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof,
you may experience contact with the ground.
MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic,
here, but:
have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the
MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the
commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined
to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And
then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter
of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel
into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.
After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next
morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I
worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return
bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?'
How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be
enough.
At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood
and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me
to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little
curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those
hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it
on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.
Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left
hand.
Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was
already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their
MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this
is, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to
make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode.
You would have no choice but to burn your house.
When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room,
where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the
17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was
seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on my left side,
and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in
my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the
song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the
songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing
Queen' had to be the least appropriate.

 

cont'd



You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me.
'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more
than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to
tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like
I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was
yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next
moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was
looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent.& nbsp; I felt even
more excellent when Andy told me that it was all over, and that my colon
had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal
organ.
ABOUT THE WRITER
Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami
Herald.
On the subject of Colonoscopies...
Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were
quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual
comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their
colonoscopies:
1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has
gone before!
2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'
3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'
4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'
5. 'You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.'
6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'
7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'
8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'
9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit
10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'`
11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'
12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'
And the best one of all.
13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not
up there?'

 

Dave Barry is spot on.
Prep = bad
Procedure = nothing

Had mine at 50, was told to come back in 10 years for another.

 

I'm 42, but my doctor suggested I have one done at 40, which obviously I've yet to do. The loss of my uncle gave me a real kick in the teeth.
Reason being for my early testing at 40 is because my father had a malignant polyp when he was checked. They took it out and now he has to get one of these done every year, I believe.
At least they caught it before it got worse, and he's being checked regularly now.

 

Supposedly there's a new "nuclear laxative" that is much easier to drink than MoviPrep, but I forget what it's called. I didn't find out about it until after I had my colonoscopy.

I totally agree with Dave and Raoul, the procedure is nothing. I was shot up with Demerol and the last thing I remember is the room starting to spin, then I woke up and was some how dressed in my street clothes, in a wheelchair, heading out the door to be driven home.

All in all, not too bad.

- NCSU

 

Man I'm eating my brakfast. I open this thread.
I'm going to have to finish reading it after while. I've got to get the food out of my nose
lmao

I'll finish in awhile.

 

Don't put it off.
I know of first hand stories where the tragedy was directly related to not testing in a timely manner.

 

I'm not going to put it off, this time, but, I am chickening out to a certain extent.
I'm not going for the "garden hose up the pooper" but rather a virtual colonoscopy, which is basically like an MRI.

The only real diference is that if they see something with a virtual, they can't remove it. I'd have to go back in for the garden hose treatment for that. I'm willing to take my chances, thank you very much.

 

A buddy had one done not too long ago, and I believe he used the stuff you're talking about. He's going to set me up with his pharmacist.

 

I lost my Brother to cancer in 1996. It started in his colon apparently some years before that. Whan he died it had spread throughout his organs. He only underwent treatment after it was too late.

 

You're right, you will have to have the hoser anyway if something shows up. My doctor found a 5mm polyp, removed it and told me to come back in five years. All in all painless.

 

Absolutely...

While this isn't a topic that anyone wants to be a part of, it's critically important. Colon cancer is the second leading cause cancer-related deaths in America. It is much more prevalent in black males but, it affects all races, creeds and genders.

A nationally-syndicated morning radio talk show that I listen to promotes getting checked during the month of October; they call it PROCTOBER.

Get checked, folks! This is serious stuff.

 

I guess I need to consider it, since my dad died at 64 of stomach cancer. At 65, I have only had one complete physical, that was when I was 57. That was my one and only prostate check. That was bad enough. Had a stress test a couple of years ago and I go in about once a year so they can see I'm still going strong and check the blood, but that is it. Always had great health and seldom have a cold or anything else.

 

Ray Romano did a funny skit.

he said, at first he was worried that it would hurt and wouldnt like it. then he was worried that it wouldnt hurt and he might like it.

 

Man, thank goodness im 24 and have a few years before I need one. Shouldnt you have your first one at 30-35?

I did have a buddy that had to have a prostate exam about a year ago. I asked him how it went, he said "well it wasn't too bad, the doc told me to lean over and relax. Then he put both hands on my shoulders and he.....uh oh....oh s#it!!!!"