A burglar was breaking into a home one night-
After searching he found and open window,
He’d gotten one leg in when he heard a parrot say-
“Arrrk- Jesus is watching you.”
The burglar turned around and left-

The next night, the same burglar saw the same window open.
This time he got half way in and the parrot said,
“Arrrk- Jesus is watching you.”
The burglar, now upset, backed out and left-

The burglar decided he'd try one last time.
Not to be denied, he got all the way in the window.
He looked around, and all was clear. He approached the closet and the parrot said-
“Arrrk- Jesus is watching you.”

The burglar went over to him and said-
“Shhhh, stupid bird.
What's your name?”
The bird said, “Arrrk- my name is Moses.”

The burglar said, "Moses, Hahaha...
What kind of an idiot names his parrot Moses?”
The parrot said,
“Arrk, the same idiot that named his Rottwieler, Jesus.”

 

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night

and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a

big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that

after dinner, she would like to go out and make love

for the first time.

* * * * * * * * *

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex

before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get

some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and

the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.

He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

* * * * * * * * *

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many

condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family

pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he

thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

* * * * * * * * *

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents

house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm

so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

* * * * * * * * *

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table

where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly

offers to say grace and bows his head.

* * * * * * * * *

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer,

with his head down.

* * * * * * * * *

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

* * * * * * * * *

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the

girlfriend leans over and whispers to the

boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

* * * * * * * *

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your

father was a pharmacist."

 

I've got a parrot, and I keep telling him this story...

A couple had recently aquired a very talkative parrot from a friend. The parrot however, had a nasty habit of cussing, and nothing they had tried could stop him from doing it. Being rather consertive this really embarresed them around friends.
One weekend her parents were to be in town, and wanted to stop by. They argued for awhile about what to do with the parrot, knowing her parents would not approve, and be offended. Well, when the time came the man threw the parrot in the freezer in a desperate panic. The parents came by stayed awhile had a nice visit.
Once in the clear they retrieved the parrot from the freezer, shivering, but quiet. In fact several days went by without a word or whimper from the parrot. Finally the man sat down with the parrot, and just asked what was going on, why so quiet all of a sudden.
The parrot replied, "Just tell me what the chicken did."

 

this is funny but stupid! LOL

a pirate walks into a bar, the bartender looks at him and says "why do you have a steering wheel in your pants?"

the pirate says " arrrrrrrrrrrrr, its driving me nuts"

told you it was stupid....i laugh everytime i hear it or tell it!

 

Question: Why did the chicken cross the road?

















Answer: To get to the other side.

 

**Warning - This is a cajun joke not a mountaineer wannabe post!!**

Boudreaux, Fontenot & Thibodeaux

One day, while fishing under the I-10 bridge in The Atchafalaya Basin, Boudreaux made a confession. "We all been friends for tirty year and been tru a lot. I never told ya'll dis befo 'cause I don't wanna ruin our friendship, but I'm gay."

Fontenot looked over at Thibodeaux and say, "We kinda figured dat out a while back, but wadn't gonna say nuttin' 'cause we din't wanna embarrass you".

Boudreaux thanked them for their understanding and continued, "Da reason I'm tollin' ya'll dis is 'cause I got AIDS and I got six munt to liv. Ya'll da only family I got lef and I want ya'll to promise me dat yall wont let dem bary me. I'm scared of dem caskets and I wanna be cremate. Den, I want ya'll to trow my ashes from dat bridge up dair into dis swamp where we've
spent so much time together." Fontenot and Thibodeaux wiped back a few tears, then agreed to do what their friend as asked.

Sho' nough, six munts later Beoudreaux died, and they were standin on the bridge with the ashes.

Fontenot was about to trow dem out when Thibodeaux stop him: "Wait, you gotta say sumtin," he say.

"I donno what to say. I never waz much bout goin' to church" Fontenot admitted.

Thibodeaux, he scratch his head, "Just say somtin'....anyting, Make it rhyme."

Fontenot, he tought about it a while and started trowin' dem ashes out over da swamp and say, "Ashes to ashes, Dus to dus, if you liked women, You'd be here wit us."

 

So old Boudreaux and Thibodeaux, they's a doin' pretty good in they hardware store business, so they decides one day they'sa gonna go down to them there gambling boats. Well, they gets there, an' they go dere seprate ways. After bout 5 hour, Boudrreaux done a spent all of his monies, so he sits on the stairs, dejected, to wait for Thibodeaux...About a hour or two later, Thibodeaux comes out all a smiling and happy, and wit 2 buckets full of quaters.. Boudreaux asks him why he so happy, 'cause he done spent every dollar and had nothing to show for it.

Thibodeaux says " You never made it up to the second floor, didya' ?"

Boudreaux says, " Why no, all my money was gone on de first. What up there on the second?"

Thibodeaux, he say " De got this machine up dere. every damn time you puts a dollar in, 4 quaters come out. "

 

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take a few days leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take a few days off.

So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker, who's blonde, asked me what I was doing? I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What are you doing ?" I told him I was a light bulb. He said "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days". I jumped down and walked out of the office. When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her "And where do you think you're going?"

She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!"

 

This ol redneck was killed when his pickup hit a tree head on.
He was in such bad shape they werent sure if it was Billy Bob or not.

Well the coroner calls up his 2 best buddies that he was seen with daily
to see if they could identify the body and see if it was Billy Bob.

The two buddies go down to the morgue to identify their pal.
The coroner pulls the sheet back and the two buddies are like " wow, that is horrible, I cant tell who that is he looks so bad"

The one buddy says "well theres just one way to tell, roll him over"

The coroner looks puzzled, asking " why do you need the body rolled over.

The buddy says "I need to see if he has 2 a$$holes"

The coroner looking even more puzzled asks " 2 a$$holes, never heard of such a thing?"

Thats when the other buddy says " aint never seen them either, but every time we was coming into town with Billy Bob we would here people saying here comes Billy Bob and them 2 a$$holes.


Sled...

 

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.

Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a blind policeman!"