Mr. Smith owned a small business. He had two employees, Sarah and Jack. They were both extremely good employees - always willing to work overtime and chip in where needed.

Mr. Smith was looking over his books one day and decided that he wasn't making enough money to warrant two employees and he would have to lay one off. But both Sarah and Jack were such good workers he was having trouble finding a fair way to do it. He decided that he would watch them work and the first one to take a break would be the one he would lay off.

So, he sat in his office and watched them work. Suddenly, Sarah gets a terrible headache and needs to take an aspirin. She gets the aspirin out of her purse and goes to the water cooler to get something to wash it down with. Mr. Smith follows her to the water cooler, taps her on the shoulder and says, "Sarah, I'm going to have to lay you or Jack off."

And Sarah says, "Can you jack off? I have a headache!"

 

 

Jack and Bob both get laid off from the factory. They go down to the unemployment office for benefits. The woman at the office asks Jack if he was skilled or unskilled labor because that determines how big a check you get. Jack says he don't know. The woman asks what Jack did at the factory and he says he worked an assemblyline making womens underwear. The woman says that sounds like unskilled labor and gives him a check for $60.
Then she turns to Bob and asks if he was skilled or unskilled labor, Bob says he don't know. She asks what he did at the factory and he says he was a diesel fitter. She says "Well, that sounds like skilled labor to me." and gives Bob a check for $385.

When Jack hears this he gets very upset and screams,
"What? This guy worked right beside me on the assemblyline! All day long I'm stitching together ladies underwear and all this idiot did was put them on his head and say, 'diesel fitter' !"

 

 

Now that's funny.

 

I have thought about posting that joke on here for months now...

Never got around to it...

Lay you, or Jack off.

 

Both funny jokes

 

A guy gets home from work at the pickle factory a little early and looks pretty upset. His wife asks what's wrong, and he says "I got fired from work today just for sticking my finger in the pickle slicer".

The wife gets all upset and says "Really, tell me what happened?"

The newly unemployed guy says "Well, they fired both of us!"

 

All three jokes,

 

A guy comes home from work, walks thru the front door and pinned to his shirt pocket is a note that says 'YOU'RE FIRED!'.

The guys wife asks, "What's this all about?"

The guy says, "I don't know. I woke up and there it was."

 

 

Man those are GOOD