Folks,


I am writing a paper for Government IT, while doing some research, one of team found this document Index - contents where missing, but do you have any ideas??

Subject Areas (in brief)

•Total responsive help-desk
•Quality-focused scalable process improvement
•Standalone scalable moratorium
•Assimilated methodical solution
•Synchronised bottom-line business partner
•Fundamental zero defect business partner
•Horizontal optimizing attitude
•Object-based systematic GUI
•Advanced 3rd generation knowledge user
•Grass-roots empowering paradigm
•Integrated transitional synergy
•Profit-focused discrete flexibility
•Standalone client driven synergy
•Organic modular matrix
•Proactive human-resource definition
•Progressive incremental projection
•Decentralized composite conglomeration
•Progressive solution-oriented installation
•Quality-focused stable parallelism
•Assimilated cohesive matrix
•Digitized homogeneous methodology
•Enterprise-wide discrete product


WTF.!!!

 

I don't know squat about IT, but.......
Having been involved in a manufacturing, distribution, marketing organization over many years it sort of looks like the geek speak layout for an all encompassing, integrated IT program for "any company" that would handle every facet of that companies needs.

I have seen more than one of these proposals, properly translated into marketing speak, presented to various Boards of Directors. To the best of my knowledge, none of them ever worked as advertised. The geeks can get it right on their end, which is pure theory and based most likely on classic business models.

The executors, the users, almost always screw it up either on purpose because they have their own agendas or because they simply cannot understand how to use the technology. Of course, the geeks have their problems too because these things are usually developed in a "laboratory" setting and they rarely go out in the real world so see how what they are developing will interface with life as it really functions. People and IT really don't work all that well together in real life.

BTW, I use the word geek in the fondest sense. Some of my best friends are geeks.
Bill

 

man i bet u had fun typin them words out.... someone find me a 2nd grader i wanna hear him pronounce these titles lol

 

Looks like someone was playing 'buzzword bingo' when writing that..

 

My wife's area at work just posted this corporate jargon:

(feel free to skip to the bottom if the verbage tends to put you to sleep.)

Job Description:

RESPONSIBILITIES: In close coordination with other sourcing initiatives, lead and/or participate in strategic sourcing projects supporting the Operations, Technology and eCommerce division. Analyze internal business and technical requirements, external supplier markets and supply chain strategies. Lead vendor/source selection processes. Develop and apply a strong understanding of each business partner’s business, technical and financial goals to develop balanced sourcing solutions. Assess and facilitate in-sourcing and outsourcing options for product and service solutions. Orchestrate opportunities for additional value creation, costs savings, risk mitigation and operational efficiencies for each project managed. Develop a relationship with key management at all levels to apply business objectives to each sourcing initiative. Maintain a strong working knowledge of the Strategic Sourcing processes including interdependencies with key corporate functions such as Corporate Legal, Risk Management, Vendor Risk Management, Corporate Accounting, Procurement, Corporate Information Security and others. Achieve target cost savings through effective competitive bid processes and strong negotiations. Incorporate broad corporate strategies into sourcing initiatives including Supplier Diversity, Vendor Risk Management, regulatory compliance and others. Manage complete contract design, approval and execution process for each sourcing initiative. Champion organizational change and develop techniques to assist with change management implications through sourcing selection processes. Balance strong facilitation and sourcing project management with changing project dynamics. Exhibit the ability to see interdependencies across the enterprise and leverage that broad view to the company’s advantage. KEY SKILLS: Excellent leadership and communication skills with a proven ability to influence and direct diverse teams to enable comprehensive sourcing initiatives. Ability to manage quantitative analysis to enable strategic sourcing direction, facilitate economic trend analysis, total cost modeling, operational risk analysis and target costing. Demonstrate specific negotiation techniques. Project management and relationship
management experience. Experience with contracts and contract law. Specific Strategic Sourcing experience with technology-based international or outsourced relationships and/or software product and service selection desired.

I asked for a synopsis, here's what I got:

We are looking for someone to match our internal business units with external vendors that supply needed tools both in-sourced and out-sourced for the services we provide, then negotiate the contracts with these vendors.

I guess for a stated salary range of 90 to 145 G's you have to put it into corporate double-speak lingo or you might get some riff-raff applying.

 

Random phrase generation. You change the words to fit the industry. We used to get fancy and include phrases per sentence and sentences per paragraph. I used to work for Uncle Sugar and it was amazing how authentic some of the output seemed.