A new priest was so nervous at his first mass, he could hardly speak. After mass, he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

The next Sunday, the new priest took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:

1. Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ***.

6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.

8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.

9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ***.

10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say, "Eat me."

12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry."

13. The recommended grace before a meal is not, "Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God!"

14. Next Sunday, there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

 

 

This is the cool version of Christianity.


mmhm Go Athiesm!

 

Don't mean to offend anyone. I'm a Catholic myself including 12 years of Catholic school. But I think it's pretty funny.

 

Whats wrong with being Catholic? I'm one of the few people who can say my religion encourages drinking.

 

 

 

Seen it before. Still funny.

 

The vodka induced comments sound like a rap song.

 

BWWAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAA