NJ Driving Rules
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From: New Jersey
NJ Driving Rules
I've seen NJ driving being talked about on this forum, so here is a little NJ driving humor for you. Also, there's a little NJ joke to follow. Hope this makes you 
.
Basic Rules For Driving In New Jersey:
A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting the construction barrels.
Turn signals are just clues as to your next move in road battle so never use them.
Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you no matter how fast you're going. If you do, the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.
Never get in the way of a car that needs extensive body work.
Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to insure that your antilock braking system kicks in to give you a nice relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates.
Construction signs tell you about road closures immediately after you pass the exit but before the traffic begins to back up.
The electronic traffic warning system signs are not there to provide useful information; they're just to make the Turnpike look progressive.
Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to scare people entering the highway.
Speed limits are arbitrary figures to make NJ look as if it conforms with other state policies; these are given only as suggestions and are readily enforceable.
Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that the driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.
Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut during rush-hour traffic on the Garden State Parkway.
Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even a person changing a tire. If you're lucky, you may see the unwitting breakdown victim get mugged.
Learn to swerve abruptly. NJ is the home of the high-speed slalom driving thanks to NJDOT, who put potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.
It is traditional in NJ to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes. The state is founded upon such traditions.
Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way.
All unmarked exits on the Parkway lead to downtown Newark.
JERSEY DRIVING - GOTTA LOVE THE CHALLENGE!
Author Unknown
~~~~~
The Three Pigs
Once upon a time there were three little pigs. The straw pig, the stick pig, and the brick pig.
One day this nasty old wolf came up to the straw pigs house and said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." And he did!
So the straw pig went running over to the stick pig's house and said "Please let me in, the wolf just blew down my house." So the stick pig let the straw pig in.
Just then the wolf showed up and said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." And he did!
So the straw pig and the stick pig went running over to the brick pigs house and said," Let us in, let us in, the big bad wolf just blew our houses down."
So the brick pig let them in just as the wolf showed up. The wolf said " I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." The straw pig and the stick were so scared! But the brick pig picked up the phone and made a call.
A few minutes passed and a big, black stretch limo pulls up. Out step two massive pigs in pin striped suits and fedora hats. These pigs come over to the wolf, grab him by the neck and beat the living crap out of him. Then one of them pulled out a gun and fired killing the wolf. Then they got back into their limo and drove off.
The straw pig and stick pig were amazed! " Who the heck were those guys?" they asked.
"Those were my cousins from Jersey -- the Guinea Pigs."
~~~~~
ButlerWebs.com
. Basic Rules For Driving In New Jersey:
A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting the construction barrels.
Turn signals are just clues as to your next move in road battle so never use them.
Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you no matter how fast you're going. If you do, the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.
Never get in the way of a car that needs extensive body work.
Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to insure that your antilock braking system kicks in to give you a nice relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates.
Construction signs tell you about road closures immediately after you pass the exit but before the traffic begins to back up.
The electronic traffic warning system signs are not there to provide useful information; they're just to make the Turnpike look progressive.
Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to scare people entering the highway.
Speed limits are arbitrary figures to make NJ look as if it conforms with other state policies; these are given only as suggestions and are readily enforceable.
Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that the driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.
Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut during rush-hour traffic on the Garden State Parkway.
Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even a person changing a tire. If you're lucky, you may see the unwitting breakdown victim get mugged.
Learn to swerve abruptly. NJ is the home of the high-speed slalom driving thanks to NJDOT, who put potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.
It is traditional in NJ to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes. The state is founded upon such traditions.
Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way.
All unmarked exits on the Parkway lead to downtown Newark.
JERSEY DRIVING - GOTTA LOVE THE CHALLENGE!
Author Unknown
~~~~~
The Three Pigs
Once upon a time there were three little pigs. The straw pig, the stick pig, and the brick pig.
One day this nasty old wolf came up to the straw pigs house and said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." And he did!
So the straw pig went running over to the stick pig's house and said "Please let me in, the wolf just blew down my house." So the stick pig let the straw pig in.
Just then the wolf showed up and said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." And he did!
So the straw pig and the stick pig went running over to the brick pigs house and said," Let us in, let us in, the big bad wolf just blew our houses down."
So the brick pig let them in just as the wolf showed up. The wolf said " I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." The straw pig and the stick were so scared! But the brick pig picked up the phone and made a call.
A few minutes passed and a big, black stretch limo pulls up. Out step two massive pigs in pin striped suits and fedora hats. These pigs come over to the wolf, grab him by the neck and beat the living crap out of him. Then one of them pulled out a gun and fired killing the wolf. Then they got back into their limo and drove off.
The straw pig and stick pig were amazed! " Who the heck were those guys?" they asked.
"Those were my cousins from Jersey -- the Guinea Pigs."
~~~~~
ButlerWebs.com
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Joined: Jan 2006
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From: British Columbia
HAHAHA
I love it, LoveTrucks... but i think i can speak for anyone who has riden a motorcycle in any city larger than 50 people that those rules apply to almost any city, especially the turn signals one. If I may be so inclined to add a couple of my own...
When carrying a camper and/or towing a boat in the slow lane (where you usually are going up mountains), traffic must ride your **** as close as humanly possible in case anything falls out or incase the boat comes of the hitch so they can keep it from getting away from you!!
Also see: Cars turning right onto through road must lurch forward, brake, lurch forward, brake, then dart out in front of above mentioned pickup in such a manner that the driver of the pickup hauling the camper or boat would have no possible way of stopping before flattening the car if they were any problems.
Tanner
I love it, LoveTrucks... but i think i can speak for anyone who has riden a motorcycle in any city larger than 50 people that those rules apply to almost any city, especially the turn signals one. If I may be so inclined to add a couple of my own...
When carrying a camper and/or towing a boat in the slow lane (where you usually are going up mountains), traffic must ride your **** as close as humanly possible in case anything falls out or incase the boat comes of the hitch so they can keep it from getting away from you!!
Also see: Cars turning right onto through road must lurch forward, brake, lurch forward, brake, then dart out in front of above mentioned pickup in such a manner that the driver of the pickup hauling the camper or boat would have no possible way of stopping before flattening the car if they were any problems.
Tanner
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From: New Jersey
Originally Posted by Rush0212
The one thing I really miss about NJ are the babes, I dont know if its the water or what, but there are so many hot woman in NJ!
Yeah...we are kinda cute here. Thanks!
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Originally Posted by lovetrucks
Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even a person changing a tire. If you're lucky, you may see the unwitting breakdown victim get mugged.
KC-10 FE out...
