> Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.

> When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

> If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

> Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.

> A penny saved is a government oversight.

> The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

> If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.

> If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

> The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

> Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "Theirs"?