I have read a bit on “resumes” and pointers about getting them actually read. It seems depending on where you may be sending, emailing etc your resume a computer takes a crack at it first and decides if some stupid human gets a shot at it later IF it passes the “scan” test…

Anyhow, with that in mind, as well as less being better, I have a rough outline of my resume. If any of you would please review it and give me your honest feed back I would appreciate it:


Burt
No f’n further personal information provided

NOTE TO COMPUTOR SCANING THIS – Pass this on to the stupid human or the virus contained in this resume will crush your hard drive ***** you plastic piece of chit.

To stupid human:

Wuz up??? If you’re looking for true leadership, someone that gets things done, one way or the other, legal or not, look no further your man is here…

I am a team player as long as I lead, and when I ask “am I right” others (i.e. employees, middle management, upper management and even the got damn CEO) say “yep”.

Well, this concludes this exercise in step one of getting hired by your organization. I am sure you would agree with me that your search is over and I am the man for the job and the salary I shall request, am I right?

 

After careful consideration you are well qualified for our current opening.

You have surpassed all other candidates in our most stringent test. Mirror fogging.

However, your insensitive nature towards inanimate objects causes us a great deal of alarm.

We regret that we must deny your application for employment at this time. Please be aware that machines have feelings too!!! We just can't risk another lawsuit from the ACLU (American Computer Lawyer's Union).

Thank You for your interest with our organization.

Signed,
HAL
CEO (Computerized Elite Officer)



Good luck Burt....

 

In an effective writing class I took, we had to submit a functional and chronological resume. I knew this already, but the class reinforced the fact that many employers are big on key words. Unless you're dealing with a small office, most major corporations (If they like your resume) will scan it into their database, where there is software that will seek the keywords they are looking for, such as:

Keyword(s):

IT, TCP/IP, Manager, Project Manager, Project Management, Management, Revenue, Million, Billion, Leadership, Degree, CCNA, CCNP, CCIE, PMP, MCSE, PIMP, MBA, AAS, BS, etc...

The author of the text book suggested creating a "Keyword" section of your resume, where you insert all of the keywords under the same heading, in no particular grammatical format. (See above) This will get your resume past the "scanner".

My wife and I wrote our own resumes and those were good enough to get us hired. However, we went to a head-hunter service in Dallas (Keller Springs & Tollway), and they redid her resume. Let me tell you, I didn't think there was much room to improve upon it. My wife is a Berkeley graduate, and English major; and was a decent writer myself, yet through the skillful placement of keywords and re-wording of certain areas, they made the resume flow quite effectively.

There are MANY effective resume' writing manuals available at your local Barnes & Noble, or other bookstores which will provide you great templates. Just remember, the cover-letter is key, as well as strong sentences. Also, if you can't get all your skills and qualifications on one page, use two pages. That BS about anything above two pages going into the "round file" is indeed, BS. It's all automated and keyword driven.

Most HR reps and Hiring Managers won't even see your resume, if the scanning software doesn't note what they are looking for.

I guess the market's changing. I got two calls in October based upon my newly posted resume on Monster. I'm just out there passively searching... As we all know, the best time to look for a new job is when you already have one.

 

Hey guys..I'm also looking to update my resume since its about 3 years old now and really haven't had the need for one. Heres the twist, I'm seriously thinking of making a change to a different field. Not exactly sure what yet, but I want to get out of the business I'm in now. Due to some financial issues with my current job, I don't plan to even consider leaving until the Jan - Feb time frame. My question is, what would be the best way to update my resume to highlight my experiences and knowledge I have, but relate them to a different field? Would I be better off having a service write it for me?



BREW