Beer, Conservatives, and liberals.......
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From: Warner Robins, Ga, CSA
Beer, Conservatives, and liberals.......
How BEER divided us into Liberals and Conservatives
The division of the human family into two distinct political groups began some 12,000 years ago. Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains in the summer and would go to the beach and live on fish and lobster in winter. The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer.
These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into the distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery.
That's how villages were formed. Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement. Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men eventually allowed women into their group. Then, the women required them to get in touch with their feelings (their feminine side) and most liberal men evolved into 'girliemen'. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the establishment of philosophy as an academic field, the invention of group therapy and group hugs, and, the concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals were symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like some imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, college professors, Hollywood actors/producers/directors and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives primarily drink domestic beer, with the exception being Guinness Stout. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, surgeons, police officers, pilots, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes and generally anyone who works productively outside government are conservatives. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living. Liberals produce little or nothing but like to "govern" the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. The liberals crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history on how beer separated the liberals from the conservatives.
Dan
The division of the human family into two distinct political groups began some 12,000 years ago. Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains in the summer and would go to the beach and live on fish and lobster in winter. The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer.
These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into the distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery.
That's how villages were formed. Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement. Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men eventually allowed women into their group. Then, the women required them to get in touch with their feelings (their feminine side) and most liberal men evolved into 'girliemen'. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the establishment of philosophy as an academic field, the invention of group therapy and group hugs, and, the concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals were symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like some imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, college professors, Hollywood actors/producers/directors and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives primarily drink domestic beer, with the exception being Guinness Stout. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, surgeons, police officers, pilots, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes and generally anyone who works productively outside government are conservatives. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living. Liberals produce little or nothing but like to "govern" the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. The liberals crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history on how beer separated the liberals from the conservatives.
Dan
