hey guys. I need some help and advice.

I just got confirmation that the female co-worker I've been have feelings for is living with an abusive man. I suspected such for a while now and have been trying to distance myself for my own protection, both physically and emotionally. I still want to help as much as I can without getting to involved. does anyone have any contacts or resources in the cincinnati area that can help my friend and her 9 year old son?

 

word, I started to get involved with her and then some weird things started going down. I wouldn't hear from her on our off days, I couldn't arrange dates. and she showed up at work with marks on her neck saying her and her brother got in a fight. I was pretty confused at first cause she would be all over me at work and then communication went to nothing outside of work. but it makes sense now. I just want to help if I can without having to be a way out

 

wow that sucks styx. just try and get her to agree to go to counseling. dont give up on her yet if she is willing to take your help to go and get help

 

man this really has me bummed out, I havnt been involved with anyone in 5 years and then out of the blue I get dealt this hand. I havnt confronted her about anything yet, I'll give her the come to jesus speech tomorrow. wish me luck

 

Yea if he is physically abusive she or you should report it. Most areas do have hotlines. I will tell you this though styx, keep this relationship stricky as friends for a couple years. You might care for her but you have to let time heal the pain before you start moving forward here. Plus with a abusive husband that guy will come at you like a rabid dog if he thinks your interfering with his realtionship.

 

ya thats what i've been hearing from others. hes not her husband. just a live in bo-friend but still, I have to lay low to keep my *** out of hot water. I know a lowlife that would hurt his woman would kill another man. I also now know why there has been a major communication breakdown and hesitation to be more than friends outside of work.... It all makes sense now. the good news is since we work together two nights of the week we will still see and talk to one another. but anything happening outside the workplace is a no go for a good while tho, I just don't want to get stuck in that platonic "just friends" rut and grow distant

 

I don't mean to be a cold blooded jerk, but you should not get involved with this woman in any way other than bussiness. Any chik that keeps herself and her child in that type of environment is just plain and simple an emotional basket case. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink...if you know what I mean.

 

I get what your saying, I'm trying to keep it professional. but the attraction and chemistry is pretty strong, its obvious to everyone we work with.
I don't know the whole story but I DO know this much: we went out once for a few hours and had a great time. this was about 3 weeks ago. maybe 2 weeks into getting to know her. the next day after we hung out she was at the justice center, and at work the day after that she showed up with physical abuse marks and told me her and her "brother" got in a fight so most likely she told him to move on or he found out something was up and blew. I can clearly see shes reaching out for help. I've never seen someone so excited about an eviction before. I eventually want to be in a romantic relationship with her but obviously now is not a good time to hook up with her. but being a good friend now will help later down the road.

 

Hey stix, 2 questions I have I don't think you covered. I might have missed it though.

1. Is her current boyfriend the father of the 9 year old child?
2. How long has she been dating / living this guy?

 

I agree with Shane 100%. I think you are asking for trouble by getting into a relationship with her at this time. I get that you are attracted and want to help, but you must understand that people can only help themselves. I assume you want a relationship with a woman that is as stable as you are. This isn't the case here.

IMO, I think you should date someone else a few times and move past your emotional involvement with this woman. If you go date around and find you still really want to be with her, then work on it BUT don't get in the middle of her troubles. She needs to get out of the relationship and if you are getting involved you are adding to her stress. She doesn't need that so chill out and wait.

 

1. No.
2. dont know

 

National Domestic Violence Hotline
http://ndvh.org/help/index.html

 

If you go and confront him, bring a baseball bat.

 

Slap some sense into her.

J/K - Give her some domestic hotline numbers and then explain it is her choice to stay with him and she alone has to make the decision that it is a bad environment for her and her son. Also explain that her son is learning how to react in situations and relationships from HER example. He will most likely grow up and do what he was taught by HER and that is further abuse.

After that stay away until SHE decides enough is enough. You don't want anything to do with a woman that cannot decide abuse is wrong.

Victim + Hero = Codependence = MAJOR FAIL

If he hits a woman he is either a ******* that tries to control a perceived weaker person (woman) and will run away when stood up against or a total nut that will hunt you down like a dog for interfering. Do you really want to find out for a woman that has clear issues that need to be resolved before she can EVER be in a healthy relationship?

Definition Of Codependency: Codependency is a condition that results in a dysfunctional relationship between the codependent and other people. A codependent is addicted to helping someone. They need to be needed. This addiction is sometimes so strong, the codependent will cause the other person to continue to be needy. This behavior is called enabling. The enabler will purposefully overlook someone abusing a child, will call in sick for someone suffering from addiction, will put roadblocks to prevent their child from becoming independent, or even keep a sick family member from getting the treatment that would make them well. These are behaviors common to codependents. A codependent often suffers from a 'Messiah Complex' where he sees problems with everyone and sees himself as the only person who can help. Here is where I need to work...trying to be 'Mr. Fixit' for everyone...even those who don't feel they need anything fixed.

Sound familiar?

 

She will still go running back to him and lick his wounds. Remember Her choice to stay. Styx gains nothing but a longer rap sheet for a sick chick = FAIL