I dont even know where to start. Nothing to exciting happened last night (We drank at an Amish mans house...how many people can say they've done that, actually do it quite often )

The most recent one was last weekend. We were driving in my buddies pickup (pretty nice 04 F150)...him, another buddy, my ex, and I. Traveling down this road we've all been down millions of times. Music cranked, talking back and forth, it was the drivers and my b-day so we were having a good time, driver distracted...Im not paying attention to the road at all, but I hear a faint '***** man..." and look up just a we blow past a stopsign at 45 MPH, straight into the deadend ditch. Flew off the roadside of the ditch straight into the other side of the ditch, ramped up that, went through a barbed wire fence, and finally got stopped about 35 yards off the road in a huge waterhole where we sat stuck for 30 minutes. Finally got ahold of another buddy to come pull us out. Truck has some scars but thats it.

That was last weekends excitment anyway. My buddy that owns this truck is the most entertaining person when the booze comes out. He tends to take it easy on his new truck, but in his last truck (97 F150) it was like this every weekend. That thing was trashed, he finally rolled it when he was deerhunting. His exact words afterward "Im not even mad about the truck, but I AM pissed about the case of beer in the back" New case and every single bottle broke

This reminded me of another story. We are all partying down by the river and a buddy decides we should go to the neighboring town and slide down the emergency exit at their school. So 5 of us pack in my buddies Supercrew, and we are headed down the road. Hauling *** down an old country road that intersect a set of train tracks. Again, no one is paying attention except the driver and he yells out a big "YEEHAW MUTHERFKRS!!!" At that moment the rest of us realized we were at the railroad traks, and just how fast we were traveling. Now these are no normal track crossings, its a LARGE hill/dropoff that goes to them on one side...if your going over 15 miles per hour over them your going to get air, its that steep. We were traveling approxamaitley 80 MPH.....For a good five minutes it seemed like we were all wieghtless, deathly silent in the cab minus the guy that owns the truck (who wasnt driving) screamin out "IM GONNA KILL YOU MUTHERFKR" at the driver. So about 5 minutes later when we landed, beers foaming over everywhere (if youve ever had an open beer and ramped in a vehicle you know what Im talking about). To make it worse we all tried to cover them with our thumbs so beer was just spaying everywhere. And, yes, two or three cases of beer in the back pretty much all broken.
It was the highest and furthest Ive ever been in the air in a vehicle I believe.


Both are kinda one of those "Ya had to be there" stories, but damn

I have so many....Its just hard to remember the details.

 

So... what happened to me last night?!

Well... I drank 5 cans by the time I posted the picture a couple pages within about 2 hours. By that time is was around midnight... so I decided to have a few more... and more... lol... Until after drinking 1 gallon of beer... or 8 cans of 16 oz Old Milwaukee, I started getting really woozy and the urge to throw up badly. So I went out into the garage and jacked up some music, and I sat there in a chair staring at my F150 until about 4 am. I dozed off a few times... but my gut was killing me... to the point at around 2 am I was about ready to make myself throw up. But I didn't... and let the agony continue. So I sat there until 4 am when I started feeling better. I then went in my room and just passed out in bed. But that isn't the 1/2 of it... I had to get up at 6 am. So my alarm went off... and it went off... a few more times actually. Until it was 7 am. I had to leave at 7:15 am to go to my cross country event. So I quickly got dressed and I got in my truck... realizing that I still feel sort of drunk. But I drove, and I swore that I was a few times over the yellow... but I'm not too sure. So I get at college at 8 am... and I get in the van with my team and everything, and we go down to the event... it was held at Oneonta Air Field Park... but the guys race wasn't until 11 am. So during the ride, which about a hour and a half... I so felt like I was going to throw up badly... I even got motion sickness. IT was bad. So I just sat there staring at the floor... for pretty much the entire trip. We got there around 9:45 am... I'm starting to feel a little better and I drank a ton of water... I felt so dehydrated.... it was bad. Especially when you need to run a 5 mile race. So stocked up on water... and actually went to take a **** for the first time in since 7 am before I left. Talk about relieving.. woah. Mind you, I am in the middle of a hangover... and I gotta run. So we warmed up and everything, and I started feeling like a lot better. That was around 10:50 am... So I was waiting for the gun to go off, I was thinking in my mind the following, "Why the ******* am I doing this to myself?!" So it went off... and off I went... felt really good throughout the race, placed 96th, and made some points for the team. What's even better is that I ran this race 5 minutes faster than I did my previous race.

So even 1 gallon of beer before a race will not stop me.

