A funny from Down under
Thread Starter
|
Junior Member
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 5
Likes: 0
A funny from Down under
This was on Ebay , its the funniest thing i have read lately.
You may have to read it twice
Winning bid: AU $581.00 (Approximately US $451.61)
Ended: Nov-29-04 02:54:24 PST
Start time: Nov-22-04 02:54:24 PST
History: 26 bids (AU $1.00 starting bid)
Winning bidder: feral-foes ( 37)
Item location: Bungendore, New South Wales
Australia
Description (revised)
Item Specifics - Automobiles
Manufacturer: Nissan Number of Previous Owners: --
Model: -- Registration Number: NBA447
Type: Commercial Vehicle Kilometres: 510000
Doors: 2 Engine Size (cc): 1.8 litre
Date of Manufacture: 1984 Inspection Certificate Expiration Date: Sep 2005
Date of 1st Registration: -- Warranty Information (Months Remaining): --
Color: Brown Transmission: Manual
Metallic Paint: -- Fuel: Petrol/Gas
Right-hand drive/Left-hand drive: Right-Hand Drive Is Import: --
Hi guys,
Those amongst you suffering a lengthy history of non-violent mental illness are likely to find this vehicle appealing; or should I say appalling. It's a 1984 Nissan 720 and it's in a crap state. Nissan, in a stroke of genius, solved the problem of oversupply in the Mission Brown house paint market sector in 1984 by splashing it down the sides of these babies. I believe these vehicles were sent to Australia as payback for the mistreatment of Japanese prisoners in WWII.
Unless I indicate otherwise, assume it has been abused, broken, smashed, stolen or just gone. It has too many modifications to the bodywork for me to list here. Those modification were engineered with meticulous precision via the toe of my size 11 Blundstones when the fornicating illegitimate wouldn't start on a freezing -8 degree morning last winter. Although kicking the shinola out of it didn't get it started, I felt pretty damn good afterwards. You can imagine that I nearly burst with pride when I found my 4 year old son using the bonnet and roof as a trampoline. But the little feller and I can't take all of the credit. My mate, Tony over the Road, from whom I purchased this mighty tub of crap, did some exceptionally fine heel work on the dash when it wouldn't fire for him. He is a true artist with the boot. The guy that lumbered Tony with this, Joe, actually bought this female dog brand new in 1984. His daughter, a lovely lass, has told me that the memory of this pox box pulling into her driveway, all shiny new, has scarred her for life. Therapy is continuing, but the prognosis ain't good.
Ok, here's what works - it starts, it runs, it runs on LPG, but doesn't run on petrol. 100 litre LPG tank in tray area. The mechanical fuel pump has been removed; I assume it got an electric one in the petrol tank when the LPG was installed. I stuffed around with it but couldn't get it going (nothing new for me), although I think it's all there. It got a brand new gas converter ($300) after it was identified as the cause of the infamous winter panel kicking incident. It's got a 5 speed box, clutch feels good, the brakes pull up really well, has only extremely light surface rust (it's lived in a little town just outside Canberra all its life). It has the factory sun roof (no BS, it was the Rolls Royce of uteruses when new!) and the back window has sliding sections (some dude told me that the window alone is worth $600 at a wreckers, but then I do recall he was married to his sister). It's got a heavy duty Hayman Reece towbar and is set up for electric trailer brakes. It's got a crappy steel bullbar and spotties that actually work. It's got the builder's racks you can see in the photo. I'm told both top and bottom ends have been reconditioned at some stage, but I don't know any more than that. I've got a workshop manual for it and some bits and pieces. THIS BABY'S GOT 10 MONTHS REGO AND IS ROADWORTHY TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE, SO HELP ME GOD, GOD SAVE THE QUEEN, GOD BLESS AMERICA ETC.
Like I said, assume it don't work unless I've listed it above, but these things in particular really give me the $#!]$ - temperature gauge in dash doesn't work most of the time (it's got one on the gas converter that does work), I think the ventilation system is stuck on heat (I couldn't be bothered trying to fix it), I put a $40 CD player in it and it almost worked for a whole before it died - hey, who woulda thought? It's got more rattles than the maternity ward of Royal North Shore Hospital. The gas gauge in the cabin doesn't work, although there is one on the cylinder. The handle is missing off the tailgate, although it comes with a genuine Stanley brand flat blade screwdriver to open it - sorry, no we've run out of steak knives. It's got a couple of leaking hoses in the cooling system which have just started pissing coolant everywhere - a free bottle of coolant comes with every ute sold! I've had a gut full of fixing this mongrel all the time, and the leaking hoses were the last straw. Wifey has also refused to tow me home and spent $11,000 on a new car just to make her point. I’m selling her on Ebay next.
