A few funnies.....
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From: New Jersey
A few funnies.....
These are not meant to offend anyone!
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
10 years and 45 lbs
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton *****.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the ****** on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a blonde baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong".
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time ..." -A southern fairytale begins
"Y'all ain't gonna believe this ****....
Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
10 years and 45 lbs
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton *****.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the ****** on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a blonde baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong".
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time ..." -A southern fairytale begins
"Y'all ain't gonna believe this ****....
Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides
Last edited by lovetrucks; Dec 14, 2006 at 03:35 PM.
Thread Starter
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From: New Jersey
Originally Posted by jamzwayne
Well, quit following me.
Or, am I following you?I think you're following me.
Blue.....get your mind out of the gutter! And you say I have a dirty mind!
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From: Burleson/Athens/Brownsboro, TX
Originally Posted by lovetrucks
I think you're following me.
Blue.....get your mind out of the gutter! And you say I have a dirty mind!
Blue.....get your mind out of the gutter! And you say I have a dirty mind!
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Jim
Jim
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Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 342
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From: New Jersey
Some old jokes, but fairly funny.
How do you know if a blonde has been using a vibrator?
Her teeth are chipped.
How do you tell if a blonde has been using a computer?
There's white out on the screen.
Did you here about the blonde who got fired from the M&M factory?
She rejected all of the W's.
Whats the difference between a blondes IQ and her shoe size?
About 2.
What do you call and Irishmans 7 course meal?
A 6 pack and baked potato.
What do you do if a blond throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back!
What did the blonde do when she got her period?
Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her.
What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
"Oh look! Donut seeds!"
How do you know if a blonde has been using a vibrator?
Her teeth are chipped.
How do you tell if a blonde has been using a computer?
There's white out on the screen.
Did you here about the blonde who got fired from the M&M factory?
She rejected all of the W's.
Whats the difference between a blondes IQ and her shoe size?
About 2.
What do you call and Irishmans 7 course meal?
A 6 pack and baked potato.
What do you do if a blond throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back!
What did the blonde do when she got her period?
Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her.
What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
"Oh look! Donut seeds!"