Ditto I'm gonna go cry now

 

You're on the money with that one, dude!

I remember being in my early twenties and working at Target during college. Let's just say that "procuring" what you wanted from the naive little 17-year-old high school girls was like shooting fish in a barrel!

If you're a dad, and your daughter brings home the nice college boy she met at work, assume the guy is "laying serious pipe" on your little girl while you're away at work -- no matter how nice she might be!

 

As previously stated, I only have boys. But my buddy was telling me that his 13 year old daughter wants to date. I asked him when he was going to draw the line. He said he does trust her, but he also said " When a boy shows up at my house to pick her up, and he's got the same look in his eyes that I had when I picked up my wife while we were dating, I'm going to shoot him."

 

Matt you wanna kill him or me?

 

Hey -- don't shoot the messenger! I'm not saying, I'm just saying!

 

Apparently the use of the Force to choke you didnt work....

commencing plan B.

 

Who's closer?

 

Vader, you hit this on the head. I've got 2 boys and I thank God everyday for every fight, flying Hot Wheels car, tortured cat story I get from them.

I'd rather hear that then have to meet the kid that was FULLY planning on feeling up my hypothetical daughter.

I am man... hear me roar!!!!!!!!

 

I think I've worked up a plane for these boys.

When they start coming around.... hanging out at the house etc etc.
First time they show up I will meet him, shake his hand, then take him to my target range I have set up next to my house. We'll plink with some .22's for a while and chat. At some point during this bonding and time for mutal agreement. I'll put my arm around him, and say something similar to ddellwo dad's back to prison line, except slightly modified.

I will say,
"Son, I don't know you very well, and you don't know me yet. But I know I love that little girl in there with every drop of my heart." (At this point I will reach down as to cop a feel of is chest and with a sick twisted creepy smile continue with.) Don't do anything with her that you don't want me to do to you." (Then with a wink ask) "Do we understand each other?" (wink again)

 

then they get to fill out the application....

Application to Date MY Daughter.
Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage and medical report from your doctor.

Name:________________________ Nickname/Alias:___________________
Date Of Birth:____/____/____ height:______ Weight:______ I.Q.:______
G.P.A.:________ Soc. Sec.#______-___-_______
Driver's License#____________________
Boy Scout Rank:_____________Good Standing: Yes_____No_____
Home Address:_______________________________
City/State/Zip_____________________________
Home Phone#: (___)___________ Car Phone#:_______________ Pager#:__________
Do you own
a. Van?____
b. Truck with oversized tires?____
c. Car with a trunk full of speakers?_____

Do you have any of the following:
a. An earring_____
b. nose ring______
c. belly button ring_____
or piercings on any other body parts_____
Explain:__________________________________________ ___________
Tattoo?______

(If you answered YES to any of the above questions, discontinue and leave the premises immediately.)

In 30 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you? __________________________________________________ ______________

In 30 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? __________________________________________________ ______________

Church you attend_____________________ How often______________________
Best time to interview your pastor?_______________________

Fill In The Blank. Please answer freely, all answers will be confidential.
a. If I were beaten, the last bone I want to be broken broken is: __________________________________________________ __
b. The one thing I hope this application does not ask me is __________________________________________________ __
c. Now answer the question you filled in on B __________________________________________________ __

NOTE: If you have answered any of the previous questions dishonestly (and I will find out), discontinue application. It is advised that you leave the premises quickly keeping your head low and running in serpentine fashion.

I swear that all information provided above is true and correct to the best of my knowledge under penalty of death, dismemberment, electrocution, and/or hot pokers.

_____________________________
Signature (This means sign your name)

Thank you for your interest. Please allow 4 - 6 YEARS for processing. If your application is approved, you will be contacted in writing. Please do not call or write, this could cause you unexpected injury.

If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two men wearing white ties and answering to the names GUIDO and LOUIE.

 

If it is some how accepted...Then they will be presented with the rules and guidelines



Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In order to assure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric staple gun and fasten your trousers securely in place around your waist.

Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I WILL kill you.

Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make YOU cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process which can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places lacking parents, policemen, or nuns. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her chin. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay. Hockey games are okay.

If you agree to these terms please write your full name as it appears on you birth certificate, then sign and date the line below that.

By signing I _______________ agree to obey the rules to the letter as stated above while courting PSS-Mag's daughter. If for any reason I break any of these rules, I understand that this my result in my forfieture of my priveldge to continue breathing. If you are under 18 I will need your parent or guardians signiture as well


X________________________________________________
Print


X___________________________ X______________
Sign Date

X___________________________ X______________
Parent/Guardians Signature Date

 

That one's gonna' back fire on you when the answer is "Pregnancy Scare"

 

Did you really think you could sneak that past me?? Sheesh! Bend over and take your punishment like a man!

 

You guys ain't got nothing. I have 3 sisters, no brothers. My dad lived through 4 teenage girls in his house with one (yes, that's ONE bathroom!!!) He's still alive to tell about it!

 

Sorry, congrats on the imminent arrival of your son. I have 2 boys, both grown now, they are the light of my life. Enjoy every moment with your children whether they are girls or boys.

A pale blue would look nice with the red accessories, a light yellow would work too but you may not want that in a boys room.