I was going to cash in the rego and perform some act of drunken reckless stupidity with this &^%$er as a final good riddance (a Viking Funeral, set the bastard alight and push it off the jetty at Batemans Bay), but I thought I'd throw it on here for a laugh.
Don't bother bidding unless you have a fetish for breaking down in the middle of nowhere, skinned knuckles and the excessive use of profanity.
C'mon you sicko's - I know you're out there. There's no reserve or other BS. Let me know if you want me to take out the empty beers bottles.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On 23-Nov-04 at 18:26:44 AEDST, seller added the following information:
PUNTERS - I'M WORRIED THAT PEOPLE WANT THIS THING. I HAD A LOOK AT THE PHOTOS AND IT DOESN'T LOOK TOO BAD BUT IT IS! I'LL TRY TO PUT A COUPLE MORE PHOTOS ON. IF YOU WANNA PULL OUT NOW, COOL WITH ME.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On 23-Nov-04 at 18:45:49 AEDST, seller added the following information:
Looks like I can't add any more photos. Sorry guys, dunno why not. If you're keen to **** your money up on this crap, let me know and i'll flick ya the pics.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On 27-Nov-04 at 21:05:23 AEDST, seller added the following information:
DEAREST PUNTERS - YOU MUST READ THIS -PLEASE DON'T BID TOO MUCH MORE THAN IT IS NOW (ABOUT $560). FOR THAT MONEY, YOU CAN CASH IN REGO, FLOG IT TO A WRECKER AND YOU'LL STILL COME OUT IN FRONT. IF YOU BID ANY MORE THAN THIS YOU'RE GUNNA BE SORRY. I ALREADY FEEL LIKE A LOW-LIFE BASTARD FOR PALMING THIS BROWN AND YELLOW TURD ONTO SOME POOR *****, SO PLEASE DON'T MAKE IT ANY WORSE. EVEN A ****** LIKE ME HAS GOTTA SLEEP AT NIGHT. IT IS UNRELIABLE, AND THERE IS EVERY CHANCE YOU WILL BREAK DOWN ON THE WAY HOME AND DIE STRANDED IN THE MIDDLE OF A GOD FORSAKEN TOWN CALLED TARAGO. PLEASE, I'M NOT FUNNIN' WITH YA NOW - NOT TOO MUCH MORE $$$$ - I WILL BEG IF I HAVE TO. jonesy PS THANKS TO ALL YOU DESPERATE BASTARDS THAT SENT ME MESSAGES, BUT I THINK I CAN HEAR THE SOUND OF WIFEY PACKING HER BAGS. I HOPE SHE DOESN'T TAKE THE DOG; I'D SURE MISS THE LITTLE FELLER.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Questions from other buyers
Q: Hi. How much much would the postage be to send it to the UK? Can you send it airmail? Cheers answered on: Nov-28-04
A: I can smash the POS into small pieces and send a little bit to you in an envelope every day if ya like. Where in the UK are ya? I'd gladly swap the old...more
Q: You indicted that the wifey was going next how many KM, original paint? any modifications, other than factory authorized, applied. answered on: Nov-28-04
A: Same condition as the ute I'm afraid mate. Done to many miles, springs have sagged, too old and, although never abused, she has certainly been well used...more
Q: What sort of person is Tony the fella that sold you the car? Surely he needs a kickin' as much as the car does? answered on: Nov-28-04
A: I insisted on buying the thing off him against his very best protestations - but after a carton of **** he became weak and gave in. (Is that where the...more
Q: I'm deeply uninterested in the truck. I have a motorcycle that makes your truck look like a ferrari. However i Was wondering if the wife was going up...more answered on: Nov-28-04
A: Off switch? I'd just be happy with a volume ****. mate, this one doesn't talk in her sleep, she nags!
