Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals
throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of
normal
conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some
employees
who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be
tolerated.

We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately
express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.

Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative "TRY SAYING" phrases have been
provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an
effective manner.

1) TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ you're doing.

2) TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a f___ing bit__.

3) TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

4) TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f___ing way.

5) TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh___ing me!

6) TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.

7) TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my f___ing problem.

8) TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f___?

9) TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won't work.

10) TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the f___ didn't you tell me sooner?

11) TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a__.

12) TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.

13) TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.

14) TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: F__ it, I'm on salary.

15) TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.

16) TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This f___ing job sucks.

17) TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the f___ died and made you boss?

18) TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a pr_ck.

Thank You,
Human Resources

 

a lot of people at my work swear, i dont know if they think it makes them look cool/tough or what but after a while it gets annoying. mind you i've never heard of

12) TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die

being related lol.

 

 

Pretty funny stuff

 

good one
will try implementing at work

 

Funny, but I think I still prefer to use the INSTEAD OF lines.

 

I do not use curse words.

I find physical violence much more effective.

 

I think it depends on your work environment. I work with mostly retired and Ex-military guys, so I hear F___ ... atleast 100 times a day.

 

Ex-Navy here and I try my very best at work not to knock the holy s*it out of some of the stupid F*cks we have on the floor, got damn bunch of lazy @ss mother*****ers…

If I happen to hurt their sensitive feelings and they start to cry I hand them a tissue and tell them to get the fu*k out and oh by the way that tissue is $1.95, thank you very much you scumbag piece of sh*t maggot…

I ain’t F’N around got damnit…

 

That **** would never fly at my place... All of us swear like truck drivers.

 

i have the worst fluckin mouth on the planet...

but i know when to "check my language" at the door..

...zap!

 

That apparently is a more effective way to get your point across.

It got the attention of this country. For a while.

 

Check this out, I turned it into a memo and am taking it to work tomorrow.