Monday blahs?
Thread Starter
|
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 2001
Posts: 567
Likes: 0
From: Hazel Park, MI
Monday blahs?
Here's a couple jokes to help get Monday along.
A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears. Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall. The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side. She turns to him ... they kiss ... and then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot steamy love. After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?" The guy says: "Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet and rolls over and says...."Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"
A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears. Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall. The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side. She turns to him ... they kiss ... and then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot steamy love. After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?" The guy says: "Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet and rolls over and says...."Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"
Senior Member
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 1,895
Likes: 0
From: Starkville Mississippi
This guy has a Harley with a lot of chrome on it, and to keep the chrome protected and from pitting when it rains, he covers the chrome with Vasoline.
Well the guy drives his bike over to his girlfriends house one night to meet her family and eat dinner with them. So they go into the kitchen and sit down, and he notices that there are hundreds of dishes that havnt been washed yet--theyre all piled up everywhere. He asks his girlfriend why they never wash the dishes and she says that whoever talks at the table during supper has to wash the dishes, so naturally, no one ever talks.
So they begin eating and no one says a word. The guy thinks of how he can get someone to talk, so he grabs his girlfriend, lifts her up on the table, and starts banging the heck out of her. No one says a word. So he puts her down, waits a minute, grabs his girlfriends mother, bends her over, and proceeds to have sex with her right in front of her daughter and her husband. Still, no one says a word. All of the sudden, he hears a roar of thunder, and looks out the window and sees that its about to rain. Thinking of his Harley, the guy looks at the father and asks , "Sir do you have any Vasoline?" The father stands up quickly and says, "Aww hell, Ill do the dam dishes!!"
Well the guy drives his bike over to his girlfriends house one night to meet her family and eat dinner with them. So they go into the kitchen and sit down, and he notices that there are hundreds of dishes that havnt been washed yet--theyre all piled up everywhere. He asks his girlfriend why they never wash the dishes and she says that whoever talks at the table during supper has to wash the dishes, so naturally, no one ever talks.
So they begin eating and no one says a word. The guy thinks of how he can get someone to talk, so he grabs his girlfriend, lifts her up on the table, and starts banging the heck out of her. No one says a word. So he puts her down, waits a minute, grabs his girlfriends mother, bends her over, and proceeds to have sex with her right in front of her daughter and her husband. Still, no one says a word. All of the sudden, he hears a roar of thunder, and looks out the window and sees that its about to rain. Thinking of his Harley, the guy looks at the father and asks , "Sir do you have any Vasoline?" The father stands up quickly and says, "Aww hell, Ill do the dam dishes!!"
Senior Member
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 1,895
Likes: 0
From: Starkville Mississippi
a man and his wife are getting ready for bed on Christmas Eve. The woman slips off her night pants and gets ready to hop in bed when the husband notices something on both of her thighs.
He says, "Honey, what are those things on your things?"
She says, "Theyre tattoos, one says Christmas and the other says New Years."
He says, "Why did you have that done?"
She says, "So I dont have to listen to you complain about theres nothing to eat between Christmas and New Years!"
He says, "Honey, what are those things on your things?"
She says, "Theyre tattoos, one says Christmas and the other says New Years."
He says, "Why did you have that done?"
She says, "So I dont have to listen to you complain about theres nothing to eat between Christmas and New Years!"
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 777
Likes: 0
From: NC
Originally posted by Green_98
This guy has a Harley with a lot of chrome on it, and to keep the chrome protected and from pitting when it rains, he covers the chrome with Vasoline.
Well the guy drives his bike over to his girlfriends house one night to meet her family and eat dinner with them. So they go into the kitchen and sit down, and he notices that there are hundreds of dishes that havnt been washed yet--theyre all piled up everywhere. He asks his girlfriend why they never wash the dishes and she says that whoever talks at the table during supper has to wash the dishes, so naturally, no one ever talks.
So they begin eating and no one says a word. The guy thinks of how he can get someone to talk, so he grabs his girlfriend, lifts her up on the table, and starts banging the heck out of her. No one says a word. So he puts her down, waits a minute, grabs his girlfriends mother, bends her over, and proceeds to have sex with her right in front of her daughter and her husband. Still, no one says a word. All of the sudden, he hears a roar of thunder, and looks out the window and sees that its about to rain. Thinking of his Harley, the guy looks at the father and asks , "Sir do you have any Vasoline?" The father stands up quickly and says, "Aww hell, Ill do the dam dishes!!"
This guy has a Harley with a lot of chrome on it, and to keep the chrome protected and from pitting when it rains, he covers the chrome with Vasoline.
Well the guy drives his bike over to his girlfriends house one night to meet her family and eat dinner with them. So they go into the kitchen and sit down, and he notices that there are hundreds of dishes that havnt been washed yet--theyre all piled up everywhere. He asks his girlfriend why they never wash the dishes and she says that whoever talks at the table during supper has to wash the dishes, so naturally, no one ever talks.
So they begin eating and no one says a word. The guy thinks of how he can get someone to talk, so he grabs his girlfriend, lifts her up on the table, and starts banging the heck out of her. No one says a word. So he puts her down, waits a minute, grabs his girlfriends mother, bends her over, and proceeds to have sex with her right in front of her daughter and her husband. Still, no one says a word. All of the sudden, he hears a roar of thunder, and looks out the window and sees that its about to rain. Thinking of his Harley, the guy looks at the father and asks , "Sir do you have any Vasoline?" The father stands up quickly and says, "Aww hell, Ill do the dam dishes!!"
Member
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 72
Likes: 0
From: Lawrenceville, GA
Originally posted by bloomquist
That's a bad joke, but there's another problem with it too, the kid talked first.
That's a bad joke, but there's another problem with it too, the kid talked first.