Q: burn that heap of junk it's a **** box it's ****ed answered on: Nov-27-04
A: Tammy - Now that's no way for a lady to speak - shame on you. You are a disgusting potty mouth and I don't want to see that sort of fuggin language used...more
You may have to read it twice
Winning bid: AU $581.00 (Approximately US $451.61)
Ended: Nov-29-04 02:54:24 PST
Start time: Nov-22-04 02:54:24 PST
History: 26 bids (AU $1.00 starting bid)
Winning bidder: feral-foes ( 37)
Item location: Bungendore, New South Wales
Australia
Description (revised)
Item Specifics - Automobiles
Manufacturer: Nissan Number of Previous Owners: --
Model: -- Registration Number: NBA447
Type: Commercial Vehicle Kilometres: 510000
Doors: 2 Engine Size (cc): 1.8 litre
Date of Manufacture: 1984 Inspection Certificate Expiration Date: Sep 2005
Date of 1st Registration: -- Warranty Information (Months Remaining): --
Color: Brown Transmission: Manual
Metallic Paint: -- Fuel: Petrol/Gas
Right-hand drive/Left-hand drive: Right-Hand Drive Is Import: --
Hi guys,
Those amongst you suffering a lengthy history of non-violent mental illness are likely to find this vehicle appealing; or should I say appalling. It's a 1984 Nissan 720 and it's in a crap state. Nissan, in a stroke of genius, solved the problem of oversupply in the Mission Brown house paint market sector in 1984 by splashing it down the sides of these babies. I believe these vehicles were sent to Australia as payback for the mistreatment of Japanese prisoners in WWII.
Unless I indicate otherwise, assume it has been abused, broken, smashed, stolen or just gone. It has too many modifications to the bodywork for me to list here. Those modification were engineered with meticulous precision via the toe of my size 11 Blundstones when the fornicating illegitimate wouldn't start on a freezing -8 degree morning last winter. Although kicking the shinola out of it didn't get it started, I felt pretty damn good afterwards. You can imagine that I nearly burst with pride when I found my 4 year old son using the bonnet and roof as a trampoline. But the little feller and I can't take all of the credit. My mate, Tony over the Road, from whom I purchased this mighty tub of crap, did some exceptionally fine heel work on the dash when it wouldn't fire for him. He is a true artist with the boot. The guy that lumbered Tony with this, Joe, actually bought this female dog brand new in 1984. His daughter, a lovely lass, has told me that the memory of this pox box pulling into her driveway, all shiny new, has scarred her for life. Therapy is continuing, but the prognosis ain't good.
Ok, here's what works - it starts, it runs, it runs on LPG, but doesn't run on petrol. 100 litre LPG tank in tray area. The mechanical fuel pump has been removed; I assume it got an electric one in the petrol tank when the LPG was installed. I stuffed around with it but couldn't get it going (nothing new for me), although I think it's all there. It got a brand new gas converter ($300) after it was identified as the cause of the infamous winter panel kicking incident. It's got a 5 speed box, clutch feels good, the brakes pull up really well, has only extremely light surface rust (it's lived in a little town just outside Canberra all its life). It has the factory sun roof (no BS, it was the Rolls Royce of uteruses when new!) and the back window has sliding sections (some dude told me that the window alone is worth $600 at a wreckers, but then I do recall he was married to his sister). It's got a heavy duty Hayman Reece towbar and is set up for electric trailer brakes. It's got a crappy steel bullbar and spotties that actually work. It's got the builder's racks you can see in the photo. I'm told both top and bottom ends have been reconditioned at some stage, but I don't know any more than that. I've got a workshop manual for it and some bits and pieces. THIS BABY'S GOT 10 MONTHS REGO AND IS ROADWORTHY TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE, SO HELP ME GOD, GOD SAVE THE QUEEN, GOD BLESS AMERICA ETC.
Like I said, assume it don't work unless I've listed it above, but these things in particular really give me the $#!]$ - temperature gauge in dash doesn't work most of the time (it's got one on the gas converter that does work), I think the ventilation system is stuck on heat (I couldn't be bothered trying to fix it), I put a $40 CD player in it and it almost worked for a whole before it died - hey, who woulda thought? It's got more rattles than the maternity ward of Royal North Shore Hospital. The gas gauge in the cabin doesn't work, although there is one on the cylinder. The handle is missing off the tailgate, although it comes with a genuine Stanley brand flat blade screwdriver to open it - sorry, no we've run out of steak knives. It's got a couple of leaking hoses in the cooling system which have just started pissing coolant everywhere - a free bottle of coolant comes with every ute sold! I've had a gut full of fixing this mongrel all the time, and the leaking hoses were the last straw. Wifey has also refused to tow me home and spent $11,000 on a new car just to make her point. I’m selling her on Ebay next.
