(Note . . . This is going to be long as I'm in transit and bored. There are some general questions (Jamzwayne, you can help with those, but I'd like to see everyone's input) . . . and I ask a favor of PSS-Mag and Raoul (although any of you can act if you feel so inclined).

It's now my turn to ask a couple of questions regarding life, the nature of the universe, etiquette with regard to public beatings, sleeping, and also . . . to ask a favor.

As I type this I am, oh I don't know, about 32,000 feet in the air over some godforsaken desert with nothing but the ugliness of brown stretching in every direction below me.

I was up really late doing laundry and last minute ironing and packing, so i got very little sleep before having to leave early for the airport.

After arriving and checking in my luggage (thank God the insanely stupid question "Sir, did someone place anything in your luggage that you're not aware of?" was not asked . . . honestly, I don't think I could have taken that) I went to the lounge and found a nice quiet place to sit, devoid of other humans, a place where I could have some coffee (to stay awake), listen to my iPod, check my email and the web, and generally relax until it was time to board the plane.

Nice. Quiet. Alone.

That is until this guy strolls up, and "sits" in a chair across from me.

The Dude is kind of goth-y looking, shaven head, tattoos, black leather jacket (with a lot of silver studs and chains) (not sure how that got thru x-ray and metal detectors without setting off a 10 alarm alert), black jeans, hiking boots, and a big duffle. He just sort of throws everything around the chair and flops into the chair in one big, environment disturbing motion.

And here's the main reason why I'm writing. Within two minutes he is sound asleep and snoring like you wouldn't believe.

I was craving sleep. I had hardly had any last night. I couldn't sleep now if I wanted to, and this guy is taunting me and snoring!!!!! And unless I crank up the volume on my iPod I can still hear him.

(Nothing helps a story like visuals. I found him so odd (and disturbing) that I took a pic of him however it didn't come out all that well as it was too bright in the background creating a silhouette in the foreground. I'm gonna try to open it up a bit in Photoshop while on the plane).

So here's my first question(s), and Jamzwayne you're probably the one who will know the answer to this. Would I have been well within my rights to just smack him across the head, wake him up, and tell him to stop snoring? Would that be a "bitch-slap"? (What is a bitch-slap?) If slapping the dude is too rude (hey, that's rhymes!), would putting my use Splenda™ wrappers in his open mouth (to stop his snoring and hopefully stop his breathing) have been acceptable or unacceptable?

As it was, all I ended up doing was moving to a different section of the lounge.

And on top of all this . . . the dude sitting next to me on the plane just nodded off and is snoring himself! If this doesn't stop soon I'm going to "nudge" him so he wakes up.

People falling asleep all around me when I can't is totally UNACCEPTABLE!!!

 

Somewhere over Nebraska (I think - I don't know - it all looks the same from here. I see cool patterns of green and brown and I imagine there's cows down there, somewhere).

My flight connects in Chicago where I get to wait for something like two and a half hours . . . FUN! When I get there they have internet access so I will upload all this. The pilot just mumbled something about our arrival time and the weather . . . it sounded like this . . .

"Ladies and gentlemen, sdkjf wti dkae askv a alskd aslkas CHICAGO aklsdj gdfio fg;klgjrt ogfij trjm bnisl;j g;sijgf, EARLY (ears perk up) wkbg bgnkrsg cvbijdgr dbdfghidb glkg dflild blkjdf HAZY jlkfgh r fbn dfgoijfg dfoij 55 DEGREES ojroij fdgjoi oijdo."

For all I know he could have said:

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your Captain speaking. Just wanted to let you know that unfortunately we're never going to make it to CHICAGO. Those of you on the right side of the aircraft may have noticed that our engine fell off and that the wing is disintegrating, so death is going to be coming EARLY for all of us. I'm not sure what happens to you when you die as I'm a bit HAZY on the whole death experience thing, but if it's any comfort, latest weather reports inform us that it's 55 DEGREES where we'll be crashing. Thanks for flying American Airlines. We know you have a choice regarding which airline you crash in, and we thank you for choosing American."

. . . and as the plane crashes, the cows in the fields (of Nebraska, or Kansas, or Iowa, or wherever the hell it is we are) react not.


So, as I sit on the plane, overlooking amber waves of grain (more like green fields of corn but that didn't sound as good in the song) I have just finished touching up the pic of the snoring guy at LAX. Now, as the past fews years have ripped by me, I have become more and more disillusioned about, and tired of, technology . . . however, there are some things I dig, such as being able to do graphics work on a laptop with a tiny Wacom tablet to boot! Imagine, sitting in an airplane and being able do do that kind of stuff . . . so cool. And if you're an attention ***** like myself (because it's all about me, right?) if you want to grab the attention of some hot babe near by and the attention of good looking stewardesses . . . open up your Powerbook, take out you Wacom tablet, and play in Photoshop while in flight. Guaranteed conversation starter, impresses chicks no end, and it's just fun to do. (Unfortunately I have Jackie Gleason's clone sitting next to me. But Pam, our stewardess dug it.)

