some bad jokes
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From: Susquehanna Valley, pa.
some bad jokes
Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married.
The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but
don't start anything."
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food
in here."
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's Not Unusual."
Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly,
"I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed,
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up
and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What?
Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy."
Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mom or my dad, or maybe my older brother Colin or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I'm pretty sure it's Colin.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving that: "You can't have your kayak and heat it too".
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
Two termites walk into a bar. One asked, "Is the bar tender here?"
According to the T V Guide, "The Invisible Man" will not be seen tonight !
The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but
don't start anything."
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food
in here."
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's Not Unusual."
Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly,
"I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed,
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up
and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What?
Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy."
Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mom or my dad, or maybe my older brother Colin or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I'm pretty sure it's Colin.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving that: "You can't have your kayak and heat it too".
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
Two termites walk into a bar. One asked, "Is the bar tender here?"
According to the T V Guide, "The Invisible Man" will not be seen tonight !
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A dyslexic agnostic insomniac ... someone that lays awake at night wondering if there is a doG.
What's the difference between a Hoover and a Harley? ... The location of the dirt bag.
What's the difference between a Hoover and a Harley? ... The location of the dirt bag.
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Senior Member
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 3,115
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From: Winnipeg, Manitoba
These might get me in trouble but, here goes...
How many teamsters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Sixteen, got a problem with that!
Hello? Is this thing on?
How does a teamster start a children's bedtime story?
Once upon a time and a half....
I know your out there I can hear you breathing!
How many teamsters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Sixteen, got a problem with that!
Hello? Is this thing on?
How does a teamster start a children's bedtime story?
Once upon a time and a half....
I know your out there I can hear you breathing!
Senior Member
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 1,045
Likes: 0
From: GEORGIA
Q. Why is a fire truck red?
A. If someone yanked your hose all day long, you'd be red too!
Q. Why is a pool table green?
A. If someone racked your *****, you'd be green too!
Q. Why is Peter Pan green?
A. If someone hit your peter with a pan, you'd be green too!
:santa:
A. If someone yanked your hose all day long, you'd be red too!
Q. Why is a pool table green?
A. If someone racked your *****, you'd be green too!
Q. Why is Peter Pan green?
A. If someone hit your peter with a pan, you'd be green too!
:santa:
Senior Member
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 3,115
Likes: 0
From: Winnipeg, Manitoba
Originally posted by TUFF FORD
Q. Why is a fire truck red?
A. If someone yanked your hose all day long, you'd be red too!
Q. Why is a pool table green?
A. If someone racked your *****, you'd be green too!
Q. Why is Peter Pan green?
A. If someone hit your peter with a pan, you'd be green too!
:santa:
Q. Why is a fire truck red?
A. If someone yanked your hose all day long, you'd be red too!
Q. Why is a pool table green?
A. If someone racked your *****, you'd be green too!
Q. Why is Peter Pan green?
A. If someone hit your peter with a pan, you'd be green too!
:santa:
You didn't have to take the "bad jokes" title of this thread so literally!
Senior Member
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 387
Likes: 0
From: Somewhere near the back of beyond
You guys are too much!
Originally posted by dzervit
...WMR - nice update to the sig!
...WMR - nice update to the sig!