New company policy,,,I love where i work
Thread Starter
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Junior Member
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 3
Likes: 0
From: Altoona, PA
New company policy,,,I love where i work
COMPANY POLICY - EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY
Dress Code
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.
* If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
*If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise.
* If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
Bereavement Leave
This is no exc use for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Bathroom Breaks
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders Category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Fluffy people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
Dress Code
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.
* If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
*If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise.
* If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
Bereavement Leave
This is no exc use for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Bathroom Breaks
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders Category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Fluffy people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
Senior Member
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 269
Likes: 0
From: Fort Worth, TX
Hey Flyboy, I was just wondering if you have ever seen the independent film called "Diamond Men" with Donnie Wahlberg and Robert Forster. They frequented a house of ill repute in the town of Altoona called the "Altoona Riding Club". I was just wondering if you had ever seen the movie. It was pretty good by the way.
Thread Starter
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Junior Member
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 3
Likes: 0
From: Altoona, PA
Originally Posted by tbizzle
Hey Flyboy, I was just wondering if you have ever seen the independent film called "Diamond Men" with Donnie Wahlberg and Robert Forster. They frequented a house of ill repute in the town of Altoona called the "Altoona Riding Club". I was just wondering if you had ever seen the movie. It was pretty good by the way.