Anyway, I was able to open up the pic a bit of snoring guy. Feel free to print it out and then use it as a dart board. He's hard to see so I outlined him in yellow (left side of pic). If three's anything to the voodoo ritual, he won't be snoring much anymore.

 

Anyway, on to the main point of this thread . . .

I'm gonna be gone for a while and so I need to ask a favor. I'm gonna need to ask someone to fill in for Kobi™, and although this is without notice being all last minute and stuff - and I apologize for that - I still have to ask.

So I'm asking Matt (PSS-Mag and Raoul if they can fill in for me while I'm away. Matt has demonstrated good common sense, not to mention a liking for answering questions in Just Ak Kobi™ before Kobi™ can get to them (so that covers the common sense thing) Matt also has experience with Photoshop, and as you may have noticed, Kobi™ loves to make visual responses, usually sarcastic, and if Matt feels so inclined he can do that . . . and if totally out of left field, humorous, yet brilliant replies or comments are needed, Raoul is the man!

If anyone asks a question in Just Ask Kobi™ (although unlikely as that thread has been pretty dead for a while) if you guys could answer it, it would be great.

More than that though, it's mostly for general posts where illiteracy might happen to run rampant, or general questions are asked, or general observations are made - (especially if they are just really inane or so bizarre that they can not go by uncommented on) - just throw a Kobi™ like zinger out there.

Someone's gotta keep the kids in line and I dread what this thread could turn into if the madness is allowed to go unchecked while I'm gone.

I know I'm asking a lot of you guys (and you other kids out there . . . if you spot something that you know I'd make a smart-*** remark about, feel free to do so. Maybe, in the process y'all will start to become conscious about spelling and grammar and "stuff" like that. Lord knows I've tried to get you to be mindful of it in the past (to no avail).


Thanx in advance.

Some pointers:

Don't get too hung up on spelling. Kobi™ certainly has his share of typos and spelling errors, and this thread is probably full of 'em. But if someone's spelling or grammar is beyond the pale (cyclone vampire comes to mind) then let 'em have it.

Also, with regard to spelling errors. If someone posts something where a misspelling results in a word that ends up being a real word but seriously inappropriate for the intended subject . . . point it out, jump on it, make fun of it.

Key word here . . . sarcasm. Yeah, I know, it's not nice, but it's the general attitude.

Be verbose (kind of like this thread) . . . expound on things like crazy, and when possible, bring up arcane quotes form history, or examples of history that may illuminate whatever it is that the thread is about. In that vein, reflections on philosophy, especially when completely inappropriate are a wonderful way to answer or address something:

For example, someone starts a thread and says "I picked a bugger out of my nose and it was the size of a Buick!" . . . quaint to be sure . . . and where a simple reply such as "Eeeewwwwwwwwww!" or "T.M.I." would suffice , don't let it. Talk about your childhood and how you had some traumatic experience with regard to nose picking, or quote Kierkegaard if you can figure out some way to do so, or delve into the physics of size . . . you know, that kind of thing.

Slip into the third person tense a lot, use the royal "we" every so often (more often than not. It's obnoxious, it irritates, and that's the point and why it's fun.

Bring up coffee whenever possible. Even if you are not hooked on it like I am, frame your answers as if you were.

Anyway, I'd really appreciate it if you can help out.

Kobi™ (see, third person) will try to make an entry every so often, and will check in from time to time. You kids be good, because if you're not, I'll hop on a plane back and fix things real quick. Don't think I won't do it!

k-

 

Where are you going?

 

man you must be bored....lord that is a long thread.....and yet I read the whole thing....well enjoy your trip....

If you are flying east (sounds like it) when you pass over Maryland I'll be the only idiot in the dark with lights on waxing and claying my sister's car....


Take care....talk to you when you get back....

Remember....Anger, Fear, Agression, the dark side are they...once you start down that path forever will it dominate your destiny... (this kinda answers your question about slapping the guy. Figured I'd give you my .02)

May the Force be with you.......Always...

Jim....aka Vader

 

I might as well get started...
Kobi's unit has been activated.
It seemed impossible to imagine a little over two short years ago.
You see, Kobiashi is a Colonel in the Salvation Army.
All Active, Reserve and National Guard units have been committed and now the Defense department has called upon the Salvation Army to fill the void.

There will be no one manning the kettles at the malls this Christmas because our national bell ringers will be 'Over There'.

I am concerned about this deployment because his unit does not have desert camouflage uniforms, only the Bright Red ones. Also, they have no body armor although some did take their kettles with them.

God Speed Col Kobiashi.

 

kobi--------





are you ok?








you seem to have a disturbing pattern starting to happen here

but if i was you


i'd probably be rambling on also if i forgot my medication....



if i had any....


hmmmmmm
...zap!

