This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortuna tely, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - she loved to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart:

Dear Mrs. Samsel,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice 'Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away. '

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him, he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least .

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'

 

i don't believe this for a second

but if its true

 

I hope you were intoxicated while performing those acts...

 

why would wal-mart send a letter to a grown man's wife about why he is banned from wal-mart?

fake

 

uhm, i thought it was a joke, ya know sorta like a little johnny joke?

i wanna try some of those antics lol

 

You missed your calling. You were meant to be an investigator

 

damn I try...

2+2=5? ugh.. let me get back to you on this one...

 

I haven't heard this one in awhile. My favorite is darting around the store suspiciously while humming the Mission Impossible song.

 

Yall its ment to be a joke.

Always love reading those though lol. The Wal-Mart here has one of their employees tail me when i go in. Maybe its because I ride around in the carts and mess around everytime... But not sure yet

 

so far in my life i've been banned from 5 wal-marts... all in louisiana...

 

last5oh_ Since , Your retired and your wife shops there all the time. You should apply for the greeter position . (employee discount 10%)

 

 

hey i think this is there letter to me! me and my buddy got the wal-mart cops called on us when we tryed to return a battery haha good times.

 

Sounds hilarious!

 

i used to go noodling in the fish section of wal-mart. it was kinda funny watching the wal-mart "secret service" respond.