 

I don't know if I've told this story before; but, here goes anyway. I went back home for class reunion in 1995. At one of the parties, we were out in the middle of a field, in a "party trailer" one of the guys had set up for hunting and such. It was located adjacent to a field full of cattle.

We were all inside drinking, reliving old glories, and rekindling old friendships when we heard something out by the deck howling/screaming. It sounded awlful and went on for about 30 seconds. It was sounded like a mix between a little girl screaming and a wounded dog whining.

We all jumped up and went outside to see what it was. What we found was a little shocking. Laying there, on the deck, was a friend that will remain anonimous here. He was curled into the fetal position and whimpering, with his pants down to his knees and his hands buried in his crotch. Apparently the fense that ran along the side of the deck was electrified.

 

First you took the math way to far 16oz to this times 8 cans gallon later, dont ever calculate beer like that again.

On to my stripper story no drugs with this one though we were at my buddys house (where almost all our stuff happens) having some people over like 10 nothing big just our group, a few girls then me and my boys drinking. We started to get pretty drunk you know just old friends getting drunk. My buddy goes out back to smoke and when he comes back in he brings in 6 girls we were all drunk and like WTF. It turns out they were at a party down the ally and something happened IDK broken up or something so they went out the back door to the ally expecting to get back to their cars but the ally didnt exit like they though and they kept walking and walking then my buddy heard them in the ally and talked to them then invited them in. night goes on us all drinking now and our girls start to get mad because the new girls were very open and like play touching each other and dancing, so our girls left. More drinking and getting down right crazy we find out they were strippers for a few clubs in scottdale. So by the end of the night there were 6 butt naked hoes running around the house dancing and just crazy stuff for us 6 guy. ( i know sweet huh?) We all pass out then in the morning wake up and got their real numbers (the ones we got last night deff wouldnt have gotten us any where 6023-4553-3545 jammmies, you know) and drove them to thier car all the way across the neighborhood by driving around, our neighborhoods can be almost a square mile with just streets the lead to more streets.

 

The girl licking my dash is way shorter. Out drinking nothing really happening buddy calls girl over she brings ( not to hot) friend. party's over everyone goes back to my buddy's house he wants to get lucky, and it would happen if she hadn't brought that other girl that had to get back to wake up for work. Taking one for the team since there were no other girls for me anyways I take the ugly one home so my buddy could get some. shes drunk and she keeps saying how much she likes my truck and how nice it is, all while smudging the crap out of my nav screen. Im like yeah yeah thanks she keeps going on so to turn her off I start to talk about how all the ****** like my truck and she was no different, almost home she starts say I cant decide who I want to make out with more you or your truck, i turn up the radio a bit and out of no where leans forward and licks right up the front part of the dash I was like WTF and just stared at her and then she though it was funny and did it like twice more, we pull up to her house and I kick her out and pull out my cleaning wipes. WTF who does that?

 

Oh geez, the endless drunk stories.

I had sex on a car hood in a crowded parking lot once while tailgating. It was wild.

 

I banged a chick on the trunk of my trans-am in the middle of a strip mall parking lot in the middle of about 30 people that were just loitering in the midlde of town. I wasn't drunk yet and neither was she though!!!

 

I had sex with twins, on the hood of a fire truck, in the infield of Bristol Motor Speedway, during a NASCAR race. Their mom and dad were inside the cab cheering me on; and, their older sister was waiting her turn and holding my beer. I got a standing ovation from a sold out crowd.

 

Well I'm heading out Thursday to visit some friends at UF and hopefully go to the UF-Auburn game. It will be a weekend of heavy drinking, parties, and tailgating. I'm sure I will have some stories when I get back.

 

a long story short.....
playing a some random drinking game, every one got hammered and the cops showed up, we all bailed, i drove thinking i was way to drunk to drive ( you know usually your like, sh*t i can drive home), i woke up in someone i didnt even know's bed and had pissed all in it ( i had originally thought i had spilt a drink in it..), they kicked me out, and aparrently i was at an apartment complex. I got up and tried to find my truck, and found my friend Matt sleeping on a bench like a bum, man he didn remember anything. Later that day, we went by another friend who was there at the party and he had just got back from the hospital because some well to do drinking buddies rolled him under the porch of the house we were partying at to hide him from the cops, and had rolled him onto a pile of fire ants, and his arm was all ffed up. he was sick, i mean real sick, and prolly didnt feel the pain cause he was passed out. This is prolly the craziest thing that ever happend to me drinking wise. This was at UTA in Arlington,TX

 

Wow. I'd be pissed if somebody rolled me into a pile of fireants.