 

i am in a lottery pool at work (which i am almost certain to never hit, but hey, 'a dollar and a dream' keeps me going).

i have often joked that if i hit, i would buy a home in the middle of nowhere (like maybe by the st. lawerence river in new york state near the canadian border).

the neighbors would see me once when i pulled into the driveway, and that would be it. i would then probably **** away the rest of my fortune (on very expensive lawyers) trying to fight the government, be it local or federal, to not have an address of any sort.

i believe there is some mathmatical relationship between my increase in years, and my dwindling tolerance for others, though i am yet to figure it out exactly.

i think a 'bitch slap' is unacceptable as it was your hang up, and not 'the dudes', but hey, thats just me, and i could be wrong. i would have moved away also, but it would have been to the bar (which i know you wouldnt do).

i look forward to seeing your posts here again, though i think raoul can fill in nicely for awhile while you are gone (if he so chooses).

from 35,000 feet does the fall foliage on the east coast look as nice from the air as it does from the ground?

 

Good luck Col Kobi, we will miss you! Now can someone help me figure out what to do with this big **** dingleberry....its bigger than my truck.

 

Kobi™ must be high. I don't mean as in high in the air in a plane. I can not recall at any point that anyone has ever used the words "good common sense" in association with my name before. LOL

The way air traffic is routed even if you are heading east, then you still might end up over me. I just bought a new toy and am getting ready to go play with it.



A 3600º weed torching, flame throwing, ice melting (although may not need that one for a few weeks), paint peeling, industrial shrink-wrap melting, Pyro obsessed persons fantasy device. Weeds in my ditch and every where else on my property that I previously could not maintain due to terrain, are now trembling with fear. As you can tell by the tree's in the background fall is well under way and dry leaves are abundant. There is an overly high probability that 1000's of acres of Ozark Mountain countryside could be in grave danger of a wild fire before it's all said and done. Yet I'm going to light it anyway. How’s that for "good common sense?" LOL Knowing better and doing better are sometimes two different things.

Despite what the TV networks use to try and tell people, they claimed, "Knowledge is Power". Well they were wrong. Knowledge is not Power! The implementation of knowledge is power!

Anyway if you find your flight over a huge scorched area of land that is what is left of Missouri and Arkansas when I get thru. In the epicenter of the whole thing you might see a guy standing in the middle of the char with a torch in his hands, shrugging his shoulders, wondering if his home owners insurance is going to cover this or not. That would be me! Please open your window and toss me a glass of water. Thanks I'd appreciate it.

Don't worry about "Just Ask Kobi™" Though my answers will never be as eloquent, witty, and intelligent as the actual "Ask Kobi's". I must admit I am reluctant and nervous about even attempting to fill those Clark's Wallabees.
I am honored by the request and I will do my best to address anything to the best of my abilities in as close to true Kobi fashion as I possibly can if the situation arises.

Have fun on your trip and we'll take care of everything while your gone. Hurry back ASAP, hope you share more of your adventures.

 

should we call in the forest fire fighting helicopters now



before you burn down the ozarks?

...zap!

 

The story of my life. I got home in time for some trick-or-treating with my daughter on Monday night. Had medical and dental appointments all week - couldn't turn around without someone poking something foreign in me. I packed again today for another trip early Mon morning. Don't usually pack so far in advance, but I pretty much hope to lounge around and drink too much tomorrow, so I figured today might be a better plan.

Don't know where you're headed to or how long you'll be there. Best wishes, regardless....

 

Naw let it burn, it'll come back greener next year if it does. LOL

These poor Katrina refugees will be like WTF? First I am flooded out of my home, now I am burned out by a wild fire? What's next a toronado?

Actually I didn't get to burn, I was using my gas grill bottle, I barely got it lit when it ran out of propane. Went to town to get some more and time I got back, a really bad bad storm came up and suddenly we were under a toronado warning, now down to a toronado watch but it is dark.
Maybe tomarrow if my house isn't blown away. Reality, I'd probably burn those pesky weeds even if my house is blowed down. But now the ground is wet so will be much safer. If you belive in fate then maybe there was a plan for me to run out of propane exactly when I did, then for it to start raining unforcasted and rather unexpectedly out of no where just as I was pulling onto my road and not stop till after dark, so I couldn't burn today when it was dry. Somebody up above might be looking out for the Ozarks.

 

Well Kobi, I don't know where your final destination is or how long you'll be away but I'll miss you here. This place just won't be the same without your always witty and mostly sarcastic comebacks. You unfailingly make me laugh! I know you have appointed capable people in your stead and I have no doubts that Matt and Raoul are up to the job but I'll miss the real you. I hope your trip is safe, relatively uneventful and happy, hurry back to us as soon as you can.

We'll leave the light on for you!

Christmas is coming!!

 

Christmas is coming!!























can you type that?


...zap!