'George, God Here. . .'

President Bush has words with the Almighty

by Terry Jones






"George?"

"Yes?"

"This is God here ..."

"Hi, God. What can I do for you?"

"I want you to stop this Iraq thing, George."

"But you told me to do it, God!"

"No I didn't, George ..."

"But you did! You spoke to me through Karl, Rumsey and **** and all those other really clever guys!"

"How did you know it was me talking, George?"

"Instinct, God. I just knew it!"

"Do you really think I'd want you to unleash all this horror and bloodshed on another lot of human beings?"

"But they're Muslims! They don't believe in You, God!"

"But, George, they do believe in me. Jews, Christians and Moslems all worship the same Me! Didn't you do comparative theology at school, George?"

"No, of course not! You think I'm some sort of peace-waving dope-headed liberal ******-lover, God?"

"No, of course not, George, but I expect you to know something about the people you're bombing."

"Oh, come on! I know it's right to bomb those oily rag-heads until there's not one left to wipe a wrench on!"

"How do you know that, George?"

"Cause You tell me that's what I should do, God."

"George, I do not tell you to do that!"

"But I hear You, God! You speak to me! You tell me what to do! You tell me what is Right and what is Wrong! That's why I don't need to listen to any soft-baked, mealy-mouthed liberal Kerry-pickers!"

"George, you're deluding yourself."

"God! How can you say that? I got some of the most powerful people on this planet down on their knees every day in the White House just a-praying to You! Now are you gonna tell me You ain't listening? Because if You ain't listening, God, that's Your problem - not mine!"

"George, of course I'm listening - it's you who is not listening to Me!"

"And I'll tell you why! 'Cause You ain't addressing me right."

"What d'you mean, you jumped-up little Ivy League draft-dodger?"

"If you're so 'omniscient', God, you oughta know that you gotta go through Karl Rove, John Ashcroft, Rumsey and **** ... those fellas know what they're talking about! I can't listen to just any deity who can pick up the phone!"

"But, I'm God, George!"

"Does Karl say you are?"

"But why do you believe Karl?"

"Because my gut tells me he's right!"

"Listen, you ignorant little pinch-eyed Billy Graham convert! Can't you get it into your head that I'm God and I'm telling you to stop all this 'pre-emptive strike' nonsense! Stop destroying Iraq! Stop supporting that monster Sharon! Stop picking a fight with the only other human beings on the planet that believe in Me! You're leading the world into unbelievable chaos and horror!"

"That's enough, God! That's just the sort of defeatist crap that I won't allow in the White House! Get out of here!"

"I cannot believe I'm hearing this, George."

"Well you better start believing, God, because this is the new reality. Don'tcha know that a recent Gallup poll shows that 42% of Americans identify themselves as 'born again'? That cuts across Republicans and Democrats, rich and poor, white and black! This is a real political power base, God, and you'd better believe it!"

"Look, all I'm asking is for you to show a little compassion to your fellow human beings!"

"I'm not going to debate this with you, God! You're beginning to sound like you belong to the reality-based community!"

"What the hell does that mean?"

"Well by the 'reality-based community', we mean people who believe that solutions emerge from their judicious study of discernible reality." "Sounds fair enough..."

"But, as one of my advisors told Ron Suskind of the Wall Street Journal: 'The reality-based community is not the way the world really works any more. We're an empire now and, when we act, we create our own reality. And while you're studying that reality - judiciously, as you will - we'll act again, creating other new realities, which you can study too, and that's how things will sort out. We're history's actors . . . and you, all of you, will be left to just study what we do'."

"You mean...you don't give a damn, George?"

"I mean You speak through me, God, not the other way round! Is that clear?"

"Yes, Mr President."

Terry Jones is a writer, film director, actor and Python

 

Allways thought Monty Python was hilarious, but is that supposed to be funny?

hmm...

 

Is there a cliff notes version?! Too much reading.

 

I liked him better in "search for the holy grail"



"It could grip it by the husk"

"Its not a matter of where he grips it, it a question of weight ratio- a five ounce bird cannot carry a 1 pound coconut!"

 

Hast Thou Slain The Jabberwock?

 

Ditto.

 

We are the Knights who say "NEE!"

 

Actually, I find it quite funny.

GWB has conversations with "god". Quote; "God told me to invade Iraq and take out Saddam, so I did".

Pat Robertson feels "god" put GWB in the white house through devine intervention.

Most if not all of GWB's whacked out far right fundamentalist base thinks "god" speaks through him.

What's not to laugh at there? It's only the fact that this delusinal religious nutcase has so much power that makes it unfunny.

 

I find it funny, that you find it quite funny.

 

you think Bush is a delusional religious nutcase?

 

Don't you?

 

nope.

whats funny is I dont even particularly care for religion. I would say im spiritual, but most definitely not religious. That said, I still dont think he is a religious nutbag. What makes you think he is? Perhaps I am missing something.

 

Ahh, the old demonize the President arguement. We all know how it goes, but let me summarize:

"...GW Bush, he's the REAL enemy. Him and ASHCROFT and CHENEY and ROVE and HALLIBURTON... They are the REAL enemy, see, they want to hurt America. Especially non-white and non-male Americans. Bush, Cheney and Rove want to hurt foreigners, too, just because they are not white American men. Bush is a stooopid evil racist sexist man. If that's not bad enough, he might be RELIGIOUS, too! Ohh, the outrage of it all. Bush may be smart enough to trick some of us, but he is a really really stoopid man. Dumb as Dan Quayle, he is. Doin' it all to make hisself rich. Richer than he already is. Oh, and to get reveng on Saddam for his daddy, too. We have to stop him. GW Shrub and is buddies, they are all BAD BAD men. BAD!"


IMO, some people need to stop being afraid of President Bush, and start being more afraid of the terrorist that really are trying to hurt us and our country.

 

It would be very funny, if it wasn't true.
Was is it that those who evaded personnally serving in war are so anxious to send others?

Lee Clarke
USMC, Vietnam, 1967-69

 

Let's see now. Joe Average tells you that he had conversations with "god" and "god" wants him to take out the guy down the street because he treats his family badly and he wants them to be free.
Not only that, he's going to make it his mission to go and free every other poorly treated family in the town by breaking into their homes, shooting the place up and killing several of the very people he's freeing so he can get the bad guy. None of these people have asked him to do this, yet he's going to do it anyhow because "god" told him to.
The town authorities have told him not to, because it is illegal to take the law in your own hands.,but hey, "god" told him to do it so it's okay to break the law. That guy would be put in a loony bin so fast your eyeteeth would rattle.
Now take this scenario and make it GWB with world as his town. Doesn't that scare you? It scares the heck out of me.

George Bush is an extreme zealot with dangerous messianic tendancies and that's the bottom line 'cause Stone Cold.... oops, that's a character in a different fantasy land than Bubya's isn't it?