Think before you speak.
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From: Hammer Lane
Think before you speak.
Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back... or that you could crawl into a hole?
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....
FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back my husband didn't say a word... he knew better.
SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf *****. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's *****."
THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
FOURTH TESTIMONY:
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.
FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No". I kept thinking
"Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set,
but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
PS... I know that some of you may find it ironic that I'm the one making this post. Since you guys really don't matter much, I'm OK with that.
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back... or that you could crawl into a hole?
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....
FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back my husband didn't say a word... he knew better.
SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf *****. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's *****."
THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
FOURTH TESTIMONY:
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.
FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No". I kept thinking
"Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set,
but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
PS... I know that some of you may find it ironic that I'm the one making this post. Since you guys really don't matter much, I'm OK with that.
Last edited by Odin's Wrath; Sep 17, 2006 at 11:12 AM.
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From: the moral high ground
I was at the mall last night with my wife.
Up one aisle down the other, I couldn't take it anymore.
I said, "Look, we both have our phones, how about I wonder around on my own and you call me when you're ready to go."
She said, "Fine."
So, I go over to the Sporting Goods store to browse.
Sometime later my phone rings, it's her.
I answer and she says,"Where are you and what are you doing?"
I say, a little too loudly....
"****s, hanging out." :o
Up one aisle down the other, I couldn't take it anymore.
I said, "Look, we both have our phones, how about I wonder around on my own and you call me when you're ready to go."
She said, "Fine."
So, I go over to the Sporting Goods store to browse.
Sometime later my phone rings, it's her.
I answer and she says,"Where are you and what are you doing?"
I say, a little too loudly....
"****s, hanging out." :o
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Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 486
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From: Northampton, pa
a few years back my wife and i were at a friends house and were talking about new years eve and making reservations somewhere....after talking it over we decided....my wife calls the restaraunt and when the lady on the other end asks for the name of the reservation, my wife replies "Long, since ours is hard"....we were laughing so hard. took a few minutes for my wife to catch on after hanging up.....then she got it and turned bright red. we called back to confirm just to make sure.
for those not getting it, our friends name was "Long". our name being a little harder to spell....hence the long and hard.
for those not getting it, our friends name was "Long". our name being a little harder to spell....hence the long and hard.
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From: Burleson/Athens/Brownsboro, TX
Many years ago, I was standing the the check out line at the grocery store. There was a woman and her teenage daughter ahead of me. I realized it was my boss's wife who was a nurse and this was the first time I had seen her in regular clothes instead of her uniform. I said "Patsy! I didn't recognize you with your clothes on." Her daughter got more laughs out of it than I did.
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From: Pratt, KS
Originally Posted by bluejay432000
Many years ago, I was standing the the check out line at the grocery store. There was a woman and her teenage daughter ahead of me. I realized it was my boss's wife who was a nurse and this was the first time I had seen her in regular clothes instead of her uniform. I said "Patsy! I didn't recognize you with your clothes on." Her daughter got more laughs out of it than I did.
Still funny though!
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From: cleveland ohio
Originally Posted by bluejay432000
Many years ago, I was standing the the check out line at the grocery store. There was a woman and her teenage daughter ahead of me. I realized it was my boss's wife who was a nurse and this was the first time I had seen her in regular clothes instead of her uniform. I said "Patsy! I didn't recognize you with your clothes on." Her daughter got more laughs out of it than I did.