The "S" Count
#1
04-27-2008, 02:48 AM
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The "S" Count
A 75-year-old man went to the doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow."
The next day, the 75-year-old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as the previous day.
The doctor asks what happened, and the man explains, "Well, Doc, it's like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, but nothing. Then with her left, but nothing."
The old man continued, "She even tried with her mouth, first with her teeth in, then with he teeth out, and still nothing. Hell, we even called up the lady next door, and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing."
The doctor was shocked. "You asked your NEIGHBOR?"
The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried, we couldn't get the damn jar opened!"
The next day, the 75-year-old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as the previous day.
The doctor asks what happened, and the man explains, "Well, Doc, it's like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, but nothing. Then with her left, but nothing."
The old man continued, "She even tried with her mouth, first with her teeth in, then with he teeth out, and still nothing. Hell, we even called up the lady next door, and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing."
The doctor was shocked. "You asked your NEIGHBOR?"
The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried, we couldn't get the damn jar opened!"
#2
04-27-2008, 09:45 AM
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#3
04-27-2008, 12:51 PM
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#4
04-27-2008, 09:35 PM
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So the same old man goes to the direct deposit sperm bank. The girl at the counter gives him a jar with a lid and tells him to go to the first side room. He goes in draws the curtain behind him. Soon the there is grunting, groaning plenty of heavy breathing, The curtains are billowing and heaving as the old guy continues with the grunting, groaning and heavy breathing. This is on going and going on. People in the lobby are starting to stop what they are doing, in amazement they watch the curtain heave from the old guys exertions. After a prolonged session of grunting he brushs aside the curtain, and steps out. He is completly disleveledand sweating. His eye glasses are all fogged up, his step is uncertain and shakey. His eyes are glazed over and are wildly blinking and twitching.
People in the clinic are slowly starting to stand and the clapping slowly starts. A super star at 70... He, in his state of extreme exhaustion shuffles to the receptionest and with a shaky hand gives her the bottle. In a distant and exhausted voice he says " Dearie, could you remove the bottles lid for me?"
People in the clinic are slowly starting to stand and the clapping slowly starts. A super star at 70... He, in his state of extreme exhaustion shuffles to the receptionest and with a shaky hand gives her the bottle. In a distant and exhausted voice he says " Dearie, could you remove the bottles lid for me?"
