Long, Relationship/Life Advice... :(
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From: New Jersey
Couple things always helped me. I always thought of the bad and not the good which helped me get over them. Also some 
too. Also try to find someone else and keep your busy. Lariat said it perfect, u never really get over your first true love....
too. Also try to find someone else and keep your busy. Lariat said it perfect, u never really get over your first true love....
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From: 34.509°N & 114.326°W
Originally Posted by Lumadar
Where to start...
Background: At age 16 I met the girl that became my first real girlfriend. She and I later experienced our "firsts" for just about everything together over the course of the first year we dated. Four months after we first started dating her Dad was killed in an accident at work. Her Dad was the rock that the family was built upon, and with his death came the end of their happy, healthy family as we knew it.
The girl's (I will call her "my first ex") mom and her really didn't get along well, in fact they didn't get along at all. My first ex also had a brother that was 12, and a sister that was 14 at the time. Long story short, I stayed in the relationship despite her becoming very negative and unhappy after the accident ONLY because I felt she may be suicidal.
After a while we grew up a little, and we both fell madly and passionately in love. This lasted until about a year and half into the relationship and she began using "breaking up" as a way to avoid problems. We ended up breaking up probably 10 times over the course of the next 2.5 years. The total time from start to final finish of the relationship was 4 years.
She did a LOT, and I mean a LOT to hurt me especialling during our breakups, but I still went back to her because I truly cared about her on a level most people just wouldn't understand.
Fastforward to 6 months after our LAST breakup, I came into contact with a girl that HAD been long time, but very distant friends with my first ex. We began talking, and eventually started dating. We had amazing chemistry and it was a LOT of fun getting to know her for the first month or so.
Then things just sort of settled down, and I went through periods of being hot and cold. I began thinking about my first ex a lot, and couldn't figure out what I wanted. Last week I broke up with my second ex (for the story's purpose) and she was totally devasted.
We never even had a single fight. We meshed so well, and had so much fun together it was scary. But... between missing my ex (despite knowing for sooo many reasons we could never really be together) and the lack of conflict and passion I grew bored and decided to break it off so I could figure my **** out.
I really don't know wtf to do. I have no way to contact my first ex and basically ask her to just tell me to get lost once and for all so I can stop holding on to some stupid hope, and I also don't know what to do to make the relationship I had with my most recent ex more passionate.
I feel like I just had it on cruise control, like it was too easy. the girl was absolutely head over heels for me, and even gave me some letters after we broke up that she had written that said she had fallen completely in love and she thought I was "the one." etc.
We only dated 7 months, but it was a pretty busy and rushed 7 months that we spent a lot of time together during.
SSSSOOOOO....I guess what I am getting at is what the fricken frack can I do to once and for all get over my first ex, and figure out if this girl is right for me and add some passion into the relationship again?
Hanging on to "some stupid hope" is a cop-out. It's over and for good reason. This new, now over, relationship that was going so smoothly is what an adult relationship is all about. Gel.
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From: Pikesville, MD
Originally Posted by kobiashi
Watch it there buddy . . .
You're straying into my terrority.
You're straying into my terrority.
Yea I know I know....but I didn't use CNN (wouldn't want to be attacked for that). I figured Foxnews.com spoofs were ok...
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From: Your moms house
Originally Posted by kobiashi
Watch it there buddy . . .
You're straying into my terrority.
You're straying into my terrority.
Call me slow or whatever, but I dont understand what you mean. I know it has nothing to do with me, but what's "your terrority". I dont want to make the same mistake.
Know what I mean?
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From: Pikesville, MD
Originally Posted by jamzwayne
Call me slow or whatever, but I dont understand what you mean. I know it has nothing to do with me, but what's "your terrority". I dont want to make the same mistake.
Know what I mean?
Know what I mean?
Kobi has made quite a reputation for creating authentic looking news clippings or web page mock-ups.
I'll try to find some of his past work.
Here's one:
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From: Southern Cali
Sex is a crazy addiction... Sometimes makes you connect on one level but then you dont connect on a mental level, you have some things in common, then after a while you realize that the only keeping you together is sex.
