Aging Aunt Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly
despondent
over the recent death of her husband. She decided that she would
just
kill
herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out his
old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it
was badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to
someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to justexactly where the
heart would be on a woman. The doctor said, "Your heart would bejust below
your left breast".
.
.
.
.
.
.

Later that night........ Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a
gunshot wound to her knee

 

Good one. Here's another:

A couple are sitting in a restaurant when the waiter see's the man starting to slide under the table. The waiter continues to watch as the man slowly and discretely disappears. The waiter decides he has to see what's going on. He goes up to the woman and asks her why her husband is under the table.

He isn't, she replies, he just walked in the door!