 

Years ago my buddy and I were camped out close to the river on a week fishing trip. The third night we started drinking rum and coke. After about a fifth my fishing buddy decided to drop a can of coke in the fire we made to see how long it would take to explode. Mind you, there was dried tall grass all around us and our 24' camper was on top of it all. After about 10 minutes or so the can of pop blew! When it went off if blew embers and fire everywhere from the fire. It seemed the whole world was on fire. Drunk, we couldn't contain the fire as it spread all over. No cell phone in those days. Fire got completely out of control. Lost everything except our cooler and a couple of fly rods that were down by the river. We were worried about the propane tanks blowing so we got far away from it all. By the time the fire department came it was way to late. If I recall the closest fire department was a half hour away at best. Who would have thought a can of pop in a fire could waste a 24' trailer and everything in it. But we saved the cooler and a couple of fine fly rods

 

More of the drunken roommate:

A group of us including my roommate were out at Lake Sommerville drinking like we did quite often. We had coolers floating in the water with us while we were all out about chest deep in the lake. As we would finish a coldbeer, we would fill it up with lake water and throw it back to the shore where the trashcan was so when we got done we could pick em up and toss em in the trash. For the amount of beer we were drinking, we thought it was more fun to try and make the empties in the trash can from the water. Well my drunken roommate decided to get a good grip on his beer can after filling it with water by sticking his index finger in the hole. You can imagine how this turned out. Yeah we had to cut our day short and spend the rest of the evening in the emergency room.

I have plenty more about my drunken roommate...

 

More of my drunken roommate:

One afternoon we decided to be high dollar drunks and decided to go to the liquor store for quality over quantity for once. Well we decided to get a handle of Crown Royal (My favorite) to split for the night. Well I lost track of him at a party late into the night so I was forced to resort back to beer. Well he had decided to leave with his booty call at the time.

Meanwhile he had finished off the handle himself (I didn't get many drinks out of this FYI). Well when they arrived back at our apartment complex he was in the backseat of a little two door car (mustang I think). He had the handle with him, cause he wanted to hold onto it as a medal of honor for the night I guess. While he was trying to get out of the back seat of this car he tripped and fell on his face. The only thing there to break his fall was the empty handle of Crown Royal. Well somehow he decided to use it to break the impact of his face on the concrete. So, the reaction was the bottle broke when it hit the concrete while in his hand, then his face smashed onto the broken glass on the concrete.

Well my phone began to blow up with phone calls from everyone that lived in the apartment next door to me. This certain apartment housed my drunken roommate's booty call, my current booty call, and my other roommate's (who was sleeping) bootycall. So yes, all three of us roommate's were sleeping with all three of the roommate's next door. It worked out quite well as you can imagine.

Well I finally answered my phone after about 10 calls and was told to come home right away because my drunken roommate was bleeding from the face. I tried to call my other roommate who was at home sleeping to go and check. He didn't answer (as usual).

I decide that since I'm usually the one who has to take care of him, I would have to go and check on him. I get to the neighbors apartment, and he is in his chick's room. I knock on the door and open it and he is standing on the bed butthole NAKED and laughing as he is performing the "hellicopter" move.

I make him come out, and he has glass lodged in many parts of his face. I have to take him to the bathroom and begin to use tweezers to remove parts of glass and gravel from his face, all the while he is still naked and refuses to put on a towel. I am genuinely worried about the guy so I try to help him out. I continue to get more glass out, and his **** bootycall walks in with blood all over her because apparantly she was too horny to clean him up first before they started messing around in her bed.

I leave and go home, only to wake up the next day having to take him back to the ER to get some wounds cleaned up.

I have more...

 

Yet another drunken roommate story:

A group of my buddies and I are out dove hunting one afternoon. Well we had decided to start drinking heavily early. About an hour before sunset, a small group of birds fly over us and my drunken roommate hits one and it flutters for about 100 yards before it lands. Well the place we are hunting has tanks on it that we flood for duck season. There was only one that was flooded for dove season. Well my drunken roommate decides to take off running with his shotgun above his head through the thick 5 foot tall weeds. As we are watching him run around the tanks we can only see his head and his gun above his head. Next thing we know he dissapears completely. We assume he fell and since the shotgun didn't go off, we assumed he was fine. Well he come limping back and bleeding from one of his legs badly. As he was running watching for this dove bird to flush up, he had forgotten about one of our duck blinds. He fell in and a stick of rebarb sliced his leg from the ankle all the way up past his knee. Back to the ER.

Oh but there are more...