And you do get over you first...
And you do get over you first...
Last edited by TeckBargins; Jun 21, 2006 at 02:22 PM.
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From: San Diego
Wow, I was expecting to wake up to 1 or 2 replies at best, thanks guys.
There was a lot of really good advice and things toget me thinking said, and I appreciate it a lot.
"Here's the deal: You NEVER get over the first one. EVER. It's something you have to deal with. I love my wife of 8 years second to only my kids, but sometimes part of me wonders what it would have been like with my ex... What would be different, what would be the same, etc...Time heals all, or least makes it bearable. It's better in my opinion to wonder about your first ex than deal with the misery it sounds as though she put you through. I'm not saying that your second ex is the one you should take, either. That's for you to decide. But you never get over the first one, so don't let it hold you back from future relationships..." 98Lariet4x4
Thanks for that introspective on your experience as it makes sense to me. I NEVER even considered the fact that I might end up just needing to accept the fact that I can't (likely) 100% get over my first love. That helps, a lot.
Craz3d- thanks for the good wishes.
VADER, thanks for your advice too man. That made sense to me, and I'll take it all into account for sure.
dzervit - Thanks for your advice too. You bring up good points about how and why I fall back to missing my first love.
jamzwayne- heh, that I think is my biggest/hope and fear all wrapped together into a ball of self destruction. Part of tells myself that there IS a chance she could get over the things that kept her from being able to sustain a healthy relationship, and that IF she could we could be incredibly happy together- someday. But then, in the meantime, I wonder if that is a stupid thing to hang on to since it basically destroys anything resembling a healthy/happy relationship I come across in the meantime.
As for BRUZRs_Daddy, lol, although there was an absense of tact in your reply, I do see what you are saying. But when I say that it isn't a cop out to ME, I mean that. I have genuine feelings. However, I do understand what you mean about the newer relationship being much more mature.
I think part of my problem is that I went from a very "unhealthy" co-dependant relationship with extremely high levels of jealousy and doubt, which kept both of us on our toes constantly and passion levels high...to a very calm, subdued, and conflict free relationship that was literally at the complete opposite end of the spectrum.
I think it was a shock for me to go so far in a single step/relationship. I have never been in a relationship before that was so "easy." My other problem is that I am a "fixer" kind of guy. I like helping girls get over problems, whatever they may be. and this new chick didn't really have any problems, and the few things she needed to get straightened out I already took care of. So part of me might be bored because I am looking for more unhealthy crap to have to try and fix.
How retarded is that?
There was a lot of really good advice and things toget me thinking said, and I appreciate it a lot.
"Here's the deal: You NEVER get over the first one. EVER. It's something you have to deal with. I love my wife of 8 years second to only my kids, but sometimes part of me wonders what it would have been like with my ex... What would be different, what would be the same, etc...Time heals all, or least makes it bearable. It's better in my opinion to wonder about your first ex than deal with the misery it sounds as though she put you through. I'm not saying that your second ex is the one you should take, either. That's for you to decide. But you never get over the first one, so don't let it hold you back from future relationships..." 98Lariet4x4
Thanks for that introspective on your experience as it makes sense to me. I NEVER even considered the fact that I might end up just needing to accept the fact that I can't (likely) 100% get over my first love. That helps, a lot.
Craz3d- thanks for the good wishes.
VADER, thanks for your advice too man. That made sense to me, and I'll take it all into account for sure.
dzervit - Thanks for your advice too. You bring up good points about how and why I fall back to missing my first love.
jamzwayne- heh, that I think is my biggest/hope and fear all wrapped together into a ball of self destruction. Part of tells myself that there IS a chance she could get over the things that kept her from being able to sustain a healthy relationship, and that IF she could we could be incredibly happy together- someday. But then, in the meantime, I wonder if that is a stupid thing to hang on to since it basically destroys anything resembling a healthy/happy relationship I come across in the meantime.
