THE 2004 DARWIN AWARDS

Yes, these are all true. They are finally out again. It's an annual

honor given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by

killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way.

A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died

of suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6' 2" tall and

weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and

white saddle shoes and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to

create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas

mask that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in

its place. The other end was inserted into his rectum for reasons

unknown, and was the cause of his suffocation. Police found the task of

explaining the circumstances of his death to his family very awkward.

(Damn it...I want pictures!!!)

- A 22-year-old, Glade Drive, Reston, VA, man was found dead after he

tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70 foot railroad

trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker,

taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped one end around one foot,

anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and

hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said

investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby.

"The length of the cord that he assembled was greater than the distance

between the trestle and the ground," Carmichael said. Police say the

apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."

- Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell

of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building,

extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc.

After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas

company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had

difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the

lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the

technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that

resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like

object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to

three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter

was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of

causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers.

...AND THE WINNER OF THE 2004 DARWIN AWARD SHOULD BE....

Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt Sanchez

tried to wash his own "*****" in a ball washer at the local golf course.

Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez

managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his ******* in the

machine. Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by

spinning the crank on the machine with Sanchez's ******* in place, thus

wedging them solidly in the mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed

his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch.

Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the ball washer was more than a

foot higher off the ground than his ********* are in a normal stance,

and the ******* was the weakest link. Sanchez's ******* was ripped open

during the fall, and one ******** was plucked from him forever and

remained in the washer, while the other ******** was compressed and

flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer, and the

rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a new

$300 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop, and was using

to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for surgery, and

the remaining threesome were asked to leave the course.

NOTE: This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot didn't

die. But because he cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying act

of stupidity, we have allowed it.

 

ROLFLMAO!!!!!

 

oww my nuts hurt......

 

I agree.


BUT....WTF was the deal with the first guy?

 

ROFLMAO!!!


"Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot."

 

It should say, "it's an honor given to the person who did the gene pool the bigest service by removing themselves from it in the most extraordinaly stupid way." (since the winner didn't die, but was able to remove himself from the gene pool)

 

I always love those...