Acura
Automobile Causes Universal Road Accidents
All Cars Usually Require Adjustment
Any Child Understands Real Automobiles
Americans Can Underestimate Routine Accidents

Audi
Accelerates Under Demonic Influence

Beetle
By Everyone's Experience, They Last Eternally!
Battered Everywhere; Expect To Lose Engine

BMW
Babbling Mechanical Wench
Beastly Monstrous Wonder
Beautiful Masterpieces on Wheels
Beautiful Mechanical Wonder
Big Money Waste
Big Money Works
Born Moderately Wealthy
Break My Windows
Broken Money Waster
Broken Monstrous Wonder
Brutal Money Waster
Bumbling Mechanical Wretch
Busted My Wallet

Buick
Big Ugly Import Car Killer
Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer
Big Ugly Indestructible Compact Killer

Camaro
Can't America Make A Real One?

Chevrolet
Car Has Extensive Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips

Chevy
Cheapest Heap Ever enVisioned Yet

Chrysler
Car Having Really Yucky Stupid Lazy Engine Runs
Could Have Remained Your Sickly Lame Elderly Relative's

Citroen
Crummy Interior, Terrible Road-holding, Owned Entirely by Nebishes

Dodge
Dead Or Dying Garbage Emitter Drips Oil, Drops Grease, Everywhere
Dem Old Dudes Go Everywhere
Dangerous On Days Gears Engage
Death Overcomes Driver's Generous Ego

Fiat
Failure in Automotive Technology
Feeble Italian Attempt at Transportation
Fix It Again Tony?
Fix It All the Time

Ford
First On Race Day
Finest on Reliability & Durability
Fine Off Road Driver
Fastest On Race Day

GMC
Garage Man's Companion
Generally Mediocre Cars
Got Mechanic Coming

Honda
How Odd, No Damn Acceleration
Hold Overs Not Doing Anything

Jaguar
Junk Always Going Under At Repair shop

Jeep
Junk Electrical and Emissions Parts
Jump Excitedly in Every Pothole
Junk Everyone Eyes for Parts
Jinxed Engine has Extra Parts
Jumps Everything Ever Parked
JUST Enough Engine Power?

Mazda
Model All Zoids Drive Aimlessly

Mercedes
Most Every Red Cent Eventually Dissipates, Extinguishing Savings

Mopar
Most Often Passed At Races
Mostly Old Parts And Rust
Mostly Old Paint And Rust
Most Original Parts Already Replaced
Mitsubishi's Over Priced American Replicas

Nissan
Never In Synch Screeching Awful Noises
Needs Imminent Salvage So Abandon Now

Oldsmobile
Oh Look, Dammit, Some Massive Oil Burning Idiot's Leaking Everything
Old Loose Dented Sheet Metal Outdated By Infamies Like Edsel
Old Ladies Driving Slow making Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everyday

Plymouth
Please Let Your Mother Out Under The Hood!

Pontiac
Poor Old Nitwit Thinks Its A Cadilliac

Porsche
Puts Out Really Smoky Carbonate Hazardous Emissions
Phased Out Racer-Still Can't Hold Engine
Please Overlook Really Smutty Cardboard Horrible Engine
Pulled Over Regularly So Cops Have Enough

Rabbit
Replace A Beetle? Boy, It Tried
Racy? Ain't! Bouncy, Bad Itty-bitty Toy!

Renault
Retarded Engine, No Acceleration, Ugly Lump of Trash

Saab
Swedish Automobile - Always Broken

Toyota
Taking Our Yen Out -- Thanks All
Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto

Triumph
The Risk Involving Useless Machinery Pays Heavily
Trembling Ride, Intrusive Undercarriage, Meekly Powered Hotrod

Vanagon
Via Another Name: A Go-cart On Nerve

Volkswagen
Vehicle Owner's List: Kite String, Wire, Aluminum, Gum, Engine (NOT!)

VW
Very Worthless