Political History.
Thread Starter
|
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 2001
Posts: 567
Likes: 0
From: Hazel Park, MI
Political History.
Here's a little political history that I'm sure Burt will enjoy. (btw, this was an email my boss received, not something I wrote-I hate history).
This isn't perfect, but it's close!
The division of the human family into its two distinct branches occurred some 10,000 years ago, a few hundred years after the flood. Humans coexisted as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. In the pivotal event of societal evolution, beer was invented. This epochal innovation was both the foundation of modern civilization and the occasion of the great bifurcation of humanity into its two distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle or aluminum can had yet been invented, so it was necessary to stick pretty close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days killing animals to barbeque at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of the conservative movement.
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned how to live off conservatives by showing up for the BBQs every night and doing women's work like sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the liberal movement. Later, some of the liberals actually became women.
Liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, invention of group therapy and democratic voting to see how to divide the beer and meat that the conservatives provided. Women were not interested in democracy at that time because most of them were still women back then, and the conservatives fed them.
Conservatives are symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern Liberals like imported beer (they add lime), but most prefer white wine or foreign water in a bottle. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are on liberal menus. Their women have more testosterone than the men. Liberals like deviant sex and want others to like it too. Their first successful city governments were Sodom and Gomorrah.
Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, and group Therapists are Liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule in baseball because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat, and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumber jacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes, and generally anyone who works productively outside government. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals do not produce anything. They like to "govern" the producers and decide what is to be done with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals just stayed in Europe when conservatives were coming to America.
Conservatives have principles; believe in a Creator, and the rule of law. They practice charity and give to the poor, normally through their churches. When in doubt on an issue, they check both the Bible and the Constitution, which they use as a constant reference in a changing world. They believe in the concept of truth.
Liberals do not have principles, except for their dedication to stealing production of conservatives and undermining principled references such as the Bible and Constitution. They are never in doubt on an issue because they always do whatever is best for them without regard to others. They have no standard of reference. Liberals do not give to charity. They cultivate the poor like a cat cultivates a field of mice. They use the poor as voters and give them a portion of stolen tax money which they vote away from conservatives.
Conservatives believe in self defense, both at home and abroad. They own guns and use them to discourage liberals and other common criminals. They provide guns to the armed forces to discourage foreign liberals and other foreign criminals.
Liberals do not believe in conservative self defense. They disarm conservatives, and then attack them with impunity by liberal armies with guns. King George, Hitler and Stalin were all liberals who abandoned the rule of Law, had no principles except their own self indulgence, and attempted to tax and govern conservatives. Liberals believe in BIG government. They think the United Nations is the ultimate answer.
Conservatives believe in the rule of law and when sitting on juries, convict common criminals and acquit fellow conservatives who have been charged by liberals. When serving in the armed forces, they shoot liberals from other countries who want to govern our country. Conservatives know the difference between a common-sense law and a bone-headed statute passed by some liberal from Massachusetts. When sitting on juries, they do not enforce bone-headed statutes, and don't explain their reasons.
Liberals only believe in whatever laws are appealing to them, such as the privilege of making a living by taxing conservatives. When sitting on juries, liberals convict producers and acquit liberals and other common criminals. Modern Judges are all liberals as they do not produce anything except chaos, and are paid with confiscated tax money. They consider it against the law to reference any source of law such as the Bible or Constitution. Like other liberals, they just make it up as they go and do what is best for them. Judge Roy Bean is their model.
The American cowboy, of course, is your basic, full-bore Conservative. A hundred years ago, an Englishman visiting Texas was attempting to find the owner of a huge cattle ranch. He rode up to one of the ranch hands, and inquired, "Pardon me, but could you perhaps tell me where I might locate your master?" To which the cowboy replied, "That S.O.B. ain't been born yet".
So, what'll it be? Wine or Beer? Domestic or Imported?
This isn't perfect, but it's close!
The division of the human family into its two distinct branches occurred some 10,000 years ago, a few hundred years after the flood. Humans coexisted as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. In the pivotal event of societal evolution, beer was invented. This epochal innovation was both the foundation of modern civilization and the occasion of the great bifurcation of humanity into its two distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle or aluminum can had yet been invented, so it was necessary to stick pretty close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days killing animals to barbeque at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of the conservative movement.
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned how to live off conservatives by showing up for the BBQs every night and doing women's work like sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the liberal movement. Later, some of the liberals actually became women.
Liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, invention of group therapy and democratic voting to see how to divide the beer and meat that the conservatives provided. Women were not interested in democracy at that time because most of them were still women back then, and the conservatives fed them.
Conservatives are symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern Liberals like imported beer (they add lime), but most prefer white wine or foreign water in a bottle. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are on liberal menus. Their women have more testosterone than the men. Liberals like deviant sex and want others to like it too. Their first successful city governments were Sodom and Gomorrah.
Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, and group Therapists are Liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule in baseball because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat, and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumber jacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes, and generally anyone who works productively outside government. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals do not produce anything. They like to "govern" the producers and decide what is to be done with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals just stayed in Europe when conservatives were coming to America.
Conservatives have principles; believe in a Creator, and the rule of law. They practice charity and give to the poor, normally through their churches. When in doubt on an issue, they check both the Bible and the Constitution, which they use as a constant reference in a changing world. They believe in the concept of truth.
Liberals do not have principles, except for their dedication to stealing production of conservatives and undermining principled references such as the Bible and Constitution. They are never in doubt on an issue because they always do whatever is best for them without regard to others. They have no standard of reference. Liberals do not give to charity. They cultivate the poor like a cat cultivates a field of mice. They use the poor as voters and give them a portion of stolen tax money which they vote away from conservatives.
Conservatives believe in self defense, both at home and abroad. They own guns and use them to discourage liberals and other common criminals. They provide guns to the armed forces to discourage foreign liberals and other foreign criminals.
Liberals do not believe in conservative self defense. They disarm conservatives, and then attack them with impunity by liberal armies with guns. King George, Hitler and Stalin were all liberals who abandoned the rule of Law, had no principles except their own self indulgence, and attempted to tax and govern conservatives. Liberals believe in BIG government. They think the United Nations is the ultimate answer.
Conservatives believe in the rule of law and when sitting on juries, convict common criminals and acquit fellow conservatives who have been charged by liberals. When serving in the armed forces, they shoot liberals from other countries who want to govern our country. Conservatives know the difference between a common-sense law and a bone-headed statute passed by some liberal from Massachusetts. When sitting on juries, they do not enforce bone-headed statutes, and don't explain their reasons.
Liberals only believe in whatever laws are appealing to them, such as the privilege of making a living by taxing conservatives. When sitting on juries, liberals convict producers and acquit liberals and other common criminals. Modern Judges are all liberals as they do not produce anything except chaos, and are paid with confiscated tax money. They consider it against the law to reference any source of law such as the Bible or Constitution. Like other liberals, they just make it up as they go and do what is best for them. Judge Roy Bean is their model.
The American cowboy, of course, is your basic, full-bore Conservative. A hundred years ago, an Englishman visiting Texas was attempting to find the owner of a huge cattle ranch. He rode up to one of the ranch hands, and inquired, "Pardon me, but could you perhaps tell me where I might locate your master?" To which the cowboy replied, "That S.O.B. ain't been born yet".
So, what'll it be? Wine or Beer? Domestic or Imported?
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 4,867
Likes: 0
From: NH
Now that is a fine post indeed rdy2rac with… 
All us conservatives have to stick together and watch these rascally liberals. There a dangerous bunch especially since they are facing extinction from power. They remind me of some old show I seen reruns of titled “Kid’s say the funniest things” or something like that.
We need a new show titled ”Liberals say the goofiest things” Like Kerry:
”I voted YES for the $87 billion dollars right before I voted NO for the $87 billion dollars”
“I am like you, the common man, just regular people EXCEPT I am married to a real rich women, but other then that I am just like you…”
“If I were elected President I would not be the richest President to every serve, just the 3rd richest, but hey I am just like you”
“I am man, ahh, I am women, ahhh I wear the pants in my family, usually, sometimes”
“I am not confused, I am just not sure which way to vote”
“I said I LIKED the color blue before I said I DISLIKED the color blue”
“My name is NOT John Kerry, it is John F’n Kerry you f’n moron”
Them rascally liberals say and do the goofiest things…
All us conservatives have to stick together and watch these rascally liberals. There a dangerous bunch especially since they are facing extinction from power. They remind me of some old show I seen reruns of titled “Kid’s say the funniest things” or something like that.
We need a new show titled ”Liberals say the goofiest things” Like Kerry:
”I voted YES for the $87 billion dollars right before I voted NO for the $87 billion dollars”
“I am like you, the common man, just regular people EXCEPT I am married to a real rich women, but other then that I am just like you…”
“If I were elected President I would not be the richest President to every serve, just the 3rd richest, but hey I am just like you”
“I am man, ahh, I am women, ahhh I wear the pants in my family, usually, sometimes”
“I am not confused, I am just not sure which way to vote”
“I said I LIKED the color blue before I said I DISLIKED the color blue”
“My name is NOT John Kerry, it is John F’n Kerry you f’n moron”
Them rascally liberals say and do the goofiest things…
Senior Member
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 375
Likes: 0
From: Beaverton,MI
Just got off another long day at work, sitting and enjoying a brewsky, non import of coarse, asking the little women if she has all she needs and discuss which charity would benefit best from the deposit return of all the empty brews I have drank as I clean my Glock 45. When finished with that, put a big ol steak on the grill and talk to the son about the hunting trip we will be taking and the pending jury duty I have and how that somebitch wife beater is guilty as, PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF , 
, sorry, sin.