I was going to cash in the rego and perform some act of drunken reckless stupidity with this &^%$er as a final good riddance (a Viking Funeral, set the bastard alight and push it off the jetty at Batemans Bay), but I thought I'd throw it on here for a laugh.
Don't bother bidding unless you have a fetish for breaking down in the middle of nowhere, skinned knuckles and the excessive use of profanity.
C'mon you sicko's - I know you're out there. There's no reserve or other BS. Let me know if you want me to take out the empty beers bottles.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On 23-Nov-04 at 18:26:44 AEDST, seller added the following information:
PUNTERS - I'M WORRIED THAT PEOPLE WANT THIS THING. I HAD A LOOK AT THE PHOTOS AND IT DOESN'T LOOK TOO BAD BUT IT IS! I'LL TRY TO PUT A COUPLE MORE PHOTOS ON. IF YOU WANNA PULL OUT NOW, COOL WITH ME.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On 23-Nov-04 at 18:45:49 AEDST, seller added the following information:
Looks like I can't add any more photos. Sorry guys, dunno why not. If you're keen to **** your money up on this crap, let me know and i'll flick ya the pics.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On 27-Nov-04 at 21:05:23 AEDST, seller added the following information:
DEAREST PUNTERS - YOU MUST READ THIS -PLEASE DON'T BID TOO MUCH MORE THAN IT IS NOW (ABOUT $560). FOR THAT MONEY, YOU CAN CASH IN REGO, FLOG IT TO A WRECKER AND YOU'LL STILL COME OUT IN FRONT. IF YOU BID ANY MORE THAN THIS YOU'RE GUNNA BE SORRY. I ALREADY FEEL LIKE A LOW-LIFE BASTARD FOR PALMING THIS BROWN AND YELLOW TURD ONTO SOME POOR *****, SO PLEASE DON'T MAKE IT ANY WORSE. EVEN A ****** LIKE ME HAS GOTTA SLEEP AT NIGHT. IT IS UNRELIABLE, AND THERE IS EVERY CHANCE YOU WILL BREAK DOWN ON THE WAY HOME AND DIE STRANDED IN THE MIDDLE OF A GOD FORSAKEN TOWN CALLED TARAGO. PLEASE, I'M NOT FUNNIN' WITH YA NOW - NOT TOO MUCH MORE $$$$ - I WILL BEG IF I HAVE TO. jonesy PS THANKS TO ALL YOU DESPERATE BASTARDS THAT SENT ME MESSAGES, BUT I THINK I CAN HEAR THE SOUND OF WIFEY PACKING HER BAGS. I HOPE SHE DOESN'T TAKE THE DOG; I'D SURE MISS THE LITTLE FELLER.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Questions from other buyers
Q: Hi. How much much would the postage be to send it to the UK? Can you send it airmail? Cheers answered on: Nov-28-04
A: I can smash the POS into small pieces and send a little bit to you in an envelope every day if ya like. Where in the UK are ya? I'd gladly swap the old...more
Q: You indicted that the wifey was going next how many KM, original paint? any modifications, other than factory authorized, applied. answered on: Nov-28-04
A: Same condition as the ute I'm afraid mate. Done to many miles, springs have sagged, too old and, although never abused, she has certainly been well used...more
Q: What sort of person is Tony the fella that sold you the car? Surely he needs a kickin' as much as the car does? answered on: Nov-28-04
A: I insisted on buying the thing off him against his very best protestations - but after a carton of **** he became weak and gave in. (Is that where the...more
Q: I'm deeply uninterested in the truck. I have a motorcycle that makes your truck look like a ferrari. However i Was wondering if the wife was going up...more answered on: Nov-28-04
A: Off switch? I'd just be happy with a volume ****. mate, this one doesn't talk in her sleep, she nags!
Q: burn that heap of junk it's a **** box it's ****ed answered on: Nov-27-04
A: Tammy - Now that's no way for a lady to speak - shame on you. You are a disgusting potty mouth and I don't want to see that sort of fuggin language used...more