As for BRUZRs_Daddy, lol, although there was an absense of tact in your reply, I do see what you are saying. But when I say that it isn't a cop out to ME, I mean that. I have genuine feelings. However, I do understand what you mean about the newer relationship being much more mature.
I think part of my problem is that I went from a very "unhealthy" co-dependant relationship with extremely high levels of jealousy and doubt, which kept both of us on our toes constantly and passion levels high...to a very calm, subdued, and conflict free relationship that was literally at the complete opposite end of the spectrum.
I think it was a shock for me to go so far in a single step/relationship. I have never been in a relationship before that was so "easy." My other problem is that I am a "fixer" kind of guy. I like helping girls get over problems, whatever they may be. and this new chick didn't really have any problems, and the few things she needed to get straightened out I already took care of. So part of me might be bored because I am looking for more unhealthy crap to have to try and fix.
How retarded is that?
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Joined: May 2000
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From: Somewhere in the EU
Originally Posted by jamzwayne
Call me slow or whatever, but I dont understand what you mean. I know it has nothing to do with me, but what's "your terrority". I dont want to make the same mistake.
Know what I mean?
Know what I mean?
Vader has it correct . . .
And how could you forget. Heck, you were once mentioned in one of them:
Vader -
No worries. My attorneys over at Steinman, Berkowitz, Goldstein, Hoffman, Kravtiz & Meyer were eager to file an Intellectual Property infringement, Copyright infringement, and a host of other infringements (that their crack legal staff would most certainly have come up with), but I told them to back off.
I am touched to have had such a positive influence on you.
Tell you what, you can cover the Fox News versions, and I'll stick with CNN. MSNBC is open to both.
Keep up the good work.
Hint:
Attention to detail is a must. The sub-headlines are just as important. Note all the entries on the above posted CNN. Even the little windows within windows have altered text. Little stuff like that is important. Granted, you need to have no life (like myself), but if you're gonna do it, then do it right.
Carry on grasshopper.
Well done!
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From: Louisiana
Originally Posted by Lumadar
I think it was a shock for me to go so far in a single step/relationship. I have never been in a relationship before that was so "easy." My other problem is that I am a "fixer" kind of guy. I like helping girls get over problems, whatever they may be. and this new chick didn't really have any problems, and the few things she needed to get straightened out I already took care of. So part of me might be bored because I am looking for more unhealthy crap to have to try and fix.
How retarded is that?
How retarded is that?
It's not really retarded at all... It's human nature. Every woman wants a knight in shining armor to come save her from peril or another. And every man wants to find that woman that he can dash off of her feet with his cunning, intellect, and maybe even physical prowness. It's what we're trained to do from the very first cartoons we started watching. Snow White, Cinderella, Beauty & the Beast, even Shrek, are all tales of the hero overcoming the odds and getting the girl. It's a learned behavior. Now, you have to make yourself happy before you can find someone that will be your match.
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From: Pikesville, MD
Originally Posted by kobiashi
Vader -
No worries. My attorneys over at Steinman, Berkowitz, Goldstein, Hoffman, Kravtiz & Meyer were eager to file an Intellectual Property infringement, Copyright infringement, and a host of other infringements (that their crack legal staff would most certainly have come up with), but I told them to back off.
I am touched to have had such a positive influence on you.
Tell you what, you can cover the Fox News versions, and I'll stick with CNN. MSNBC is open to both.
Keep up the good work.
Hint:
Attention to detail is a must. The sub-headlines are just as important. Note all the entries on the above posted CNN. Even the little windows within windows have altered text. Little stuff like that is important. Granted, you need to have no life (like myself), but if you're gonna do it, then do it right.
Carry on grasshopper.
Well done!
hai senpai hai
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From: Somewhere in the EU
Originally Posted by 98Lariet4x4
Every woman wants a knight in shining armor to come save her from peril or another. And every man wants to find that woman that he can dash off of her feet with his cunning intellect . . .
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From: Burleson/Athens/Brownsboro, TX
Originally Posted by kobiashi
Whoa . . . if that's true then a lot of you guys are in serious trouble!
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