Got I love being a conservative.
, sorry, sin.Got I love being a conservative.
Certified Goat Breeder
Joined: Feb 1999
Posts: 6,182
Likes: 19
From: the moral high ground
Trending Topics
.
Senior Member
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 375
Likes: 0
From: Beaverton,MI
Don't forget to fart.
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF. Ahhhhhhhhh.
Oops, should keep the open flame away from that one. Now I need another beer. Sorry that was God I love being a conservative. These keys are different everytime I use this thing, wish they made them standard.
Senior Member
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 599
Likes: 0
I love these REAL quotes from Bush..
My pro-life position is I believe there's life. It's not necessarily based in religion. I think there's a life there, therefore the notion of life, liberty and pursuit of happiness."
Appointed President Bush in an interview with The San Francisco Chronicle
"I'm hopeful. I know there is a lot of ambition in Washington, obviously. But I hope the ambitious realize that they are more likely to succeed with success as opposed to failure."
"If he's -- the inference is that somehow he thinks slavery is a -- a noble institution, I would -- I would strongly reject that assumption -- that John Ashcroft is a open-minded, inclusive person."
George W. Bush on questions about his nominee for attorney general (Slate.com)
"Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?"
-from a speech in Florence, SC, Jan. 11, 2000-
I wonder why...
"We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor just like you like to be liked yourself."
- as quoted by The Financial Times-
"Will the highways on the Internet become more few?"
- quoted in The San Antonio Express-News, Jan. 29, 2000-
Or to be more precise, will the highways on the Internet become more less?
"As you know, I hope I'm not here to have to deal with it."
-Dubya speaking about balancing the Texas budget, as quoted in The Dallas Morning News, July 17, 2000-
Oh, we *all* know *that* one, Dubya!!!
"I don't remember debates. I don't think we spent a lot of time debating [Vietnam]. Maybe we did, but I don't remember."
-Dubya illustrating that the Vietnam War apparently wasn't a priority in any of his classes at Yale and that he's mastered the Regan Memory Technique, as quoted in The Washington Post, July 27, 1999-
"I do need somebody to tell me where Kosovo is, I know how to ask."
-Dubya illustrating that it's easier to ask than to look on a map, as quoted in the Manchester Guardian Weekly, 8/25/99-
Are you braggin' about the fact you don't know where it is???
"There ought to be limits to freedom."
-Dubya in his wisdom at a press conference, May 21, 1999-
"My opponent seems to think that Social Security is a federal program."
- as Dubya said in the final Presidential Election debate-
To quote Gore, " Well, yeah... And a damned good one!"
"We need to stop the exquisite sex and wholesome violence that underscore our children."
-as heard on National Public Radio-
My pro-life position is I believe there's life. It's not necessarily based in religion. I think there's a life there, therefore the notion of life, liberty and pursuit of happiness."
Appointed President Bush in an interview with The San Francisco Chronicle
"I'm hopeful. I know there is a lot of ambition in Washington, obviously. But I hope the ambitious realize that they are more likely to succeed with success as opposed to failure."
"If he's -- the inference is that somehow he thinks slavery is a -- a noble institution, I would -- I would strongly reject that assumption -- that John Ashcroft is a open-minded, inclusive person."
George W. Bush on questions about his nominee for attorney general (Slate.com)
"Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?"
-from a speech in Florence, SC, Jan. 11, 2000-
I wonder why...
"We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor just like you like to be liked yourself."
- as quoted by The Financial Times-
"Will the highways on the Internet become more few?"
- quoted in The San Antonio Express-News, Jan. 29, 2000-
Or to be more precise, will the highways on the Internet become more less?
"As you know, I hope I'm not here to have to deal with it."
-Dubya speaking about balancing the Texas budget, as quoted in The Dallas Morning News, July 17, 2000-
Oh, we *all* know *that* one, Dubya!!!
"I don't remember debates. I don't think we spent a lot of time debating [Vietnam]. Maybe we did, but I don't remember."
-Dubya illustrating that the Vietnam War apparently wasn't a priority in any of his classes at Yale and that he's mastered the Regan Memory Technique, as quoted in The Washington Post, July 27, 1999-
"I do need somebody to tell me where Kosovo is, I know how to ask."
-Dubya illustrating that it's easier to ask than to look on a map, as quoted in the Manchester Guardian Weekly, 8/25/99-
Are you braggin' about the fact you don't know where it is???
"There ought to be limits to freedom."
-Dubya in his wisdom at a press conference, May 21, 1999-
"My opponent seems to think that Social Security is a federal program."
- as Dubya said in the final Presidential Election debate-
To quote Gore, " Well, yeah... And a damned good one!"
"We need to stop the exquisite sex and wholesome violence that underscore our children."
-as heard on National Public Radio-