EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY



Day number 180
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!



Day number 181
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!



Day number 182
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!



THE CAT'S DIARY



DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little
dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am
forced to eat dry cereal.
The only thing that keeps me going is
the hope of escape,
and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional
piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another
houseplant.



DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around
their feet
while they were walking almost succeeded, must
try this at the top
of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and
repulse these vile
oppressors, I once again induced myself to
vomit on their favorite
chair...must try this on their bed.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless
body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable
of, and to try to
strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed
and condescended
about what a good little cat I was... Hmmm. Not

working according to plan.



DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no
good reason I
was chosen for the water torture. This time
however it included a
burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick
minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is
the piece of thumb still
stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their
accomplices. I was
placed in solitary throughout the
event. However, I
could hear the
noise and smell the foul odor of the glass
tubes they call "beer".
More importantly I overheard that my
confinement was due to MY
power of "allergies." Must learn what this is
and how to use it to my advantage.



DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and
maybe snitches.
The dog is routinely released and seems more
than happy to return.
He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the
other hand has got to be
an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am
certain he reports my
every move. Due to his current placement
in the metal
room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is
only a matter of time....

 

Day 775 The Gun i ordered came by Parcel Post and I think i will begin taunting my Captors

 

Day 776:

I have succeeded in escaping my captors, I am free, I am free, thank God I am free. I shall attempt to cross the road and fest on what appears to be a fat juicy field mice. This solid but rough surface must be what my captors call pavement.

It feels a bit warm to my paws but my attention is now focused on the fat juicy field mice dead ahead. OH NO, what the hell is that, my God it appears to be the fellow they call Sport. OH CHIT I think he is attempting to install me as a speed bu……………..

 

Maybe instead of writing in his journal he should have ran away?

 

 

 

that cat diary sounds like Stewie from Family Guy.

 

DUDE...that looks exactly like my cat.

 

Family Guy rocks!!!!!

 

 

HELL YES!!! Thank god for reruns and DVD's. I heard a rumor about a new season of Family Guy going to FOX next spring, any truth in this?

 

Simpsons wont last forever and they srewed themselves on Futurama. They need something to hedge their bets.