Wild Jamaican Sex Sandals!

A married couple was on holiday in Jamaica. They were touring around the
market place looking at the goods and such when they passed this small
sandal shop. From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent
say, "You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop!"

So the married couple walked in.

The Jamaican said to them, "I have some special sandals I think you would
be interested in. Dey make you wild at sex."

Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex God he was.

The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sexfreak?"

The Jamaican replied, "Just try dem on, Man."

Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in, and tried them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes... something
his wife hadn't seen in many years!!

In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the
Jamaican's hips.

The Jamaican then began screaming, "YOU GOT DEM ON DE WRONG FEET!!! YOU GOT
DEM ON DE WRONG FEET!!!"

 

George Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war. After his
talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and
George asks him what is his name?


"Billy", responds the little boy. "And what is your question, Billy?"


**"I have 3 questions. First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the
support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more
votes? And third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?"


Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies
that they will continue after recess. When they resume George says,
"OK, where were we? Oh that's right - question time. Who has a question?"


Another little boy puts up his hand. George points him out and asks him
what his name is.
"Steve", he responds. "And what is your question, Steve?"

"I have 5 questions. First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the
support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more
votes? Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden? Fourth, why did the
recess bell go off 20 minutes early? And fifth, what the f**k happened
to Billy?"*

 

A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door
of a sex shop. Obviously very unstable on her feet,she wobbles the few
feet across the store to the counter.

Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support,she asks the
sales clerk: "Dddooo youuuu hhhave dddddiilllldosss?"
The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing,replies:

"Yes we do have ******. Actually we carry many different models."
The old woman then asks: "Dddddoooo yyyouuuu ccaarrryy aaa pppinkk
onnee, tttenn inchessss lllong aaandd aabboutt ttwoo inchesss
ththiickk...aaand rrunns by bbaatteries ?
The clerk responds, "Yes we do."

"Ddddooo yyoooouuuu kknnnoooww hhhowww tttooo ttturrrnnn ttthe
ssunoooffabbitch offffff?"

 

here's one of my favs...

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked. "They're mating," her father replied.

"What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked.

"That's a Daddy Longlegs." Her father answered.

"So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked.

"No," her father replied. "Both of them are Daddy Longlegs."

The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat.

"Well, that might be OK in California, BUT we're not having any of that crap in Texas"

 

Great laughs guys!!